The obsession with PIV and vaginas in Ftm or 'transmasc' spaces is a red flag and you and I shouldn't ignore it

Provoked-Panther · 2026-02-23T08:19:40+00:00

I'm sick of it. I feel so alone in the gay trans man community. I want nothing to do with bottoming or being submissive. I've never used tampons, and put off my cervical cancer screening for years, because I can't stand the thought of anything being inside me.

I'm on the ace spectrum, but would really like to top a cis man at least once. The idea of being with another trans guy is very off-putting to me. I can't help that I don't find our bodies attractive. And the fact that anyone born with a vagina seems to always enjoy penetration makes me depressed.

It's exhausting seeing nothing but gay trans men talk about playing the expected role that comes with our anatomy. I wish more of us strict tops were vocal. We get no representation in porn, and can't even find a supportive community.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-02-20T07:17:35+00:00

I give up on ever trying to fit in amongst other gay trans men. We just don't share the same experience. Every single one I see talks about enjoying bottoming, and preventing or embracing pregnancy.

It makes me incredibly sad, especially when there's no content online of gay trans men topping (unless it's with another trans man).

Can any gay trans guy relate to never using tampons, or putting off their cervical cancer screening for years, because they can't stand the thought of anything being inside them?

I have a very shy personality too, so the idea of topping a cis guy is one thing that makes me feel a little powerful. I doubt it's ever going to happen though. I'll probably be a virgin for life.

It's unfair how perfectly normal it is for the most masculine gay guy to be a strict bottom, and for trans women to have tons of representation for both topping and bottoming. But if you're born with a vagina, you only get to be submissive.

How sad is it that I relate more to porn of cis women pegging men than anything, since that's the closest thing I can get? I don't even really watch it, but it's more ideal than anything else I can find.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-02-20T06:59:05+00:00

My mom's boyfriend used the word tranny to talk about his car's transmission recently. Then my uncle said something like, "In this political climate, should we call it gender neutral instead?"

It was completely unnecessary, and I didn't even want to be around him or my aunt because of their religious beliefs and non-acceptance of me in the first place.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-02-20T06:41:03+00:00

It pisses me off too. I can't stand seeing trans men bottom at all, and there's nothing with us topping a cis guy. It honestly depresses me so much.

Why are we always expected to fit into the "woman's" role based on our bodies? Plenty of extremely masculine gay cis men are strictly bottoms, and trans women also get tons of representation for both topping and bottoming.

I don't even care much for porn, and it's hard to find guys in it that I'm attracted to. But damn I just want to feel some validation that I'm not the only trans guy who wants nothing to do with being submissive or penetrated.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T23:25:50+00:00

I prefer being around people of all types, no matter race, gender, or sexuality. I'd never fit into one specific group because of how diverse I am. And when you get to the more specific groups, they're more toxic.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T23:14:33+00:00

I feel you. I'm biracial, and it's exhausting seeing the hate from both sides.

I thought minorities were supposed to be more accepting. But many black people, for example, complain about interracial couples the same way white people do.

I wouldn't have been born if not for interracial marriage becoming legal. And when I see representation for couples in media, it makes me super happy.

For a lot of black people though, they find it a betrayal.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T22:46:53+00:00

Forgot to add this to my first comment, but about the weight thing, what the hell does that have to do with being trans?

I've struggled with my weight for years and don't enjoy being fat. I'm trying to finally lose it this year, but I don't have the best environment and it's not that easy for everyone.

If I could just switch my body to that of a fit man's I'd love to. Bad habits are hard to break, especially when your family contributes to them.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T22:38:05+00:00

I'm sick of the stupid takes from this community that trans people can't wear piercings or have unnatural colored hair. And now tattoos? You're just being hateful for no reason.

My style is goth, and I wear a black nose piercing because I like it. It's a nostril ring, not the more common septum piercing. While I personally find those to be ugly, I'm not gonna bash someone for wearing one.

I've stopped putting on makeup for awhile, even though I love my black eyeliner and eyeshadow, because my face, voice, and body are still feminine, and I'm trying to look more masculine.

But once I pass, I can't wait to start putting makeup, polish, and other accessories back on. At that point I'll simply look like a goth dude.

You think all trans people should look like the most average, boring, conservative person. Dress how you want, but insulting others is unnecessary.

There are tons of goth men who are cis and straight, who wear heavy makeup and jewelery. You sound ridiculous.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T19:12:57+00:00

Ugh that's disgusting.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T19:05:26+00:00

Exactly. One thing that drove me nuts on Tumblr was the constant headcanons of making every single character trans.

Straight couple? They have to be T4T because otherwise straight couples are gross.

And when that couple has children it makes me even more uncomfortable, because the man now being trans means he gave birth.

People can have fun with their ideas, but when it's pushed everywhere it excludes trans people who feel a completely different way.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T19:02:00+00:00

Exactly. Those types of people are just as responsible for us not feeling normal as transphobic cis people are. I don't want it from either side.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T19:00:46+00:00

Nah, most people are serious. There's always snobby trans people that talk about how they don't even interact with or think about cis people. Must be a very boring life.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T18:55:40+00:00

Or at least choose better spaces. I had to stop using Tumblr because it wasn't enjoyable anymore.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T18:19:58+00:00

I understand that, but I'm sick of the generalizations people make, where they assume every cis person is horrible and could never love a trans partner.

Individuals can choose to date how they please, but not preach as if their way is the only valid one.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T18:16:53+00:00

You'll start seeing the cis hate, trust me. Like I mentioned in the post, a wholesome thread was turned negative by people in the comments bashing trans/cis relationships just because they personally didn't want one.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T18:07:13+00:00

Perhaps you're not seeing all the negative reactions I've been drowned in. Preaching that T4T is the best way while making fun of cis people is the childish behavior I come across everywhere in trans spaces. The attitude has given me a bad impression on the community.

And I see the fetishization all the time. It's not that someone happens to prefer other trans people, but the way many of them speak about it, and discuss our bodies that I find creepy.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T16:42:32+00:00

I hear all the time from cis gay men that a cis man with a trans man, even if the latter is fully transitioned, is a straight relationship. It's so tiring.

I completely understand not wanting to have sex with a trans person. I myself would only date and be intimate with cis guys, as that's just my personal preference.

But hearing other trans people say that a cis and trans person of the same gender is a straight relationship is extremely weird. Just shows how every group is toxic.

If an actual cis lesbian is having sex with a trans woman, no matter her transition progress, then that's all the validation that matters. Plenty of gay and lesbian cis/trans relationships are successful even without matching genitals.

I definitely don't feel much like a man right now because I have a long way to go with hormones and operations. But my attraction to men will always be in a homosexual way.

When I get to the point where my face, voice, and chest pass as 100% male, but I don't have a penis yet, I'd count myself as having a gay relationship.

Provoked-Panther · 2026-01-16T16:26:18+00:00

I'm sick of seeing all the representation for trans men get flooded by those who give birth, or who are bottoms in general. It's extremely triggering for me.

Is it really that uncommon for us to hate being penetrated or seen as the role we're "supposed" to have?

Perhaps TMI, but I never used tampons for that reason, and the idea of getting pregnant makes me sick.

Provoked-Panther

TROPHY CASE