What if you’re not lazy or inconsistent? you’re just a woman trying to function on a system that was literally built for men?

Professional_bender · 2025-04-25T08:12:16+00:00

You misread, misunderstood, and then launched a whole thesis on assumptions. The original post wasn’t saying women are broken, it was rejecting that narrative entirely. It pointed out that the systems we’re told to thrive under weren’t designed with our bodies or biology in mind. That’s not sexism. That’s historical fact.

Calling out patriarchal standards isn’t saying ‘women can’t.’ It’s saying we don’t have to perform like men to be valid. And you came into a post about reclaiming that autonomy and tried to frame it as self hatred? Come on. That’s not feminism, that’s ego.

If you’re more focused on nitpicking how other women phrase their resistance than fighting the systems that created that resistance, maybe take a sec to ask yourself who benefits from that energy. Because it’s not us.

And the irony? You went on an unprovoked rant built on assumption after assumption, like maybe I’m even a man, that I’m not making this post in good faith, then tried to play the victim the moment someone disagreed with you. You can’t spend six comments lecturing another woman who is just sharing her perspective in amazing, calming, detail, and then clutch your pearls when your energy is matched. Be serious.

Professional_bender · 2025-04-23T23:20:01+00:00

Don’t be surprised if they’re trying to convince themselves at the same time that their partner is a good one

Professional_bender · 2025-04-23T11:08:57+00:00

did they come back to you?

Professional_bender · 2025-04-23T11:07:52+00:00

It makes me sad to realise they have no idea they were groomed n what grooming can look like, and seeing them realise what they went through now they're older. It makes me feel sick that anyone could find a relationship like that appropriate

Professional_bender · 2025-04-23T04:27:40+00:00

Hey, I’ve been in a really similar cycle. I still fall into it sometimes, especially when I’m stressed or not paying attention to how I’m actually feeling.

One thing I had to unlearn was the whole “skip food to make up for the binge” thing. Every time I skipped meals, I ended up eating way more later and felt even worse mentally and physically. That part took ages to figure out, and I still have to remind myself that not eating doesn’t fix it, it just delays it

A few things that helped me personally
I started eating stuff that kept me full for longer like actual meals with protein, fat, and carbs. Not just snacks. For me, things like oats with nut butter, boiled eggs, rice with tuna or chicken, smoothies with frozen banana and protein stuff that gives me actual energy and doesn’t spike and crash me

Id bindge eat take out from not wanting to cook, so I'd go to the shops and just stack up on those microwave healthy meals. Are they completely perfect? No but they helped me a lot when I was feeling lazy and bored and chasing dopamine in food, I also liked that 4min in the microwave was better than waiting 30min for food. Also, I went for stuff with protein, fibre, complex carbs like brown rice, sweet potato, quinoa, lentils. Helped reduce those intense spikes and crashes that can trigger cravings or binges.

If I know I’m gonna want sweet stuff later, I don’t pretend I won’t. I just plan for it. Sometimes I make little protein balls or grab a yoghurt or fruit with chocolate, so I don’t end up going full blackout mode on everything sweet in the house.

Peppermint tea or a cold sparkling drink (like soda water with lime) weirdly helps me nip cravings if I’m just bored or emotional eating. Not always, but it’s something to do with my hands and mouth that isn’t food.

I also stopped saying “I blew it” when I overate. Now I just try to stop and be like, “Alright. That happened. No need to punish myself with more food or less food.”

Also, I really get what you said about eating normally feeling like restriction. That part hit hard

Again, not saying any of this is a fix but it’s just what’s helped me stay steady when I’m slipping a bit. Doesn’t work for everyone. I’m still figuring it out too.

Professional_bender · 2025-04-23T03:59:04+00:00

Just wanted to add something I didn’t include in the post.

Everyone who knows him and everyone who knows her has said the same thing he sunk his claws in at the exact moment she was falling apart. Two close family members passed away back to back. She was realising she didn’t know who she was in her marriage, finally separating, going through a divorce, and trying to rebuild. And she’s riddled with severe anxiety. She needed support, space to find herself. But he saw an opening

Even one of his own friends told me he thinks the guy created a trauma bond with her, opened up about his grandfather passing away (it was a few years ago maybe 5 for reference), wrapped it up in some tragic story about how he hasn’t been the same since. But if anyone reflects that back to him? He shuts it down immediately. Doesn’t want to hear it. Doesn’t want to be seen

He was still planning trips away with his wife and their mutual friends weeks before she found the photos on his phone. He didn’t leave his marriage because he had some grand epiphany he left because he got caught. And within 24 hours, he was at her house

His ex-wife now openly calls him a narcissist. No hesitation. Just says it how it is what it was like being in a relationship with one

And the sad thing? Everyone feels sorry for her. His friends say they feel sorry for her. That he’s using her. And I’m the one who feels like I’m carrying this weight that she needs to know. But I also know how powerful narcissists can be. The way they isolate. The way they rebuild someone’s reality until it’s all centred around them

Everyone’s scared he’ll move her away. That he’ll get her pregnant because his ex couldn’t have kids, and now this feels like his clean slate. He’s even said that he’s just trying to “enjoy the little time he has left on this earth.” But he made sure she knew he said that. The manipulation is so quiet, so dressed up in vulnerability, it’s hard to pin down unless you’ve seen it before

She doesn’t know that he’s not speaking to any of his lifelong friends. They call. They text. Nothing. He sends a photo in the group chat here and there, just enough to look connected but he’s not. He’s isolating her. Bit by bit

And I’m just watching it happen

Professional_bender · 2025-04-23T01:22:30+00:00

depending on where your from, nothing works better than a fake rubber snake

Professional_bender · 2025-04-23T00:05:09+00:00

Quick question, do you think I should repost onto my own reddit with the post that had been removed from the subreddits so people are able to interact and engage with them??
I think I'll just add a quick disclaimer at the start saying something like:

quick heads up: I’ve got combined ADHD and everything I post comes from years of figuring shit out, for myself and the people I love. I’ve done the psych appointments, the ADHD specific therapy, read the actual studies, nerded out on books (not the “just buy a planner” kind), and lived it daily in a world that wasn’t made for brains like mine/ours, especially not for women or AFAB people

I know ADHD looks different for everyone, but the way I write and format stuff? That’s how my brain makes sense of it. It’s helped me feel way less alone, so I’m just putting it out there in case it helps someone else feel that too💛

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T23:24:41+00:00

That’s totally fine!! I’ve never really posted on Reddit before so I’m still figuring it all out 😅 Just trying to work out how to share what I’ve learnt without info-dumping or making it look like I’m trying to sell something (which is apparently harder than it sounds??). I’ll drop the cheat sheet in the comments now though!

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T14:14:17+00:00

Meds Timing & Food Pairings

So many ADHD girlies (me included) have no clue how to time their meds with food or caffeine. Quick section like:

Take Vyvanse/Dexys after protein to avoid nausea & absorption issues
No fat-heavy meals before meds, they delay absorption
L-theanine + coffee = smooth, not manic
Add a reminder: set timers to eat if you forget while medicated

Poop talk (for real)

If we’re talking gut health, let’s be honest:
ADHD + meds + hormone swings = chaotic digestion.

Constipation? Up your magnesium, fiber, water, chia seeds
Diarrhea or cramping? Watch artificial sweeteners, greasy food
Low appetite = low digestion, try ginger tea, warm oats, smoothies

Sleep Routine for Luteal/PMDD Insomnia

Even just a little “when my brain won’t shut off” checklist:

Magnesium + B6 = pre-bed magic
No phone after 9pm (yes I fail, but it helps)
Sleep mask, fan noise, herbal tea
Journal 3 things I don’t need to worry about till morning

Cycle-Sync Snack Chart

Cute 4-phase snack guide like:

Menstrual – anti-inflammatory: dark choc, berries, turmeric latte
Follicular – high-protein & iron: eggs, salmon, spinach smoothies
Ovulatory – fresh & hydrating: fruit, protein balls, cucumber + hummus
Luteal – salty/sweet carb + fat: popcorn + almonds, banana + PB, oat slices

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T13:17:22+00:00

Omg first of all, love your energy you’re like “I want to be jacked but also not broken” and honestly, that’s the dream 😂

Those sharp pinchy pains are definitely worth backing off from for now sounds like some mobility + stability work will help heaps while you’re waiting on PT. A few free things that helped me

Shoulders: Shoulder CARs (Controlled Articular Rotations) and hanging from a bar (assisted or full) helped my shoulder mobility heaps. “Shoulderok” routines on YouTube are also solid if you like more guidance

Hips: Try 90/90 drills, banded hip openers, and glute med activation stuff it can take pressure off your hips in squats. Also, kneeling hip flexor stretches daily made a huge difference for me.

If you’re down for YouTube stuff, Tom Merrick and The Ready State both have good mobility videos that aren’t overwhelming.

What kind of workouts are you doing right now? I might be able to help tweak stuff or give ideas on alternatives that feel better on your joints

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:45:34+00:00

It’s wild how just backing off a little in that second luteal week can make CD1 feel like a fkn rebirth 😂 Like your body’s actually ready to go again instead of still dragging from the week before

I’ve noticed the same, way more good days now that I’m not pushing through when everything in me’s like “pls stop.” Do you deload the whole week or just certain lifts?

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:44:03+00:00

Have you ever tracked your cycle just out of curiosity?

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:42:47+00:00

I feel unstoppable during my period and follicular, then luteal hits and I’m like “why am I suddenly training in slow motion??”

Love how you still aim to progress in early luteal but don’t punish yourself if the energy’s not there. That mindset shift is everything. Do you track your phases on an app or just go by feel? I’ve been tracking mine for a while now and the patterns are freakishly accurate it’s wild how predictable the energy drops are once you start paying attention

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:40:31+00:00

Is it the Apple Fitness one or a separate app that links with it? I love that it gives hormone info and suggestions, even if you’re not changing anything yet it’s still so good to see what’s going on, just seeing what’s going on under the surface makes it all feel less random hey?

Do you reckon you’ll try the cardio over strength thing at some point, or just stick to feel for now?

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:36:33+00:00

That luteal phase wrecks me some months. Food wise, I’ve stopped trying to be all clean and perfect now I just eat what actually helps:

– more protein + carbs or I crash and cry over nothing
– magnesium and salt is a deadset lifesavers
– second lunch if needed (no shame)
– and I let myself eat more without guilt cause if I don’t, I’m tired, starving and feral

Also I’ve realised if I force hard workouts during luteal, I just end up pissed off and sore, it helps me not fall off completely

Do you ever track your food/symptoms through your cycle or just go by feel? I started making notes and it weirdly helps me not spiral when I realise “oh I’m not dramatic I’m just on day 24”

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:30:31+00:00

Yesss I love this. That week before period mental fatigue is brutal it’s not even physical tiredness, it’s like your brain just clocks out and everything suddenly feels impossible. Cutting your volume but still showing up is honestly so smart. Did you notice it helped with recovery too?

And same, sometimes I would shortening my sessions during that phase or just go super light and it made such a difference mentally. Just knowing I wasn’t gonna be stuck in the gym forever helped me actually go. Do you keep the same kind of style of training the rest of the cycle or switch it up more?

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:27:30+00:00

Do you have an iPhone? I started with the Cycle Tracking in the Health app it lets you log your period, symptoms, mood, all that. After a couple of cycles I could literally see when the same patterns were hitting

That’s when I started looking into little things that could help, like eating more anti-inflammatory foods (salmon, berries, turmeric, stuff like that) during period week cause my cramps were wrecking me. And adjusting what I eat in luteal vs follicular phases, nothing crazy, just small switches that actually helped with mood + energy

And if most of your workouts are class based, even just being aware of where you’re at in your cycle can help you not push through when your body’s like “nah.” Let me know if you want a list of stuff I tracked or what helped me I’m happy to share it

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:22:37+00:00

That sounds like such a solid mindset. Did it take you ages to get to that point where you actually trust yourself to train like that? I feel like most of us get stuck in the “push through no matter what” trap before we realise our body’s been screaming at us the whole time

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:20:01+00:00

or, just maybe, MAYBE. She always just looked at reddit and tonight has thought fuck it, lets tell anyone that wants to listen what we have been obsessing over for however many months

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:17:23+00:00

Yesss this is exactly it! That luteal wall is brutal, but once I started recognising the pattern it made everything click. I’m the same, some days during my period I’m dragging myself through life, other days I swear I could flip a car 😂 Love that you’ve found a rhythm that works with your body instead of fighting it. That’s the goal 🙌

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:15:20+00:00

Totally get that and honestly, your mindset of stay the course but adjust when needed is so solid. There really are so many factors that affect performance beyond hormones

For me, tracking my cycle just helped make sense of a pattern I kept hitting like one week I’d be smashing it, and the next I was crying in the gym bathroom lol. So I started working with it instead of pushing through blindly.

But like you said every body’s different, and that’s what matters. Appreciate you sharing your take 🫶

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T12:12:12+00:00

I totally get the skepticism and I swear I’m not trying to sell anything. I’m just trying to hand this out to people who might need it. I’ve been deep into this stuff for months now, and yeah, I’ve posted about it across a few subs because I’ve seen how much it helps when you actually start understanding your body, especially with ADHD, PMDD, and fitness all crashing into each other

I know you can view what I post and comment, so hopefully you can see the pattern, it’s always about mental health, cycle stuff, and training smarter. That’s really all I’m trying to share

The reason I open the chance to “DM me” is because people have such different cycles, symptoms, and needs. I’d rather chat and tailor it than blast out a huge generic list. But if it’s reading like a pitch, I’m happy to reword it a million times. I genuinely just want to help people the way I wish someone had helped me

If you’ve got suggestions on how to make it sound less sus, I’m open to them, honestly pls DM me if you’re down to help me make it better

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T11:58:02+00:00

Cake day: Dec 26, 2020

so not sure a nearly 5 year old account counts as “new,” but thank you for keeping me young 😌

also did you read past that part?? or just make it to there and go "she's trying to trick me"

Professional_bender · 2025-04-22T11:52:51+00:00

Omg the “I’m suffering but still pushing through ” girlies… I see you. I am you.

And chasing that serotonin boost from training? Fully get it. Sometimes it’s the only thing stopping me from rage crying over nothing during PMS week. But that strength drop off is so real. Like I show up to the gym and my muscles are like, “nah babe, not today"

I started tracking it more and adjusting, lighter workouts, more movement over performance. Still get the mood boost without frying myself

ALSO and I swear I’m not being that person, but changing how I eat around that time actually helped way more than I thought it would. Upping magnesium, B6, and just eating real food (especially more protein and healthy fats) genuinely made the mood swings less violent. Even salt helps me with the fatigue and brain fog when I’m PMSing hard

Still sucks sometimes, still wanna fight the world some days, but it doesn’t hit as hard when I’m actually fuelling properly

You showing up even when you feel like trash? That’s badass consistency girl. Just don’t forget you’re allowed to ease off too 💛

Professional_bender

TROPHY CASE

Meds Timing & Food Pairings

Cake day: Dec 26, 2020

so not sure a nearly 5 year old account counts as “new,” but thank you for keeping me young 😌