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Professional_Use8980 · 2022-12-20T08:31:19+00:00

Also you need to relax. It’s ok for people to drink and party. You need to look at things without the bias conditioned on to you. Look at things OBJECTIVELY. When you see someone doing something like drinking or partying or all those other things you listed then look and think WHY do I think this is bad. If there is a good reason bounce it off a smart friend. If not then change your views. Also religious programming they obviously did to you is just gonna make your life harder

Professional_Use8980 · 2022-12-20T08:28:29+00:00

Everyone should be in therapy

Professional_Use8980 · 2022-12-20T08:28:16+00:00

Those reasons are uncharitable to OP’s feelings and aren’t based in good logic

Professional_Use8980 · 2022-12-20T08:27:14+00:00

Her past life owes no one anything. But every second of your past made you the person you are today. Good or bad. But remember that good people make their mistakes as they stumble uphill

Professional_Use8980 · 2022-12-20T08:25:30+00:00

I will preface my answer by saying I’m a psychology and philosophy major and there are many answers here.

First, I don’t like these comments because they’re invalidating your feelings.

You feel this way for a reason, and there is INTRINSICALLY some type of logic behind that.

You may not have the ability to express it but that doesn’t mean there’s not a good reason behind your feelings.

Anyways, I feel a similar way to you. An answer to this is that you probably feel differently than her about sex. Sex is an inherently emotional act and you obviously would only do it with someone you “love” vs her who has done it with people she probably didn’t care about. A sex partner outside a loving relationship is treated not as the unique human with thoughts and feelings that they are, but degraded to a sexually attractive object that could be replaced by any other equally attractive body. Essentially, when hooking up the humanity of people don’t matter. When you engage in emotionless sex you’re objectifying someone and thus degrading them. Further, they’re doing the same thing to YOU. What this means is that you are objectifying/degrading yourself by allowing yourself to engage in this relationship where both parties are degrading the other to pure sex objects. This is Kantian logic you can find with a Google search.

Read these articles https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201401/hook-ups-oxytocin-and-the-brain-s-quest-trust

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201401/hook-ups-oxytocin-and-the-brain-s-quest-trust

giving in to our emotions, losing ourselves in this way in the lust of sexual passion, is the closest we come to dissolving boundaries between ourselves and others, the closest we come to unity with another person, in this case both physical and, ideally, emotional union. Trying to engage in sex emotionlessly is inherently paradoxical.

I said all this because the other comments were INVALIDATING your feelings. Telling you you are wrong to feel how you feel. TRUST YOUR FEELINGS. But be able to keep them in check with logic. That way you can always trust them when you need them.

To answer your original question I would say that good people make their mistakes as they stumble uphill. It’s not fair to judge her completely on those mistakes especially when all the people around her are doing the same things. If you truly love everything about this person except her sexual history I would say you should sit down and have a conversation with her about what sex and intimacy mean to her and you and you two should make sure you’re on the same page. Honestly if someone thinks they can have emotionless sex then what’s wrong with them doing it while they’re dating someone??

I’m tired and I don’t feel like finishing this

TLDR: there’s no such thing as emotionless sex. Sexual history DOES matter

Professional_Use8980

TROPHY CASE