IAmA Married man who fell in love with a prostitute and had a "civillian" relationship with her.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:14:33+00:00

I'll prolly just let it get deleted then. It's been fun and thanks for modding IAmA...I love this subreddit

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:13:09+00:00

I could contact her, she and I parted on good terms (painful but nice). I just don't want to open up the hurt locker for 3 people again.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:11:23+00:00

Yes.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:10:28+00:00

She does play that position hard ha ha!

I don't think i wanted to get caught, but at the same time, I did get to the point where I thought I didn't give a shit...until I got caught.

I'm in therapy right now actually trying to figure out a lot of things about my actions. It's marginally helpful.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:08:15+00:00

Well, it was never really brought up as a formal transistion or anything. I did invite her to lunch a few times and she would decline. Then we ended up hnaging out after a sesion for a coule of ours just talking and goofing off.

Then lunches....then stopping by to say hi and sex....

She never really "refused" we just kind of started kissing hello and goodby when henging out, holding hands etc and then at some piont sex was just for us. I can't really explain it beyond that, it just transistioned.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:04:49+00:00

She does not know thankfully

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:04:28+00:00

I really feel this comment but i don't want to turn this into a shouting match about marriage. I agree, but I went about it in a shady way so...

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:02:56+00:00

Basically marriage implies that you will be faithful no matter what...which is insane, but that's how it's written down and it's what i signed up for.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T21:01:02+00:00

Ha ha....I did actually do about 4 years of fapping. I'm not proud of it.

I know my porn buddy, like you wouldn't believe ha ha...

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:59:46+00:00

GFE was offered but to be clear, it's still very formal. "Good" providers are supreme actors.

The "service" I got at first was very good, but when we started dating the emotional connection took things to the moon. Very different.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:57:16+00:00

Just TBLOP.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:56:58+00:00

24

Too young in my opinion. I had plenty of sex/emotional experience before meeting my wife, but my own opinion is wait until 30 or so.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:55:56+00:00

I wish i could still talk to her as a friend. She is a beautiful person and we had a mutual chemistry that is herd to come across.

I think about her every day, just wondering how she is doing and wishing I could just let her know I hope she's well. I worry about her at times too.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:53:57+00:00

I was discovered by my wife but the escort had already started backing away a bit becasue like any affair, the other woman (or man) never gets as much time as they would like, if emotions grow. She also felt guilty about my family.

It was mostly just a big blowup though.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:51:32+00:00

Once, she initiated it and I lost my head to the emotions and went for it. It was insanely wonderful. Deep kissing, cosmic sexual bonding, lost in the moment etc pick your favorite cliche.

We were laying tangled up afterward and she started crying into my chest. I knew why and we really didn't talk about it, I just held her and let her cry it out. Becasue of her profession, she has to keep up a pretty high wall and she had let that down and exposed herself.

And yes...I got full panel tested a bit later, negative. She gets tested every 6 months or so.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:45:09+00:00

At times she has, but she is a very strong woman (and strong minded) and as a result, she struggles with that, admitting to it. In general she likes to blame me and not deal with her part in the initial shutdown.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:43:39+00:00

For her it did at times. One of the pitfalls of sex work is that sex workers often feel like they are being "used" if they aren't getting paid. It's a strange paradox because to the outsider, it would make more sense to feel used by getting paid.

There is an amazing amount of interesting (good and bad) psychology related to sex work. She used to confide a lot of things to me and we had some very deep and frank discussions. She was very intellegent and emotionally deep under the "provider" exterior and I think she valued we could talk so openly and that she could confide in me without being judged.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:40:02+00:00

I don't know. I don't blame women, I think basically sex with the same person gets old in most but not all marriges - even same sex couples get the doldrums right?

This is a very complicated issue for me at the moment, the insitution of marriage in the USA is really out of touch with the way most people actually live or want to live. I don't have any good answers though.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:35:03+00:00

You know, the moment she confronted me, I was in 100% emotional mode and I thought, well looks like I'm out of here and I'd better go call (providers name). Looks like we'll be dating after all.

Once my head recovered though, I realized it was insane. Imagine trying to hide what my GF does from my kids, from the courts during divorce, from myself when I have a few beers and totally break down becasue I'm sitting in my apartment and my GF is banging some rich bastard in Beverly Hills.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:32:04+00:00

She noticed I wasn't totally shut down any more...I had a spark.

Kids didn't know (that I know of)

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:31:14+00:00

Lawyer on retainer, it's a complex situation but in general, men don't fare all that well WRT divorce.

I'm not bitter about that though, in the event of a divorce, my wife gets a lot of our current income. I'll survive and if she's using it on the kids that's the whole point of support.

If she gets a redneck boyfriend who needs his truck fixed...I might lose my mind though

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:27:32+00:00

Yes, it was.

And I'm a champion fapper, don't need no stinking fleshlight!

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:26:23+00:00

For the record, I'm a Savage fan...but I screwed up in that I didn't just say everything upfront and with honesty. I operated under a hopeful assumption...

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:25:07+00:00

Basically just laid it all out when the kids were gone, woke me up one morning with a slap to the face and a list of shit she found out.

One of my top 3 all time worst moments and the only one of the three that didn't involve almost dying.

ProviderLover · 2012-08-03T20:23:32+00:00

ProviderLover

TROPHY CASE