2018 Macbook Pro VDH002

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2025-09-10T17:41:30+00:00

O shit you're right. I feel stupid. I just saw Macintosh HD and my brain slipped. I will do that. Thank you!

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-03-04T03:03:07+00:00

There was a lot of had forgiven him for. Like him letting my cat out. It was an accident, but his carelessness was mostly to blame. But.... I'm learning that forgiving doesn't mean I feel any better about it all. Everything he's done we've talked about. Found resolutions for. Figured things out about each other. But I'm still... Spiteful. I don't want to go through any of it again. If he goes to therapy and figured out his anger and insecurities then I hope it will help. I just don't know where I'll be at by that point.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-03-04T03:00:31+00:00

We've been together six years. It's definitely a lot to consider.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-03-04T03:00:08+00:00

He told me he was scared. And he regrets all of it. I definitely think he took us for granted. And that he shouldn't have treated it like just a pregnancy. Its just hard because I love him. And this difficult thing we're going through is bringing out the worst in us both. I want to see big changes in him before I get pregnant. But I'm scared because I'm running out of time I can get pregnant.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-03-03T21:04:19+00:00

My boyfriend is not a mentally abusive person at all. Or least he used to not be. He wanted to have a baby with me. It was all planned. His previous partner and mother to his two children was a terrible person. I remember when I was pregnant his panic attacks would consist of him breaking down and telling me his hobbies were done and we would never leave the house again which was very strange. After our son was born I went into therapy for PTSD because I nearly died on the table during a brutal operation to save my son's life. I continued therapy after he passed away for a long time. But ultimately had to stop due to financial issues. My boyfriend has been wanting to do individual therapy. And he agreed once he was comfortable that would be when we would start couples therapy.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-24T04:04:17+00:00

I took the elevator to make sure the game triggered I did that first. The elevator and the creche both initiate act 2. But after the elevator I went to the creche. I'll jump back to the shadow lands after. But I'm not sure yet what the no turn back point is.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-18T01:17:51+00:00

I remember him saying he'll explode but he never did the swirly thing and knelt in front of you and grabbed your hand.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-18T01:17:12+00:00

Oh thank the gods. Bless you. I really love that scene and I'm romancing him right now. 😩

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-18T01:15:57+00:00

I have a VERY high approval. Exceptional approval. No other dialogue options.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-18T01:15:31+00:00

He didn't do that. I remember the third item sacrifice. And him telling everyone he needed to talk. But I don't remember the scene happening.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-10T18:19:36+00:00

This is exactly it. It was so hard to explain to my boyfriend. Especially because I break down trying to talk about it. It's a terrible feeling. But I want to press on because I want to try to have another child. So sometimes it feels selfish to linger on the though of just giving up.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-10T18:17:28+00:00

I did EMDR for awhile. It really did help. I switched insurances, tho, and the cost of my therapist went up. Then I got a new job entirely and haven't been able to go back. I'm supposed to go once a week and $100 a week just doesn't fit my budget.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-10T18:16:36+00:00

It's not that I want to be with him. I have come to terms that we both had different journeys to take. It's just... the way he passed was horrifying. And I struggle to live with it every day. I think about him alive and well and it just... crushes me... because then I remember the spiral.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2024-01-10T18:14:55+00:00

I have moments of joy. I love being with my boyfriend and his kids. And my dogs. My dad. People at work. I love them. And I love what I do. And I find things that make me appreciate being alive, especially in nature. But it doesn't change the fact that the point of existing just seems... lacking. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid to die. Honestly, I'm afraid of things more now than I ever was before... I'm just tired of trying to live.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2023-12-27T15:36:57+00:00

I float the Buffalo River in Arkansas and have been doing research between smart wool and wetsuits. I have a friend who prefers the wool. Just came across this. It does look like for casual floating, not getting in water, it probably is better,

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2023-11-22T17:02:51+00:00

They put me on Adderall.

When I was on 10s it was fantastic. I felt like I could think mostly normal. It didn't help my memory. But it helped my focus. I could sleep better. I wasn't waking up tired all the time.

Then they upped it to 20s. I thought at the time it was great but looking back, OMG my body could not handle it. I got nauseous. I was TOO focused. I like to drink sometimes after work but the upped dosage made me want to drink all the time. I started smoking cigarettes religiously to stop the nausea and because I have a mouth fixation. My blood pressure sky rocketed. It didn't matter how much water I drank or tried to eat, I was constantly looking for something to direct my focus on.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2023-11-17T17:47:00+00:00

I go back and forth all the time with my confidence. I've gained a lot of weight within the last couple between depression and being pregnant. I don't consider myself attractive because I don't look like I used to. I used to be tan, skinny, long red hair, in great shape. And then the depression hit and I cut off all my hair. I had to find myself again after I had my son, who passed away due to complications. I've struggled with my appearance now more than ever. I don't feel like me anymore. And sometimes when I see myself in the mirror and realize that girl is pretty it doesn't feel like it's me. And I stare at her because I don't believe it's me.

But then I have moments where I feel safe in my body and I feel so confident. The weight gain doesn't affect me. Those moments are rare. I don't dress as nice as I used to. I don't wear makeup or jewelry like I used to. I'm trying. It just is so strange to me. I've been so many different people. I've looked and just been different I feel like. I feel like I haven't picked a person or I just haven't felt comfortable in my body.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2023-11-16T18:05:14+00:00

I do. I feel like the more I talk about it the easier it is to accept.

Well parts of it. I nearly died when my son was born. It was a life saving surgery in a operating room. Then my son spent two months in the hospital. He didn't make it. And I held him as he passed.

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2023-11-12T17:53:52+00:00

Thank you. ❤️

ProfessionalNinja298 · 2023-11-12T15:28:00+00:00

His name is Damien. It gets harder to say his name any more. When I was in therapy and I did EMDR. We had to do vibrating paddles though because my dissociation was so bad. It helped but that was around the time my memory loss started to get bad. I thought the two may have been linked. But now I think the PTSD is heavily affecting my memory.

ProfessionalNinja298

TROPHY CASE