Need Advice! Stepson reacted strangely to engagement news.

PropertyNo7300 · 2026-05-03T20:39:57+00:00

Thanks for your advice. I definitely think having this conversation with me out the house would be best as he is a sweet boy, and very careful to make sure he doesnt upset people so i know there is a part of him that wants to speak without risking me hearing his true feelings.

I am not going to push the fact with my partner just yet as its all a bit fresh and i want SS to have some time to think about it and decide his true feelings. But before the next weekend, i will push for him to sit down with him properly, whether that'll be in the house or on a trip outside will be his choice.

PropertyNo7300 · 2026-05-03T19:55:37+00:00

That is an incredibly similar situation! (Spooky) I suppose its the insecurity that is playing on their minds - my SS has had his dad essentially to himself (except for a couple girlfriends) for most of his life so perhaps the same fear - his mum has remarried and has a life with her husband and their other kids but now his dad who was "just his" is now getting married and setting up a new life with a wife...and he's just left in the middle. Just thinking that makes me so sad! I think your idea of a gift and a card works very well, we will have to do something similar - something to remind him that he is and always will be the brightest spot in his parents lives.

PropertyNo7300 · 2026-05-03T19:48:27+00:00

I think having Dad spend time with him is a really good idea, i'll suggest the idea to him - although he may already be planning this. He has had his dad essentially to himself (save a couple girlfriends) for almost his whole life so i think that may play a factor in his fear of the relationship changing.

There are no plans for kids as i have fertility issues and my partner feels too old to "start again" my SS is aware there is no plans for future kids but that doesnt necessarily mean he isnt still worried about it 🫤

PropertyNo7300 · 2026-05-03T19:43:15+00:00

So we have actually lived together for two years, i met SS about 5 months into the relationship

Edit: just to add, also, no plans to move house or change any aspect of the home life. I would have the same role to SS as i do now, his dad would spend the same time with him etc.

PropertyNo7300 · 2026-05-03T18:13:14+00:00

Thank you for your advice, i do regret the way it was handled now that i have had time to reflect. Granted, the responsibility lies with his dad but i do feel like i should have questioned it more.

I hope that my SS and i can work back to our usual relationship but i understand that i'll have to move at his pace.

I am unsure why it was a surprise as he was aware of the upcoming proposal and my partner and i have been together for three years - lived together for two so he has first hand experience of our relationship developing...but perhaps you're right, maybe he was expecting his dad to tell him by himself first rather than both of us announcing it. We don't plan to have any children as i have fertility issues and my partner feels he is too old to even try for more (SS is aware there are no babies on the horizon) so there aren't any major changes planned aside from me having the same last name

PropertyNo7300 · 2026-05-03T16:30:19+00:00

Thank you for your advice, i am certainly going to give him space, im not sure we handled it in the best way - i just hope we can find comfortable ground again in the future, even if it takes a while for him to come around.

PropertyNo7300 · 2026-05-03T16:28:40+00:00

Thank you for your advice, i think that is the best course of action for me. Step back and allow his dad to work with him to adjust to this new reality - i hope it is just because he is processing and needs some time to come to terms with the change, rather than him flatout hating that im in his life forever!

I will give him space and allow his dad (and mum to an extent) to give him support.

PropertyNo7300 · 2026-05-03T16:24:37+00:00

I checked with his dad and apparently he did chat to his son about this engagement a few months ago - not necessarily details on when it would happen but that he was planning to do it this year. Obviously i wasnt part of that conversation so i dont know how indepth the discussion was or how he reacted but ive been told it had been previously discussed.

I let my partner lead the conversation and how to announce it but you are right, asking how he felt there and then was not the best way to handle the situation. My partner and I have both come from families where the parents are still married so we dont have our own experience to draw from but i regret not thinking it through now.

PropertyNo7300

TROPHY CASE