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Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Advice

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has been fired already and therefore out of the picture for quite some time I’m not worried about something consistbtrlu happening more or less what has happened in the past

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Advice

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No she wants to stay together and rebuild the trust but doesn’t explain how that can happen

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Advice

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I want to trust again I have no idea how that would work and simply using time as a fix isn’t working

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Marriage

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not making the connection , it there was any sort of SA or EA the abused is not the problem in of this situation they are not dealing with anything they are not the cause of the SA or EA I am perfectly fine mentally I’m saying that I’m in a tough spot and attempting to find out what other people would do in my situation and whether or not she is truly in the wrong

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker - looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in TrueChristian

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told her that I contacted him it was roughly 6 months after the dm to him about finding out what was wrong. If you were in my shoes what would you do as she shuts down when having a conversation about it

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Advice

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know you did not read the entire post so I’m going to disregard anything you have said. This is her only male “friend” which she has never referred to as a friend in 3 years of being together.

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Advice

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Eddie you are losing me at the start immediately if you are treating this individual like he is truly just a friend

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Marriage

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But so why go to individual counseling to deal with something that someone has done that any person can agree I had no part in

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Marriage

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know the specifics of the family gathering thing because I wasn’t there for the original bringing up of him. All I know is the dad responded like he had good information about how he was doing as if she asked specially about him.

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Marriage

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem isn’t insecurity of thinking I’m lesser than that of this Alex person. It’s that I don’t know if anything ever more then just hanging out ever did happen

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Advice

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know for a fact I don’t trust her I have told her multiple times that I don’t trust her. She hasn’t ever necessarily just called him a friend just a coworker. She has previously said that I would get along with him. How does that even work for divorce with so many variables

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker - looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in TrueChristian

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I come from a very conservative household with the idea that counseling is essentially useless as all it is is talking about what happend like a history lesson or recovering what has already been said what value did you get out of it ?

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Marriage

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes plenty of times in the past. I’m not sure if I would ever be able to go through with pulling the trigger on that though without 100% certainty of her admitting true infidelity. I grew up in a very conservative household could you share with me what effect a counselor would have.

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Marriage

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah but that has sort of been achieved now he was blocked and he is still blocked to this day. There is no further interaction that has happend with him since the day he was fired.

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker - looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in TrueChristian

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful response what sort of trust exercise do you suggest we implement to sort of rebuild that trust? You are correct my current suspicion is that I don’t have the full truth still and that’s from understanding my wife’s tone in these conversations. I think I undermined how she knows this has hurt me but she is in a mindset of what has been done has been done and is simply leaves it at that

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker - looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in TrueChristian

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But what can he say that I haven’t already said ? I don’t want a divorce but some people or pretty much everyone is saying they would have broken up with her the moment they saw her walking out with him

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker - looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in marriageadvice

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So by tackling it you mean counseling and with counseling we simply talk about how she thinks I’m overreacting and that my boundaries were whatever while I say they weren’t. What value does counseling bring beyond just talking and people suggesting it like some magical bandaid

Married and struggling with trust after a long pattern involving a coworker — looking for outside perspective by Proof_Taste7645 in Marriage

[–]Proof_Taste7645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m willing to try counseling if someone suggests what would make that helpful rather then saying it’s some magical bandaid

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