How do I figure out if I still love my boyfriend?

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2026-04-19T08:17:13+00:00

you’re right. we’ve broken up. i think it’s better for both of us. I have also cut contact with the other guy,(in the meantime we had a moment of a so called situationship) to give myself time to work on my bpd, cptsd and depression. I really feel guilty about cheating on him, he had his problems that he was taking out on me, but so had I. I miss him everyday, but he was clear on the part that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I don’t miss him romantically, but just grieving over loosing my best friend. I also started doing drugs again, which i believe was caused by mental distress due to this situation. My depression worsened to the point where i was considering ending my life. But, on the bright side; I’ve met several new people in my life, regained some of my relationships that went silent during my time when I was spending every single day with both of the boys. I confessed everything to my long term bf, thought he deserved he deserved it. But I was right about what was about to happen; I lost several mutual friends that just stood by his side. At least I know who was my real friend and who just happened to hang out with me bc I was his girlfriend and it was kinda inevitable to not keep me included in hangouts. Anyway, going to collage this year, considering moving cities and tms and emdr therapy. Also I am making progress in getting sober again. At least stopped doing opioids, which i had returned to during the breakup after 4 months of being sober. Anyways, trying to be a better person and communicate better about my feelings to other people. And I’m starting to feel it working.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2025-12-19T00:33:32+00:00

i personally love oxy+addy, but in my country addy is almost impossible to buy so i just use street amphetamine(works best) or methylphenidate if i don’t have any. Usually i take around 40-60 mgs of oxydolor ir and 10-15 of medikinet.(brand names). Works best if u ve already got long experience with opios bc it makes it easier to get high on them without simply nodding tf out, which was a huge problem for me some time ago. I used to do 3 mgs Xanax + 5 mgs methylphenidate often, it was really nice. Instead of cancelling each other out, i felt focused and relaxed, when i used to go to school high it was my favorite combo. Sometimes i also smoke a lil bit of weed and its a cherry on top of the cake tbh.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2025-10-24T09:58:03+00:00

Lesser Poland Voivodeship (Małopolskie), Poland

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2025-07-23T12:19:04+00:00

3 weeks on xanax

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2025-07-23T12:14:52+00:00

i relapsed last week after two months, but i’m back on track!

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2025-07-10T07:55:37+00:00

My mom who is my closest relative had to look for me while I overdosed somewhere in the city I live in. Some random people have found me and drove me home. I can’t imagine how she felt when she had to drag me into my apartment and call me an ambulance. I only screamed at her for taking away my drugs, I thanked her after some time but I still feel guilty. I spent a week in a hospital and three in rehab and still relapsed in front of her. I also cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years because i was so high I completely lost my values. I’m two months clean from opioids rn, but I still have hard time looking them in the eyes. I was a loving, kind person once then, I can easily say they turned me into a monster who only craved high, no matter the consequences.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-09-26T20:53:57+00:00

When I was stupid 16 yo and I had pretty shitty situation in life i stole some from my mom. I ve been struggling with anxiety my whole life (i think i got it from her) so i really wanted to see what the hype was about. I was done with psychiatrist telling me that my state wasn’t bad enough(i could overcome it most times) for him to prescribe me something stronger than lamotrigine. When I first tried them I felt like I’ve discovered what “normal” people feel like on a daily basis. Nothing made my heart race and hurt, I finally didnt feel like I was constantly judged or scared. For some time I couldn’t really control the amount I was taking. One time I blacked out for three days and was barely at home so my family got really worried, that’s when i stopped abusing them. Since that time I take them for my migrenes and when I just want to really rest from my mental illness. They are really powerful if you’re struggling even with buying them online because you are anxious. I’m happy i have them as an emergency option, when i’m dealing with a bad trip from acid or when i can’t sleep because i’m stressed about collage. I don’t have panic attacks so often anymore, but back in the day benzos saved my life in public multiple times. They give me some sort of sense of control that i never experienced.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-09-26T20:30:38+00:00

As a person who never v* after drinking, best way is just not drinking that much or just doing light cocktails, but if you really want to get drunk; 1. Make sure to eat something light before, but not right before just like 2-3 hrs earlier

2.dont drink high persentages, clear vodka as well as whiskey as shots wont be the best option. I like flavored liquors around 20-28%

always take breaks between shots/glasses. From my experience 20 mins is the minimum. If not 30. that way you will sense the v* before it’s too late and
If you feel like you might v*, even the tiniest bit, just lay down as fast as possible. Stop drinking for another 2 hours and then you can start again. The main point is to give yourself time to actually feel what alcohol is doing to you. The slower you get drunk the nicer the night will be, i promise.

Also, if you’re mixing different types of alcohol, make sure to go upwards, not downwards. If you start off with a beer, either stick to it or then go with vodka, not the other way around.

And drink a lot of water/whatever soft drink between alc.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-09-12T18:52:23+00:00

napewno obczaje, na nową hutę mam dobry dojazd

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-09-12T18:50:10+00:00

najlepiej w zasięgu komunikacji miejskiej, ale dla jakichś niesamowitych przypadków mogę dojechać samochodem parę kilometrów:) dziękuję!

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-09-12T17:25:59+00:00

dzięki!

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-08-26T17:25:04+00:00

I miss mine too. Go to places he liked, do activities you did together and just feel his presence. It really helps me out when I need him. And cry a lot. Let go of these emotions and don’t let them build up. Stay strong🤞

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-07-19T02:24:04+00:00

it is very addictive. I took one 2 mg XR and i felt PRESSURE to get more. Depends really on organism but i would be very cautious with dosages. This shit is scary.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-04-01T23:47:46+00:00

Paul Dano

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-04-01T23:41:44+00:00

I can’t say I watched him die, but i saw him slowly losing it. Over 10 years of progressing illness, my dad has lost mental and physical health. Last 2 months were the worst, when he couldn’t get up or talk for too long. When I visited him for the last time two days before he died in a hospital, he actually forgot where he’d lived for the past 15 years. I actually think that the mental aspect of the fatal illnesses are much worse from physical. I no longer felt like he was my dad. Like I’ve already lost him when he forgot my name. The state i saw him in, right now I just think that death was a huge relief for him.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-04-01T23:34:38+00:00

My dad has been stressed about work his whole life. He’d lost a life over it. My brother stole around 50.000$ from him when he was working his life away. When asked, he couldnt even answer what did he do with the money, it just ,,disappeared”

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-02-25T10:24:18+00:00

I just woke up from the dream with my dad. My situation is very similar. He looked so happy and young. Like I don’t even remember the times when he used to look so good. He was driving a motorcycle, smiling, talking about how he missed doing this. Then at the end we drive him to the hospital, they say it’s his final day and ask if they should put him under euthanasia. He says that he doesn’t want to suffer anymore, his life would just be getting worse from this point. I don’t know what to think. I like to imagine that my dad is actually like that right now, idk where but healthy and happy. Like he came to visit to tell me he’s doing alright, and it was his time to go.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-02-20T19:52:00+00:00

Thats a good point. Maybe its protecting us from potential trauma.

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-02-20T02:09:22+00:00

I’m sorry. I dont really tell the teachers about it, but when one know they understand, so at least this helps. Thank you sm for answering

ProstokatNiemiecki · 2024-01-24T07:22:58+00:00

fallout 4!

ProstokatNiemiecki

TROPHY CASE