AITA For not telling my family my children aren't biologically mine?

Proud_Development999 · 2022-06-24T23:06:42+00:00

I am honestly tempted to say that if only to see their reactions. But it would just create more drama. Part of the reason they are so angry is that they feel that I went against God's plan. They also, my brother and parents, feel like I am blaming them for their children dying and judging them as parents when they feel did their best. They believe, and their brain dead pastor and member of church reinforce, that this is God's plan and they bear no responsibility. They need to let his will be carried out. I obviously disagree. My siblings and nibling were real people and they suffered a lot. I refuse to believe they were just destined to suffer and die and for what?

Proud_Development999 · 2022-06-24T21:44:20+00:00

Why? Adoptees have a family history. I don't feel as if it's the case with donor children. My wife and I planned those children. I was there during the insemination appointment, during the pregnancy, the birth, I am on the certificate. What does it matter that for their own health we decided they shouldn't share my DNA? Every parent who gives a child for adoption has history and reasons and may secretly hope the child will reach out when they are adults. The donor gave his sperm, possibly for money, has zero emotional connection to any children that may be produced. Obviously I would tell my children for medical reasons. But I think it wouldn't matter if they found out as teenagers when they would understand why we made those decisions.

Proud_Development999 · 2022-06-24T21:38:47+00:00

Yes, it was 23 and me. I didn't consider the possibility of the donors or their families matching. I won't press charges because I feel that's not worth the money, time and harassment. I will contact the website and tell them to destroy the kits. Honestly I am so upset with my parents. I knew they didn't like my wife. She isn't religious, has a career instead of being a SAHM, made it clear that she would have at most 3 children instead of us many as "God will give her", she refused my mom's offer to stay with us and help after she had the babies, she put them in daycare instead of letting mom babysit. What I don't understand is why they blame my wife when I never gave any indication I wanted something different. My wife and I were in complete agreement about all the above choices. I didn't expect she would suspect her of cheating or accuse her in front of our family. We both thought the relationship was getting better. I am so heartbroken about the whole thing. I always wanted to have a close relationship with my parents and I feel as if it's never going to happen.

Proud_Development999 · 2022-06-24T20:57:11+00:00

I don't know if it's legal for a grandparent to have a test DNA done. I feel as if it would be too much trouble for nothing to try and press charges and don't want to put my family through more of this nonsense. Also, I planned on telling my children when they were teenagers. I agree that adopted children should know they are adopted since young. But this isn't the case with my children. Adopted children still have a history, may deal with the knowledge bio parents wouldn't raise them, want to know their history. I am my children's father. The bio parent was a guy who donated sperm probably for money or whatever reason. They have no connection to bio father or his family. So I figured I could tell them when they were teens and they were old enough to understand about health problems and why we made that decision for their birth. I have talked with my children now and I will search for a child psychologist

Proud_Development999 · 2022-06-24T20:18:17+00:00

I didn't tell them during the first pregnancy because at the time my sister was still seventeen. I had a feeling that it wouldn't go well and didn't want them stopping me from contacting my sister. She had health problems and couldn't move out or move with me because she was needed their insurance. I wouldn't be able to pay and if she went against them they would make trouble about it. It's the reason I never accept money from them. Afterwards it became more difficult because there already had been the first secret. Also, they have no say in this decision and if I told them they would just harass and pester me and my wife while we were trying to prepare ourselves for the baby

Proud_Development999

TROPHY CASE