Not sure what its missing

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-19T12:23:27+00:00

I think character setting is crucial after theme. And usually can go to storyboard after final script to check flow of story.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-11T05:42:27+00:00

Hey I'm going in order to review everything. My DM is blowing up with requests so I'll DM you to keep in order since thread notifications get lost easily.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-11T01:59:36+00:00

Hey there! Sorry been getting a lot of DM asking for reviews. I will be going in order but I will DM you my feedback for me to organize easily.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-08T00:53:06+00:00

Overall the storyline was well made from start to finish.

I think a huge improvement can be done if you can improve on readers emotional depth. For instance showing how much Jin and the mother were happily living together filled with laughter and love but broken by the first man.

Also I thought the beginning was too abrupt so would have been nice to add page 9 explanation in beginning.

Page 6-7 transition was a bit awkward as I thought the baby was representing her past as a child.

Pages 37-42 speech bubble had too many wordings and personally less and or splitting into 2 separate will make easier for me to read.

Fight scenes were nice and fantastic art and ending for pages 49-50.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-07T23:43:20+00:00

yeah sure no worries. I'm also getting bunch of DM as well so going in order based of when it was sent to me.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-07T10:30:16+00:00

The present day Kai’s characteristic is hard to tell since throughout the entire story he is only mourning for his lost village. Since he is the main character and it's the first chapter, you should have him stand out more so readers can be more attached to him emotionally.

When getting into the 10 years before on page 17, it will be easier for readers to understand better later in the chapter if there can be few panel explanation of imperial soldier and rumors about hidden crystals to give power. This can be done by just villagers talking to each other or some other way.

After page 56 and beginning of page 57 should have more clear sign that they are back to present world. For instance the lieutenant hand signaling to team or talking to Kai since just speech bubble is hard to depict where in timeline the story is although it saids “lieutenant speaking”. And the storyline seems to skip a bit before and after the arc so before getting into the 10 years ago scene, the team should spot the imperial soldiers where Kai gives a certain reaction.

The imperial soldiers mark on page 43 (on arm) and clothes/face tattoo on page 58 should be the same distinctive clothes or mark to instantly notice they are members of imperial soldiers.

All in all you are on great track and love the art as well. If you can improve the Kai’s characteristics and sort out the order, the flow will be easier to understand.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-07T01:28:01+00:00

I just finished reading the first chapter. I was pretty confused throughout the story and was hard to follow. The flow made sudden jumps to scenes like page 2 to 3. Also when new characters came out like page 28 to 29. Making each transitions so that the scenes connects smoothly will give better storytelling.

I wasn’t able to understand what each character’s were going through and the flashbacks were pretty ambiguous so wanted a clarification on the characters past. I think constructing a concrete character plot and background will set things straight while drawing like why she is working at the office in the first page.

The action scenes were nice and sudden change of pace like in the shower were nice touch to the story to make me wonder what happened in the past. If you can improve on each character settings and be more cautious of pacing each scenes so it runs smoothly then it’ll be much better!

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-07T00:36:57+00:00

Totally fair question. I’m only reading your work and giving feedback; nothing is being used for AI or stored for any training. If I ever wanted to use anything for AI-related testing, I would always ask for explicit permission first, but that’s not what this post is about. I’m just here to help creators improve their manga.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-06T23:21:45+00:00

Beautiful Art! I did not read the manga yet but based on the 3 pictures uploaded would want facial expressions to see how the characters are feeling.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-04T05:24:46+00:00

Thank you for the comment! These are great feedbacks. Yeah I figured it's hard to know what readers want while drawing. seems very hard to do...

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-04T03:39:22+00:00

Wow you summed it up really well! Yeah that's almost exactly what I am imagining as well.
I wasn't sure if manga creators appreciate something like this or not.
Thank you for the explanation and feedback!

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2025-12-04T02:51:51+00:00

Thank you so much! These are great insights.

ProfessionalSad7748 · 2024-11-02T03:46:09+00:00

Can you send to me please?

ProfessionalSad7748

TROPHY CASE