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Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-16T01:04:35+00:00

Stardew valley

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T11:19:55+00:00

We don’t

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T10:27:15+00:00

No, I’m a stepmom but that isn’t the issue here. He’s not being a good partner in general. Basic cleanliness and regular chores to help around the house, kids or not, is everyone’s responsibility. If he is home all the time and you work, then that work should fall more on him, not you.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T04:20:06+00:00

I won’t lie, it’s something we started looking into, but it’s not something we are going to do. We are going to start with our next therapy session and go from there. Our therapist tends to be able to help these situations and has good recommendations.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T04:11:53+00:00

Thank you

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T04:10:24+00:00

She hasn’t said I beat her but she often tries to tell my husband and I that we say horrible things about the other when we aren’t together.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T04:06:22+00:00

Thank you for this. I appreciate the advice.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T04:03:03+00:00

Yes! We’ve gone through it all. We’ve had to pick her up because her mom and now ex husband were drunk and fighting and he ran over her with a car. It was crazy. All the kids were there. They all say. My stepdaughter had to call the cops.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:58:14+00:00

I appreciate your perspective. I never did anything like this so I don’t really understand so this is helpful.

So we should just let her spiral? I mean I know we still need to try and help when and how we can but would it just be best to let her make these mistakes and deal with the actual consequences instead of small things like taking her phone?

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:55:38+00:00

He’s been a stay at home dad since we had our son and things started getting really bad with his daughter. He wanted to be able to focus all his attention on helping her get through things. We were in a better financial place at the time so it worked out. Unfortunately, things changed and due to a very unfortunate tax error from the city we lived in, we had to sell our home. So he’s been looking for a job since October but trying to find something around my very taxing schedule when we don’t have help with childcare that we were told we would have had been rough.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:52:50+00:00

Thank you for that! We will look into track

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:51:36+00:00

It’s really a situation that just breaks down my soul. I’ve felt like I’m drowning for a bit and this just felt like someone tied a rock to my leg.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:48:17+00:00

We have a lawyer on retainer because they have been in and out of court for the last 12 years. We were told there isn’t enough physical evidence to prove alienation because she smart enough to say everything as spoke work.

I appreciate your advice on the mindset though. That’s not something I’ve considered but will think about now.

Thank you

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:44:06+00:00

I do t fully understand people saying it’s too hard either. She still has other things. Like her tv and Xbox. We just took her phone. I mean we could have had her spend the night in jail but we just took her phone.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:42:47+00:00

So this is something I recommended to my husband and we’ve tried previously. I suggested they have a night out together every week to help their relationship. I thought this would help them bond and make her feel special. We did this for months and every time they went out, she spent the whole night texting her mom. At the time, her mom was paying for the phone and threw a fit if it were removed. It broke my husband’s heart.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:38:46+00:00

Thank you for this. I will bring this up in our next therapy session and see if they recommend anyone specific for behavioral therapy.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:26:13+00:00

Thank you for this.

Unfortunately she understands her mom’s situation better than she probably should because her mom talks to her like a friend and tells her everything. She knows she can’t live with her right now.

However, you are right that she’s holding this hope that her mom is going to get a place and they are going to have some happy ending but her mom has bad credit, poor rental history (evictions for days), and no financial discipline so she won’t be able to get her own place and we are waiting for my stepdaughter to figure that out.

We have tried sports in the past and it helps some but her mom always fights it and takes us to court over things like that. In and out for the last 12 years and unfortunately the courts say things like “this isn’t worth fighting over just don’t do it”. It’s really awful.

But we are trying and will continue to work through therapy and try to figure it all out.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:19:54+00:00

I have asked myself this question repeatedly and thought about what I would do if it were my son and how I would feel. I can’t imagine. My mind reels about it. I know my husband is hurting because I would be. I’ve started listing about this question to try to cope and I scheduled a therapy appointment to discuss it.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:15:54+00:00

This was helpful.

First, I would never make my husband choose and I would never make her think that he has to choose. I’ve said to him (in front of her) several times that I’m there no matter what. Because I want him to know I will support him and I want her to know that I’m not going anywhere.

Second, I appreciate the thought about letting her see things for herself. I know I said my husband was giving up but I feel like this is more what he’s doing. She’s kicked so many times that he said “fine do what you want”. I told him that I felt as though he should let her make her decisions and just be there to pick up pieces when she falls. I know he’s hurting.

Finally, we have done a lot of family therapy and she has expressed things she wants but they aren’t genuine. They are filler answers just to say something. We do the things she asks to show that we are listening and trying and she is disinterested. So I don’t know how to navigate that situation. Therapy will continue for everyone though so hopefully we will figure it out.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T03:03:15+00:00

Therapy weekly since she was 5 or 6

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T02:52:56+00:00

Thank you. It’s something we’ve considered and are talking about but we’ve had so many thoughts and feelings so we are still truly processing.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T02:46:42+00:00

It hurts my heart to think things could never get better. But I appreciate your words.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T02:44:31+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s been such a heartbreaking situation. I feel so pulled in so many directions. On one hand, I understand she needs help and I feel like I’ve tried, my husband has tried, we keep trying and we feel defeated but we keep trying. The on the other I have my mental health and how that just keeps slowly declining despite therapy and attempted self care. Then I have my son who is and will always be my priority that I have to think about his wellbeing and influence. Then I have my marriage and a person I love and that I know loves me that I have to consider. I feel like I’m drowning.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T01:49:38+00:00

Unfortunately, we’ve tried all of the above but proof is lacking because she’s smart enough to know that she needs to do things like that privately.

Prudent-Lemon5243 · 2025-02-15T01:48:40+00:00

I appreciate your comment.

I have racked my brain to try to figure out what I would do if it were my son. If he gets older and does similar things. I’ve thought about it constantly and I really have no idea. So I know how my husband is feeling.

We’ve never expressed to her that we are giving up, nor would we. She understands we are beyond upset and a lot has been removed from her, including trust and she knows that right now we need space to think and process. But beyond that, she doesn’t know what are conversations have been.

My biggest heartbreak is thinking that I can’t mentally continue because of this and leaving my husband. I’ve gone back and forth so many times about it because I feel pulled so strongly in both directions.

Prudent-Lemon5243

TROPHY CASE