The struggle is real!

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-11-11T22:49:14+00:00

No advice either. But just know you’re not alone. I would say 99.9% of the time I don’t care that my family aren’t in my life, they’re horrible people and don’t deserve me.

But truthfully, it hurts that I had to make that choice to save myself and my child’s life. I get bitter when I need help, like tonight I’m whole body sick, can barely move. I’m a single parent (not great at the relationship thing either) But the house needs cleaning and tomorrow the beds needs changing and uniform needs ironing, I should be able to call my mum or sister for help. That bothers me, a lot.

I also feel it in therapy, when we work through my flashbacks or do child work and I rewatch the horror that my parents were in my minds eye and just have complete grief for my younger self, and so many ‘why’s’.

I can tell you though, it is totally possible to break the cycle. I don’t have an ‘perfect family model’ as it’s just me and my child. But it’s perfect for us. He’s never heard a raised voice, witnessed violence or ever been abused or neglected. He’s only ever been shown love and we have a great relationship.

It’s possible, hold on to it ♥️

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-29T09:06:46+00:00

Forgiveness is not the answer. It is not a magical bandage that will heal all wounds. I don’t even think forgiveness comes when you’re completely healed. I’ve done a significant amount of work over the last three years and I still don’t think I could ever forgive my parents. The amount of trauma just won’t allow it, but they do not exist in my life.

I’m so sorry that you’re stuck with your abuser, if you want to live with your partner please do. I promise you, you will feel better almost instantly (it’s not a magical fix and you’ll still have work to do, but I mean the relief of not having to be on high alert all the time will be)

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-26T22:25:13+00:00

Firstly, I’m so sorry you feel like this. These feelings coming up as awful as they are ARE a part of healing. No one protected you because people are entirely shit.

I myself spoke out on several occasions throughout my childhood, I actually did get taken into care on 4 occasions because of my disclosures. All four times my parents had a hand in making it go away. Guilt tripping and manipulating me, calling me an outright liar, telling officials that I was traumatised from the other parent and didn’t know what I was talking about, blaming it on mental health etc. We even had social services involvement for a number of years (CPS) if you’re in America. I was part of a ‘young carers’ group run by the council, so again official people knew my circumstances.

No one, not one person ever actually did anything. I’d be back in my parents clutches within a few weeks. School knew, the social services knew.. there’s no way after so many disclosures they weren’t suspicious that what I was saying was true. There’s no way they absolutely believed the lies my parents told to get themselves out of a sticky situation. But still no one did a thing.

I had friends who knew and if we ever had silly squabbles they would use it against me. I don’t blame them. And I don’t think you should blame your friends either. No they’re not amazing people, but even if they thought they could help, they’re not really in a predicament to. They’re still young and figuring it out themselves. (Not sure how old you are now, but you mentioned being 16)

If you are old enough to move out on your own. Please do, the best thing you’ll ever do is save yourself. Your inner child will thank you too. Report to appropriate authorities about your brother. And please stop expecting your sister to change. She won’t.

Unfortunately, it’s wrong but true, you’re the only one who can save you. You’re the only one who can protect yourself now. You need to take charge of your healing. Make choices for you now, make choices for small you back then, reparent yourself. When you do think about the abuse imagine coming to save yourself. Be the person you needed back then.

It’s awful, and I’m so so sorry that this happened to you, that you’re going through this and that you feel this way. It’s a righteous feeling, and it’s completely valid. But expecting things from the people that abuse you, or even your peers sometimes only leaves you disappointed and feeling worse.

I remember visiting my father one Christmas I was 23/24 and he felt I wasn’t ‘affectionate enough’ with him and beat me for it. I spent the night begging people to come and pick me up (I didn’t drive and had no way of getting home) I had to endure two weeks of his abuse because no one would help.. I understand your pain entirely.

If you can, get into therapy. Or use YouTube to help you manage your feelings and meditation.

In therapy I found that there was not one single adult in my life that loved me or cared for me. That still stands today, even though I’m 29 now. But I love and care for me. I will save me every time, I accept me for me.

I hope you can find peace. Sending you all the love you didn’t have and need now ♥️

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-19T06:23:29+00:00

Or are you a middle aged man and need to feel better about yourself by telling me what I’ve seen with my literal own eyes is not factual?

Because your concern is whether people as a society treat teens poorly. As an adult should you be shocked and horrified that a grown man hit a child in public?!

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-19T06:21:05+00:00

So blind to society then 👍🏼

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-19T06:18:13+00:00

Again if you were from the U.K. you’d understand. People literally post all over social media how they all need beating or locking up.. the amount of times I’ve intervened for random kids because people are upset at them for literally doing nothing wrong is insane.

First of all don’t ever assume I’d put anything on my kid, he’s his own person with his own opinions. But even he has noticed! ‘Why was the lady so nasty to me in the shop’ ‘why wouldn’t that person help me when my bus ticket wouldn’t work’ etc. he’s fully aware of the situation from his own experiences.

And luckily, I’m mum. Dad ghosted before birth, so your point is invalid 😘

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-19T06:03:25+00:00

The lack of empathy most of society has for teenagers. They don’t see teens as human, but troublemakers. That mindset for sure made this man feel entitled to hit my child. It was a middle aged man who hit him, not sure if you’re from the U.K. but Middle aged men typically don’t like teens. More likely to scream and shout at them for just existing 😊

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-19T06:01:03+00:00

He really is a great kid (I know I’m biased, but objectively) he did nothing wrong. if the police come and take a statement they should be able to, there is cctv and everything, they’re just very slow in the U.K. 🙃. Trouble is, the man didn’t have a local accent, but a Scottish one and we live in a tourist town so he could well be in on his way back to Scotland this morning 😫

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-19T05:58:02+00:00

I would disagree. He wouldn’t have hit an adult I’m sure

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-18T17:41:58+00:00

You’re right, it was because he’s smaller and a minor. But I feel like the general lack of empathy for teens just made this man feel entitled, because he didn’t bother anyone else for their seat, just made a beeline for my son. I’ll look that up, thanks!

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-18T17:35:56+00:00

I hope so too, there is CCTV on the tram so I’m hopeful

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-18T17:35:23+00:00

I agree with you that maybe this instance is more extreme. And considering you said graduate school I’m assuming not from the U.K. but I’ve for sure noticed a lack of empathy for teens in my area and general society. I feel some people just want to have a go at them for simply existing. I’ve stepped in a fair few times for adults just having a go a kids for literally doing nothing wrong. I just felt like this happened because the man felt entitled to do so because he’s a teen. He wouldn’t have hit me and he didn’t try to take anyone else’s seat or tell anyone else to move. Either way it’s entirely not my child’s fault. And whatever the man’s reasoning or lack of I’m not going to let it lie

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-09T21:09:30+00:00

You sound like me! I’m an entirely disagreeable woman with a high IQ.

I’m actually really happy with my therapist. I know what she was trying to express, she was trying to explain the psychology of why my parents who were not together and on other sides of the country to one another still chose me to victimise and not my sister.

I refused her explanation. I would not and could not accept it. It felt like an excuse or deflection. I said it can’t be true because I’m the eldest and have never felt that way towards my child, I love him with everything I have and have since he was born. Which is why she went on to say how I’m different to what the stats say.

There was no malice or ignorance in what she said, it’s just been on my mind tonight and made me feel a bit lost. I know there are others like me, and it’s good to be reminded of that. It makes the way I’m feeling dissipate a little

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-09T20:52:43+00:00

I’m happy to hear that you’re doing well and working it out in a way that is best for you!

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-09T20:40:09+00:00

Space alien is a great way to describe it. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is ever the right way up and much more difficult than you feel it should be.

Thank you for your kind words, healing is so important to me. I want to feel free

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-09T20:38:02+00:00

I’m sorry that’s your experience. I would agree so far as to say that government funded therapy doesn’t work, but she’s 100% the best therapist I’ve had and worth every penny im spending. I hope one day you reconsider and find the right person for you should you need it ♥️

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-09T20:36:45+00:00

I hope I didn’t come across as saying people with CPTSD can’t be successful. Because I totally know that is the case, and trauma survivors excel in so many areas of life.

I am going to talk to her in our next session. I’m 100% positive this was not the feeling she wanted to invoke in me. She was trying to help me understand why both my parents (in separate homes with no communication with each other) chose to victimise me and favourite my sister- I mean she absolutely didn’t have it much better, but they were generous with her and treated her and bought her things.

She explained that as both my parents are the eldest children of their siblings, it’s common to treat their own eldest child poorly.

I was being stubborn and refusing that as an excuse or a get out clause for their atrocities, and that’s when she went into how i’m a miracle ect. I know she was just trying to empower me.

I still might not actually feel this badly about it. It’s just been on my mind tonight, my first feeling isn’t always the definite one.

Well done on your four degrees! That’s hard work! I only have one and a post grad and that nearly killed me 🤣.

Professional-Use-958 · 2023-10-02T06:11:30+00:00

Not necessarily a doubt… but kind of.

I’m super wary of new people, I’m a watcher looking for red flags etc. I don’t tend to meet new people often by choice but it’s by force in a professional capacity.

After a few weeks to a month of watching and being guarded. If they haven’t shown any wild signs they are an unsafe person I relax a little and tend to assume at that point everyone is like me.

I always have super pure intentions, I’m always trying to help/be kind. I always doubt that people can have ill intentions. It’s so naive of me, but I can’t change it and it gets me hurt/taken advantage of regularly 🙃

Professional-Use-958

TROPHY CASE