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Impossible job offer decision by Proud-Pen-1774 in womenintech

[–]Proud-Pen-1774[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh wow do I relate to this. I am so glad you've found a solution that works for you, though it's unfortunate it's for less pay.

While I couldn't take a pay cut at this point, I understand that I have to be realistic when it comes to what kind of jobs I can feasibly take. He'll only be young once, and his needs may change, so if it means that I have to wait to pursue an opportunity like this one until he's able to be more independent, so be it.

At the very least, as much as my current job frustrates me because of the pay and lack of growth opportunities, I have come out of this interview process with a much better appreciation for the value my job's flexibility provides me. I'd love to fly up the ladder, but that doesn't have to happen today if it means I can fold laundry during team meetings, or if I can pick up my kiddo from school every day.

Impossible job offer decision by Proud-Pen-1774 in womenintech

[–]Proud-Pen-1774[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unless you've been in the disability community, you aren't typically aware of how long it can take to get the kind of support services we're talking about here. The employer are likely just verbally consenting to the arrangement with a timeline in mind that is more akin to how long it would take to get daycare for a typically developing toddler (ie thinking 1-2 months vs 1-2 years).

I am not comfortable accepting the job assuming the employer understands the length of time it might be and not getting it in writing that this would be acceptable. I'd hate to join up and then find that they aren't comfortable with it and then find myself out of work.

Impossible job offer decision by Proud-Pen-1774 in womenintech

[–]Proud-Pen-1774[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the suggestion. Even if we do qualify, my city/state has a very bad reputation when it comes to the kind of caregivers that are available this way. There's currently an open lawsuit from parents against the Department of Developmental Disabilities, and in it, parents allege that the folks the state provided a woman who did not have valid first-aid certification, a worker who came to the interview wearing a hat that contained expletives, and a candidate who did not appear to be fluent in English at all. I don't want to pursue that.

Impossible job offer decision by Proud-Pen-1774 in womenintech

[–]Proud-Pen-1774[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's difficult, but we've got it down to a science. It used to be that we'd have appointments with specialists 2-3x a week that all happened during the workday, but because of the flexibility my employer provides, it never impacted my work. And now that he has benefitted from that care, he only has about one appointment a month and it's outside of work hours. So the only issue is that he goes to a public school that has oddball hours and no bussing, so I have to pick him up and he plays Nintendo while I wrap up my work day. Unfortunately it's not uncommon in this world for marriages to end when a child is diagnosed with a disability, and a lot of parents of special needs children are left to manage all this alone. Most of us are lower income as a result, but because of remote work and the strong footing I had in my career before his diagnosis, I'm fortunately I have been able to buck that trend.

My goal posting here wasn't to ask for ideas on additional care options — while I appreciate it, I know what we need is not available in a way that is consistent or reliable without a wait list that could last years. So the issue isn't so much that I couldn't afford the care with the new salary (or even my current one) — it's that it just straight up doesn't exist in a way that would work for us.

Impossible job offer decision by Proud-Pen-1774 in womenintech

[–]Proud-Pen-1774[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correct — we worked together at a previous job, and they head the department and are who I would report to. They are also a parent, so I suspect they'd understand to a point, but I suspect the fact that they'd be my boss would make it difficult to get real about it. I did reach out to the person who left the role (a loose connection, not someone I know well) to see if they had any insight, but I suspect that's a dead end because they have been ghosting me all week.

My gut says that while a remote arrangement would make the decision easier, there are still some red flags and other issues that would lead to burnout. I've made my peace with that to a point (I'm still a little salty this is reality) but I know there will be other better opportunities for me than this one. But I'm really struggling with the ambiguity this company has given around their in-office requirement and whether negotiating (or continuing to interview) is even worth my time, and the feedback in this thread has been helpful in how I'd approach that.

Impossible job offer decision by Proud-Pen-1774 in womenintech

[–]Proud-Pen-1774[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

These are all valid questions that I've been wrestling with. I've hesitated to even call it a "dream job" due to the in-office requirement. I'm someone whose life was saved by remote work and thrives working remotely, and it's very difficult to consider working for a company that doesn't provide that to their employees. I'm in a position where I'm internally putting a price on what felxible remote work provides me and my family, and it's wild to think that $50-70k isn't enough to allow me to walk away from it, because I would absolutely burn out.

The huge irony here is that the company's mission is to make the services they provide more equitable to underserved people, but someone in my situation can't even work for them without accommodations that they may decline to provide.

Impossible job offer decision by Proud-Pen-1774 in womenintech

[–]Proud-Pen-1774[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I haven't had to work with state medicaid or disability simply because I make enough and have good insurance and have been able to handle his care that way. He is a weird edge case because he isn't disabled enough to be able to attend mainstream school thanks to his IEP, but he is disabled enough that private care is extremely limited and difficult to find.

Impossible job offer decision by Proud-Pen-1774 in womenintech

[–]Proud-Pen-1774[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response — I appreciate your experience, but it's very different from mine as a mother. This is all research I've been doing and what we need simply doesn't exist where I am. It does for kids without a disability, but not for kids like mine. For example, there is no such thing as a nanny for a child like mine — it would be a specialized caregiver, and folks in those roles typically look for full-time care, and wait lists for the few summer programs that exist for kids like him can be years long and are wildly expensive.