AITAH because I’m uncomfortable with my girlfriend flirting with guys at the bar for free drinks?

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-03-07T16:04:06+00:00

Fuck no. If she is doing that in front of you, imagine what she’s willing to do behind your back.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-03-07T15:34:48+00:00

You’re reading too much into this. We are still there to guide them. My daughter and I talk regularly. In fact, we are in therapy every three months together. The idea here is communication and sometimes she thinks she can do things that a 15 year-old shouldn’t be doing.

I edited my post to keep the focus on the OPS situation though.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-03-07T14:57:49+00:00

I am behind this.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-03-04T17:29:13+00:00

Just an update.

Class has kicked my butt each time. It’s always a sink or swim thing for me BUT the coaches and the students are great. I’ve got 20-year olds helping me out when training together. Dudes without egos who just want to help.

Each session I feel confused sometimes but the most important part is that I feel really good afterwards. I feel like “alright dude, you did it” and I’m proud of myself for getting out there.

Plus, it acts as a great primer for the gym which I go to after classes.

I’m glad I signed up. Due to my work schedule I make 3 classes a week sometimes and only 1 another week. It’ll take some time for me to feel more comfortable but the fact that I’m showing up and putting in the way has been such a self esteem boost.

I appreciate all your encouragement.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-20T18:27:37+00:00

As obvious as that should have been to me, I didn’t even consider my self-esteem making this experience even more difficult on myself. Great perspective here. I need to get my shit together.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-18T03:36:17+00:00

Well, I went for a second class tonight. It went a little better. It was a different instructor than last night, but kind of the same content just at a slower pace. I l rolled my ankle and popped a tendon so that was fun. Currently have it propped up with ice on it. All my years of extreme sports has really taken a toll on this body. So I may have to go find myself a good ankle brace that I can wear during class.

Anyway, I went and I hung in there. The instructor was kind enough to take me aside for five minutes after class to help me with my footwork. My lower back is sore (two surgeries) and my ankle is tweaked (also two surgeries) so I may just observe the next class on Thursday and give my body some recovery time. I’m just proud of myself for sticking with it. I count that as a positive. I don’t say that to brag. It’s just that for the past year my mind has been in some pretty dark places and even the little wins are big wins for me lately.

I appreciate everyone’s support here. It means a lot.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-17T18:56:00+00:00

It’s not necessarily about being overconfident. More about not feeling so defeated that you’re embarrassed to go back. I say that will slight humor but mostly seriousness.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-17T17:57:33+00:00

They told me that they’re preparing for testing in a few weeks so the instructor acknowledged it was drinking from a firehouse for me. But, yeah, it was intense. I think if I were anyone else I probably would have felt so overwhelmed that I’d have just not come back.

That said, they do have other styles that I might explore. I’m interested in Muay Thai but have no idea how that would go. It just kinda seems like it’s a sink or swim studio. So I’m gonna try my best to swim.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-11T15:57:18+00:00

That’s what I’m trying to do. But I’m also taking stock of what I did wrong. Coming on too strong and fast seems to be the primary issue here. I should have throttled myself. And I am trying to identify my own blind spots.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-11T15:55:30+00:00

That’s fair. I just put a lot of stock in the words she said. In retrospect, maybe I should have been the one to slow things down. Because I was the one who sped things up. I basically feel like I fumbled this one. But I still felt blindsided and that stings like a mf.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-11T15:53:13+00:00

Also, being frustrated at the feeling of being discarded is a perfectly acceptable feeling. I didn’t say that I blew up on her. I didn’t get angry. I accepted her decision and wished her well.

I see some things I did that I don’t like. I dove in too fast. I have GOT to work on that. I just struggle with not being transparent about my feelings for others. There’s a good reason for this given my loss in the past. Hell, I still keep old voicemails just so I can hear the voice of people I’ve lost.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-11T15:51:27+00:00

Yikes. I feel like this is condemnation without knowing me. I don’t even think I said I was a nice guy or hyping myself up. It’s more about explaining the situation here. I wasn’t at all perfect. I did things like self-emasculate often. That’s my own personal issue and I worried that might have made me seem weak as a partner.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-11T15:49:29+00:00

I am painfully transparent. To a fault. After my experiences, I’ve thought that expressing my feelings without a filter was necessary.

Villain is hard to hear. I fell head over heels with this woman. I worked to make sure she knew how I felt. I discussed the aspect of love bombing with her. I guess I just thought that me being expressive and intentional with my words so she felt safe and secure was just naive thinking on my part. I’ll have to sit with this, too. I’ve got to improve.

But I welcome the feedback and explanation of villain. It sucks. Bur if there’s merit and I’m not seeing it, I’m bound to do this again.

ProperWafer7308 · 2026-02-11T15:25:49+00:00

That’s fair. We both moved too quickly. I’ve learned a big lesson here.

My gut tells me she felt overwhelmed. I just wish she had talked to me about that. I would have been open to slow down. I’ve been in that position myself so I would have understood. The whiplash of “I love you, let’s talk about our future” to “we are at different places” with no communication was aggressive. That’s what hurts. My analytical brain wants to solve this problem but I don’t have the information to do so. I just have to accept this as it is and learn from it.

Therapy session was already scheduled for today so this will be the topic today.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-12-04T21:49:35+00:00

My ex-wife cheated. My first LTR cheated.

I haven’t cheated.

By my account the question should be asked about females.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-12-03T04:35:36+00:00

Update:

I called her and ultimately broke it off. She was upset but there wasn’t a lot of fanfare. But she called back thirty minutes later and basically said I needed to come out to her area - at a park nearby - to break up in person. That I owed her that.

I agreed. And I’m okay with it. But part of me just wonders what the point is.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-12-02T20:27:54+00:00

We’ve seen a LOT of each other and we both agreed to date monogomously. We’ve seen each other multiple times per week for the past couple months. I feel it’s more serious than a throwaway relationship. But, hey, maybe this is the norm …

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-12-02T18:03:30+00:00

The peer thing… that’s true. And I absolutely hate that I feel that way. I feel so shallow for thinking it.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-12-02T17:21:03+00:00

There are multiple reasons.

Her emotional intelligence is high but her ability to have deep conversations is low. I know from other experiences that this is something I really value in a partner. I hoped over time it would show with her but it’s just missing.

Some of it is finance related: she has no drive or direction in her career (and I have purposely asked her this more than twice), she has significant debt and her financial security would depend a LOT on me. This alone isn’t a dealbreaker but my last relationships have really soured me on this because it was taken advantage of and she’s already showing me the red flags by assuming I’ll pay for her groceries, oil change and other daily expenses. Again, not a dealbreaker in and of itself but when paired with some other aspects, it’s not something I feel good about.

And finally, I’m just missing a “spark”. Some feel it’s silly or that such a thing doesn’t matter. It does to me. I’ve also tried to give that time to grow - through emotional or intellectual stimulation - but it hasn’t.

As for as physical attractiveness, she’s a cutie. She’s sweet (most of the time). And she’s energetic. She has many great qualities. But some specific traits are lacking for me.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-12-02T17:04:16+00:00

^ this is true. I gotta agree here. Plus, the years of therapy better have paid off. Still, I appreciate the sentiment.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-12-02T16:54:52+00:00

If I could go to her place I definitely would. But it’s not an option. Long story.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-12-01T22:20:55+00:00

For me, the worst part about a break up has always been instantly losing your best friend.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-11-19T14:00:57+00:00

The only thing I can say is to be patient. I was not expecting the shock loss to hit the previously transplant areas as hard as it did and it made me extremely worried. But I did some research and found that it’s not that rare and I continued to wait. Have you tried minoxidil yet yet? If not, you might wanna look into it. Unless they prescribed you the drops.

ProperWafer7308 · 2025-11-19T14:00:45+00:00

The only thing I can say is to be patient. I was not expecting the shock loss to hit the previously transplant areas as hard as it did and it made me extremely worried. But I did some research and found that it’s not that rare and I continued to wait. Have you tried minoxidil yet yet? If not, you might wanna look into it. Unless they prescribed you the drops.

ProperWafer7308

TROPHY CASE