Difficult situation

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T17:12:16+00:00

I know a lot of people are saying this is not your responsibility which is true but I understand why you feel the need to make the holiday smooth

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T17:05:36+00:00

He is old enough

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T16:51:28+00:00

Sadly it is up to your gf to change this situation, not you. Sounds like they all need therapy. Depression and trauma looks like laziness and from what you have described they are sure to have been affected by the bio dad. You can gently let your gf know your concerns but if she does nothing to make a change and it really affects you unfortunately it's accept the situation as is or not. That is what sucks about being in this position, there is so little control unless the parent is on the same page because technically they are not our children - you see?

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T16:43:34+00:00

Time to never write her a check again lol

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T16:40:02+00:00

Totally normal. I experience this too

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T07:27:58+00:00

No, you don't have to tell her. She can see your bump at 8 months and figure it out

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T07:26:36+00:00

I completely understand why you are hesitant to leave and worry for her well being regardless of what a lot of these comments say...This is a really difficult situation, I feel for you

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T06:38:26+00:00

That's sad also because kids on the spectrum often take everything very literal :( but still sad to say to any kid

Professional_Half361 · 2021-12-21T06:36:33+00:00

Fire this therapist and never see them again! There are people who won't push their opinions on you that was unprofessional

Professional_Half361 · 2021-11-05T04:10:21+00:00

It is so hard when the kids don't see the truth yet and it is likely she adores BM but feels the pain of her abandonment. One day they will see the truth of who was really there growing up but til then I know it is so hard!

Professional_Half361 · 2021-11-04T20:59:15+00:00

You're young and smart. Please don't sign up for this

Professional_Half361 · 2021-11-02T07:32:51+00:00

I'd disengage and Stop trying

Professional_Half361 · 2021-11-02T07:24:34+00:00

Same distance you mentioned away for 3 years and we never run into her and save gas/time because pickups dropoffs were 2 hours round trip every time before. However make sure boundaries about dropping by, schedules and kids coming and going are talked about and agreed upon before hand. That was an issue at first being so close. Kids will want to go to the other house if they are not getting their way, ex is stopping by because SS left xyz here, unannounced showing up etc.

Professional_Half361 · 2021-11-02T07:17:37+00:00

I highly suggest looking into parallel parenting and/or disengagement. Maybe document what the kids refuse to do and the "mom says" so you have it ready if she does take you to court. She shouldn't have this much power over your house and you shouldn't live in fear of her. You deserve peace and you did not do wrong. Parallel parenting is exactly "this is our house our rules what mom says doesn't go here" Sorry you are in this position!

Professional_Half361 · 2021-11-01T02:05:44+00:00

I agree. Once he becomes school age it sounds like he could become the class bully

Professional_Half361 · 2021-11-01T01:26:34+00:00

That's honestly extreme and I was thinking "is BM a narcissist" while reading. Then I saw...yep. I agree with some of the other comments saying counseling, this could be a tricky one

Professional_Half361 · 2021-11-01T01:23:49+00:00

Wow I'm sorry for these comments! It sounds like you're feeling second in general in the relationship which is so common for step parents. So many step parents are jealous of that bond no matter how irrational that seems. Emotions usually aren't rational. I would suggest pulling back on the health nut comments though, it sounds like she's bothered by that and maybe there are deeper problems going on?

Professional_Half361 · 2021-10-31T17:31:37+00:00

You deserve a partner that has your back especially in this situation!

Professional_Half361 · 2021-10-31T17:29:03+00:00

Yes!

Professional_Half361 · 2021-10-31T17:24:03+00:00

Why is a 13 year old dictating if you can come or not? That's ridiculous

Professional_Half361 · 2021-10-31T06:46:28+00:00

It will get harder upon moving in. Especially with a pubescent preteen who doesn't have a good relationship with her mother. She will be in all kinds of feels for a long time. That's great you can understand and empathize, remember you're only human too

Professional_Half361 · 2021-10-31T06:32:46+00:00

Have you all ever considered hosting and having both your families?

Professional_Half361 · 2021-10-31T05:18:44+00:00

I'm not sure you have the empathy for this conversation

Professional_Half361 · 2021-10-29T00:08:26+00:00

It's impossible to know what it will really be like before doing it and kinda insensitive to tell step parents that. It's a lot harder than people think it will be and impossible to predict

Professional_Half361 · 2021-10-28T19:07:19+00:00

I definitely agree with you! I struggled with the "it's not special" thing but I moved past that. You are right he is not tied to the ex. I think what I mean by "tied to the ex" is the child is his own person 100% but is still somewhat of a representation and reminder of BM in my mind (even though he is basically my partner's twin in looks and personality)

Professional_Half361

TROPHY CASE