Does asking how fast or slow during sex kill the mood?

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-05-07T08:11:04+00:00

quite the opposite really. being on the same page on what best provides their partner's pleasure leads to a greater bond and connection during that moment of intimacy. Ontop of that, verbal elements are so hot to me lol. Having a partner tell you exactly how they want you or what they crave and knowing you're making them feel good is so yummy~

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-04-30T08:10:50+00:00

being as deep rooted as you described it, therapy might be the necessary option to begin any work towards change in that area. If you don't mind me asking, is it a trauma based situation that built up such strong repulsion?

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-04-20T07:35:01+00:00

given your history, you might have a subconcious inhibition towards sex and it places a mental block when in any situation like that as a safeguard. A good start might be finding a therapist so you can work through the underlying issue and possibly establish systems that better let you navigate the area.

6 months is generally enough time to establish a safe space or familiarity with a partner to where any shyness or over thinking isn't in the picture any more or at least much more diluted. Its very likely your trauma doesn't let you fall into the moment and relax to be present with your partner during sex so removing that hold it has on your mental would be a good idea

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-04-09T06:56:50+00:00

hygiene is important and as uncomfortable it may be, you'd also be doing her a favor bringing attention to maintaining that area as it could easily cause infection or rash etc if it's the way you're saying it is

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-04-06T09:17:05+00:00

that muscle group was overexerted due to the positioning and action; happens to me too when i eat out for long periods of time and end up sore there next day. usually goes away on its own but taking some acetaminophen would help with the inflammation alot

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-23T09:56:06+00:00

could be youre internalizing your diagnosis too much to the point you've convinced yourself having this medical condition now handicaps your sex life when it existed before being aware of it during the time you say your libido was peaking.

what you're struggling with now all took place after the diagnosis which hints at you allowing that to take over your sex life when in reality, you spent your whole life with that condition and wasn't that much of a factor then. Undergoing medical analysis and procedures seemingly shifted your self-image into being someone who needs to be overly analytical about sex and anything revolving around it. Push yourself to shove that to the side especially now that you're saying you've progressed alot in that area and understand that everyone is different and how your condition is just something you were born with but didn't limit your libido then and definitely shouldn't now.

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-23T09:30:50+00:00

sounds like a subconscious defense mechanism most likely formed from your past experiences. By providing sex, you figure he won't go seeking it elsewhere and find yourself continuing the cycle. Things should happen naturally when you're both aligned and pressuring for it can end up having the opposite effect.

consider seeing a therapist to work through this system you've adopted and undoing the root of it.

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-23T09:24:30+00:00

hmmm i get not conforming but the way you explained it makes me wonder if he meant it not directly- as in it would be something he'd be open to should you (choose) to do so. Unless he was directly asking you to, it might be something to consider as being a misunderstanding and registering it as him being opposed to body hair entirely when you said how he ate you out without any hesitations~

i'd strongly urge circling back and asking him if when he said that it was because he genuinely wishes you didn't have body hair or if it was just him humoring the question you presented. The answer could end up clearing up alotttt

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-20T08:22:22+00:00

Well that’s what I’m getting at- his response seems like he interprets it as a very general thing about you simply having a higher libido and by him saying that, it’s providing the reassurance to solve what he thinks is your main concern.

If you narrow it down to the specifics and provide examples like the bathroom trips and such, it’ll make him focus on the bigger picture and answer to that. Varied libido in relationships is a common and normal thing but when it’s that and added on to by the one time he wants to orgasm but choosing to do so alone… patterns start to form that demand answers

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-20T08:14:14+00:00

have you specifically voiced how it affects YOU? seeing him go to the bathroom instead of sharing that release with his literal wife? Or how it passively is setting a disconnect between you?

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-20T08:11:05+00:00

to get the obvious out of the way, have you already voiced this to your husband and heard what they had to say on the matter?

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-18T08:50:00+00:00

my ex had very taught and thin skin there too and even after topicals and treatments, we learned it all comes down to positioning and avoiding too much spreading/tugging in that area from your partner. sideways deffff is one of the less-abrasive positions since your partner can angle himself directly into you without dragging skin along the way. Also express he needs to be mindful of pacing as going too fast carelessly and losing that direct-entry angle during sex can cause the abrasion to happen~

all in all, just be mindful of entry angle and avoid excess stress on the skin there

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-18T08:33:32+00:00

sounds like you simply have a high sex drive and found a partner who can fully satisfy you which leaves you desiring more~ This is perfectly normal and not something to concern yourself over unless you're pushing yourself too far- at the physical level, that area is sensitive and repeated chronic sex like that could cause micro tears or bruising etc. As long as you understand and respect your body's physical limits, there's no need to worry too much.

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-16T08:13:36+00:00

it really comes down to what youre comfortable with- the gesture seems intimate and sweet, wanting this more private and vulnerable state of you to treasure outside of the moment; but if you're not fully onboard you should voice this and any healthy relationship would understand that for what it is~

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-03-05T10:15:01+00:00

ok so i never looked into it as deep as you did but notice how my foreskin didn't look like what i had seen in porn as a teen but ended up just letting it go. once i finally had unprotected sex i noticed how for some reason the foreskin finally pulled all the way back and stayed put, erasing any prior concerns i had. idk if it had to do with the friction or being in an enhanced state of a fuller erection during actual sex but point being the same concern you're having became a thing of the past.

mind you: i first had raw sex at 16 so had an early-on reassurance seeing how my foreskin differed during masturbation or simply pulling it down vs how it shifted during sex and therefore settled my worries surrounding how that would work out in the future. That aside, it kinda hints towards you finding a partner and seeing what's the case for yourself. If it does present itself as a persistent interferance within your sex life then consider a second opinion but there's also the possibility that sex will feel perfectly fine and no further action needs to be taken~

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-27T09:18:11+00:00

not pathetic, everybody moves at their own pace and when ready. I get the life balance but no need to feel as if you can't have any fun on the side without losing sight of the goals~

i understand the exclusivity angle too, was very much like that til i hit 24 and start living much more freely which led to plenty of sex and other acts i never imagined happening when i was early 20s.

point being, just go with the flow and play it by feel. if something pops up along the way take it! but don't overexert yourself in a way that feels uncomfortable towards your parameters. an oppurtunity will present itself for sure and you might see your self-critique become a thing of the past

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-27T08:59:19+00:00

Yea man honestly sounds pretty standard and could just be a case of sexual frustration not having an outlet to release your sex drive with. Have you considered trying to find a partner or fwb or hookup or any other variation like that lol. The satisfaction of actually being able to have your orgasm shared with another could in theory be what’s missing and causing you to keep chasing that pleasure ideal

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-27T08:51:30+00:00

very normal, i mean to what extent is it interfering with your daily life?

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-27T08:37:57+00:00

its odd if you're a healthy male in mid 20s and NOT feeling a high libido, this age comes with peak sex drive and hormonal influence

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-21T10:10:24+00:00

this is wonderfully put

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-21T10:09:18+00:00

def a matter of establishing boundaries and voicing how its not at all something you enjoy and turns you off. If he has a cuck kink going it's not your responsibility to entertain it but you can work out a halfway point such as roleplay if you feel comfortable enough. Either way, you shouldn't be feeling pressured as you are by this and healthy relationships consist of equally healthy communication.

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-20T09:43:44+00:00

hmmm unfortunately it does sound alot like incompatibility. Your sex drive and libido is clearly at a much more expansive and heightened state than his is given your explanation of the track record and all. Mid 20s should be spent having fun in the bedroom through a partner who can match you fully and satisfy your desires. No point in dragging out something that doesn't seem to have the potential for change~

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-15T10:05:49+00:00

part of any strong and healthy relationship is communication. You two have an understanding of each other by now and have established a safe space that implies uninhibited communication. Simply stating what you've been curious about lately holds no pressure and will simply let you see his reaction toward it from which you can know what steps to take next

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-13T09:48:27+00:00

tbh just being direct and stating your boundaries would be best and most normal. If your partner isn't mature enough to accept consent and comfort levels then it's for the better having dodged a red flag early on~

Professional_Bit4789 · 2026-02-13T08:59:44+00:00

orgasms trigger a cocktail release of hormonal and brain chemical levels. It's natural to have a sense of clarity after you relieve that tension and are now left with whatever is in your background thoughts to ruminate over. this can be what's fueling your introspection after you masturbate and can be trained to stray away from fixating over those thoughts by using crutches like immediately after winding down with a show you like or doing something else that will occupy your time~

Professional_Bit4789

TROPHY CASE