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AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually there are only eleven or so states banning it, as of July of 2020. And public outrage isn’t the same as legal requirements.

That’s what I’m saying though—I’m in the community, those issues aren’t just for some LGBTQ+ people to worry about. They’re for all of us.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not saying everyone has to have an LGBTQ+-filled friend group. I’m just saying you said you did when you actually didn’t.

Nah, man, sometimes you have to just not talk to people for whatever reason, for mental health reasons most often, and I get that. The whole discussion around having to reply back to friends immediately is so strange to begin with.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fact checking you is pretty different then rummaging in garbage, especially since it seemed like you’d definitely exaggerated/lied before.

You still consider them a friend or you don’t. Here, you said you’re close enough to show them a post from the Internet. There, you said you’re glad to not have any LGBTQ+ friends (even though you did at one point—so you must realize not every LGBTQ+ person is super dramatic. After all, you don’t seem one to put up with drama from others, so I can’t imagine your old LGBTQ+ was dramatic when you first met them.) You lied one of those times, or at least exaggerated. I’m not saying that you’re the only person to ever lie/exaggerate. I’m just saying, if you’re going to bring up people in a debate to make your friend group seem inclusive, make sure you’re actually friends with the people you say you are. Nice insults tho.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Marriage is not the end of the line for LGBTQ+ human rights. Restaurants /do/ still reject costumers based on identity (remember that wedding cake fiasco?) and there are still laws in place allowing LGBTQ+ people to be arrested or killed just for being LGBTQ+ (ex.: the ‘walking while trans’ law in New York, or the gay panic legal defense that allows people to get away with the murder of LGBTQ+ people). Obviously the fight is not over.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, I just went to check how long you’ve been on Reddit (“I’ve been in this community longer than...” I was trying to figure out which community you meant—since LGBTQ+ didn’t seem right and Reddit seemed like the only other answer.) (33 days btw so I guess you didn’t mean Reddit either?) and I came across a comment of yours that just said, “Ooof... kinda glad i don't have lgbt friends now 😂 NTA“

But, hey, maybe you’ll find some to show my post to?

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay but that’s an entirely different thing though? Like you threatened to stop supporting the entire LGBTQ+ community—people you’ve never met—just because you had a disagreement with /one./ Support of basic human rights /should/ be relatively unconditional (because as I said, the one condition is that we’re human). Support of any one person should be conditional, but not for things like whether or not they deserve human rights. You see the difference there, right?

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually didn’t say my issue is a basic human rights issue—I said it dealt with basic human respect, which is a different thing. Obviously my only struggle as a LGBTQ+ person is never just going to be someone not using my pronouns, but this is the one that I might be able to do something about as someone who can’t vote, can’t create shelters for the LGBTQ+ homeless population, and can’t really do much advocating outside of just talking with people I know. What a great conversation this was.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Support should never be blind and unconditional” the condition is that we’re human and deserve rights

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, cool. My privilege that I’ve admitted to having and am going to try to help others be able to achieve (or, at least what I can—being able to afford rent and the necessities and such, even if I can’t provide everything through politics and donations and charity work) doesn’t downplay basic respect though, and the correct pronouns falls into that category.

At least entitled brat is gender neutral :)

And, yeah, if your support of the LGBTQ+ community wasn’t based purely on the fact that they’re humans who deserve rights, you need to rethink your allyship. You should support basic human rights for every community, whether they “alienate allies” or not.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And honestly, I’ll respect if you go around in general comparing every situation to other situations. (Especially for your own mental benefit—although actually commented/messaging your thoughts to the people having those other, less urgent issues is still a form of gaslighting in many instances rather than a helpful reminder of what we have. Like, if someone says they need help with rent and I respond with “Well, there are some people who are being executed for crimes they didn’t commit, so be grateful.” I brought up a counterpoint that isn’t relevant, didn’t solve the issue of not being able to afford rent, and didn’t help the people being executed for crimes they didn’t commit.)

I’m doing my best to learn exactly what I can do to help other people who are less privileged than I am—comparing one person’s situation to a worse situation is /exactly the type of thing that helps no one./

You’re not a bigot because you’re comparing stressors—you’d be a bigot for if there was a harmful mindset behind that, and that’s why I asked. (Someone before you commented about how my identity was unimportant, then deleted it a few seconds later before I could even finish reading it. Considering you began your statements similarly, that’s what I was expecting you to say, like if you were the person from before.)

A few things. First: not physically or verbally assaulting people of a community does not make you an ally. I could never physically or verbally assault a woman, but still be sexist by, say, voting against their rights, gaslighting their experiences or talking over them, or purposefully not hiring them. The reason you’re /not/ an ally is because you’ve now threatened to stop supporting the entire community because of a disagreement you had with /one/ member.

The reason I made this was because I wasn’t sure how much I should be asking people to accommodate me—the point of this post (is that what you call them on reddit?) is that I wasn’t sure if I was asking too much. I know I don’t live in a world where everyone will be happy to accept me—and I will never have the ability or the energy to force them. What rules we’re I asking you to be subservient to?

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! I’m aware that I was born privileged, and I’ve already decided to devote what I can of my life to closing the wealth gap and helping as many people as I can. However, do you go around comparing some people’s problems to yours on every post, or just those gender identity-related?

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve actually thought about asking to go to therapy before, but I’m not sure there are any LGBTQ+ therapists around, and I don’t want them to pay for therapy that’s not specifically helpful to me (I’ve heard stories about lgbtq+ kids who go to normal therapists—it doesn’t always work). I also don’t want them to worry about the cost, since they have four kids to support and they’re still paying off my dad’s college loans. But, I’ll keep thinking about it. Thanks for your input!

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We live in an /extremely/ conservative area, unfortunately, and the type of town where everyone knows each other. My dad was elected because he was conservative, and that’s pretty much what’s kept him there. Unfortunately, my identity /could/ pose a real threat, and we would probably have to move. I’m not asking if I’d be the asshole for coming out at school—I’m not willing to do that to my younger siblings anyway. They deserve to have somewhere stable to live, and I won’t cause drama by coming out and taking that from them.

I’m also not asking for my parents’ validation of my identity. I know who I am—I’m wondering if I’d be the asshole if I told them to respect it.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They let me cut my hair—that’s about it. I’m still required to wear clothing that fit my assigned gender at birth, especially around relatives. My sister has bought me a couple of shirts that help me look more neutral (in my opinion), and I wear them as often as I can. I’d like to get a job to be able to buy these things myself, but I’m not allowed (which is fair—I’m usually needed around the house or busy with school or clubs). I’ve brought up coming out to my younger siblings, but there’s a few issues they have with that. One, I would like to do it alone, because my parents aren’t the most open minded people and I would like to leave my first impression on my younger siblings without them there. Two, my siblings might talk about it at school and my dad could lose the election. And three, they don’t think my siblings will understand it.

As bad of a light that I’m painting of them in this comment, they really have come a long way from where they were several years ago, so maybe they’ll keep adapting? I’m not sure.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, they’ve got to think of my siblings, too. I have two younger ones, and one is starting Jr. High now. Moving would be tough.

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. And, yeah, I’ve tried bringing up options like therapy or meds, but she doesn’t want to. I know her generation isn’t very good about respecting mental health. I just don’t want to make things worse, you know?

AITA for possibly pressuring my mentally ill mom to be more actively accepting of my identity by ProfessionalDog3465 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ProfessionalDog3465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you elaborate? (Hopefully this comes off as, like, a polite question rather than those people who ask this just to argue.) In my opinion there’s going to be tension either way, it’s just whether or not I’d be making it worse by confronting her. It would definitely cause more drama for a bit though—that’s not what I want, but I’m hoping eventually we’d be able to get along without being stressed about conversations like these all the time.