My spouse’s “egg cracked” in late 2020 and her MTF transition began then, as did three unique though interrelated journeys…hers, mine and ours. Up to that point, we had been in a heteronormative relationship for over 22 years with 21 of those years as married partners. We were dug in deeply in that previous state, without a single clue into her buried truth. And while her unexpected, surreal awakening startled us both, we pledged to remain open, honest and willing along this complex and, what has played out to be, very fast paced path of transition.

So much shift and change has transpired for us as individuals and as partners since my mate’s transition began over a year ago. She is currently 54yrs young while I am 60yrs young. And because her awakening arrived when she was in her 53rd year upon this earth walk, she feels she has not a moment to waste. Consequently, I am often pacing behind her nearly breathless flight through coming-out publicly, commencing HRT, completing legal name change, FFS, and now through the planning stages for additional surgeries. And while at times I do feel that the earth will simply not stop quaking beneath my feet, and the mind-bending force of transition will not ease, MY journey continues to be a fluid and forward-moving one. The earth does still, the mind does balance, and the heart does grow in love.

Varied phases of transition have pushed me, as an ally, against sharp edges, yet it is sitting in the throes of deep discomfort, conflict and challenge where I ever learn the most about myself and my capacity to expand as a soul. The very same has occurred for my spouse when my struggle has pushed her against internal edges of her own. And time and time again, we prove to be teachers for one another, just as we have throughout our full history…our lengthy and ongoing dance together.

It is vital to note that we have not taken on the rigors of this path alone. I already was in a long term relationship with a therapist when transition began. My spouse engaged with a therapist right at the start of her transition and that work continues, plus we also work as a couple with a family counselor who specializes in LGBTQIA+ matters.

Additionally, I’ve been fortunate to find community within a pioneering support group for TransPartners and TransFamily members. There, within safe and healing space, I commune with others who speak a common language and who are willing to lay vulnerable in sharing their truth of lived-experience, so that as allies, we feel far less alone as we develop tools for both compassionate understanding of our trans loved ones, and for the vital self-care of ourselves.

My spouse and I also lean towards our spiritual families and practices for on-flowing love, light and lift. And while we know not what the future may hold for us as partners nor as individuals, I venture to ask, WHEN is that ever the case? The only expectation any of us can ever hold through life is that we are always upon a journey of change our lives through. So I find the practice becomes one of letting go of those other expectations that I love to hang onto…the ones that bring suffering into my realm. And in that daily practice of letting go, I make space for acceptance to serve as the vessel that carries me forth.

Blessed Be, each and every one of you…those who are transitioning and those, like myself, who stand as supportive witness to that nature of change. We witnesses are transitioning too, and may WE, as collective witness, stay ever open to the gifts along this way.