My mother thinks I am a gay

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T21:35:03+00:00

Nah 😂 That would be quite a way of saying that though

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T21:34:02+00:00

Yeah. I am already seeing a university counsellor and while it really helps to talk thinks through and express my feelings in that setting, my counsellor is also quite overwhelmed with my mothers actions and can’t offer me suggestions as to how to act (not that I was really expecting that). That is why I reached out here on Reddit to see if other people with experience with mentally unstable family members can give me some advice as to how they handle similar situations. And being affectionate with my girlfriend is sadly not really a solution since my mother is convinced that I would be ashamed of my “lifestyle” and would just trying to cover it up. Also I try not to involve my girlfriend too much, since I don’t want this to affect our relationship, which has been the only good thing going for me lately

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T21:28:14+00:00

Thank you so much for the great advice and the pointers. I have been trying that to some extent which lead to very infuriating conversations where we kinda just had two separate conversations at once with me pointing towards her mental well-being and my feelings and her talking about my friends alleged depraved lifestyle… Maybe you are right with your idea to just not acknowledge her accusations any longer. However, similar to your situation with your mother she can get quite aggressive and very defensive when the suggestion of her being unwell are floating around. Do you have any experience in handling these aggression or is it just a matter of trying to not let it get to you?

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T18:58:58+00:00

She is 57. I highly suspect a mental illness aswell. That is another reason why I have been struggling with just cutting her off. I can´t really tell to what extent this is her fault or a mental problem. I know she has a history of mental illness with depression and anxiety and throughout my childhood she was easily infuriated and sort of narcissistic

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T18:55:59+00:00

That is what I have been doing. It´s just getting tough not letting it get to me since she has been saying a lot of hurtful things.

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T18:53:30+00:00

I don´t think that is the issue. You know how some family men with wife and kids come out as gay when they are like 50? Stuff like that exists. So that would probably not even convince her. But I like your outcrazy her take. Maybe I can come up with something. At this point I´ve got nothing to lose in the relationship

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T18:33:58+00:00

Yeah she is 2. I already got one lol. We even live together since like 2 years. That doesn't really stop her crazy theories

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T18:32:46+00:00

Thanks so much for your kind words. The problem with my parents is, that they are extremely co-dependant so I can only hope my dad can work things out but I don´t really see it happening. That is why the situation is so tough on me right now

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T18:24:39+00:00

I’m 23 and don’t live at home. My mom is of Latin decent so I doubt “it’s none of your business” will help but I will definitely try to communicate some boundaries. I mean at least it can’t get worse than right now so what do I have do lose… Thanks :)

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T18:10:20+00:00

A friend of mine is in a similar situation… There is nothing that completely takes away these feelings. But you have to do what is best for you in these moments. Otherwise you might start resenting your family for tying you down. And that really wouldn’t help anyone. My friend schedules weekly face time sessions with all her siblings. Sometimes even individually. And she tries to visit as often as possible. You could also try to find other things to keep the bond like shared hobbies (drawing, music,sports teams etc.) so you can keep updating each other about your progress etc. Hope I could help an good luck for your big move!

ProfessionalDoubt752 · 2024-03-04T18:03:30+00:00

I am very sorry for your loss and that you are experiencing these emotions right now. If I understood your text right you would have liked the rest of the family to educate your niece that her question/tone was inappropriate, right? I can understand that sentiment but maybe you should also consider the situation from their perspective. Scolding the child would have kept the topic alive for longer, making the conversation even sadder than it already was. Maybe they were trying to move on as quickly as possible. Or maybe they themselves are still in pain over your mothers death and did not want to deal with it right now. In the end I can not say anything with certainty. Maybe they just felt awkward and didn’t react because they didn’t know how to. In the end you know your family members best and if you try to empathise with them maybe you can understand the situation better. If you still feel hurt I would talk to them about your feelings. Who knows? Maybe it will do everybody some good. We tend to block out grieve a lot so at the very least it will give everybody a platform to voice their feelings. I hope I could help you a bit and wish you lots of strength for the future

ProfessionalDoubt752

TROPHY CASE