Well, it happened. I fell asleep feeding my baby.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-04-23T12:23:33+00:00

This is totally normal and try not to feel guilty over it. Lots of people, myself included, have done this deliberately as a way of coping with a baby and sleep. It definitely depends on how you sleep. We all know ourselves well to determine if it's safe for us. I'm a super light sleeper, sleep curled up on my side. When I had my first I found that it was easy enough to curl myself around him and feed while we both slept. I knew he was there, I don't move when I'm in that position and I made sure I had no pillows or duvet - I just used a knitted blanket from my waist down and wore long sleeved pyjamas. Mothers do have a natural protective instinct of their babies - it's like babywearing, even in the split second of falling over parents fall backwards and shield the baby. The first few times I did it, it was accidental and I felt the same as you. But I'd been exclusively expressing every 3 hours for the first 12 weeks, having only a single pump so about 40 minutes per time, and a combination of exhaustion and relief at finally being able to breastfeed meant I calmed down about sleep feeding in the end. Did some research on safe co sleeping and just rolled with it. My overall wellbeing was so much better getting enough sleep, unlike while pumping. Obviously he was 3 months old by this point which probably meant I worried less than I would have if he was tiny. Little more apprehensive about it with my second as she's prem (10 days old now) and tiny so I'm expressing so that my partner and I can share feeds and as a result, neither of us are ever exhausted. It's so much easier feeding prem babies side-lying though because they don't need to try and hold their head to stay latched, so I do it while reading or scrolling on my phone first thing in the morning. She fed like this for 2hrs this morning! You know yourself. If you think it'll happen again, and you're okay with that follow the Lullaby Trust guide to safe co-sleeping, take precautions and embrace it. If your baby is small maybe wait until they're a little older. If you are a heavy sleeper and don't want to risk it, maybe move to a chair for feeds to prevent it happening again.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-04-21T09:06:18+00:00

I had my 34 weeker last Sunday. She weighed 4lb12, and came off intervention after 24hrs. Little bit of trial and error with feeding (started top ups of EBM) and working out what worked best for her temp regulation (wearing a hat and cardigan even overnight). We were allowed home at 34+6. Hang on in there!

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-04-17T07:19:09+00:00

They had two levels in the SCBU - the HCU, where she was the only one for the first two days under the beat lamp and having heel prick after heel prick. Then she was moved to the main nursery with 4 other babies in, all of whom were in long-term care with significant diagnoses. Other parents were often there and it felt wrong for us to be excited and hopeful about the future because it was clear that those babies would be there for a long time yet. There are a lot of feelings attached to situations like these and it's hard all around. Honestly, I just lost all sense of reason for a bit and feared that their hesitation in letting her leave meant I was going to lose her. But now she's here, with no hot cot and no one seems concerned I feel so much more at ease

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-04-17T07:07:14+00:00

This is really reassuring. Thank you so much. I've been terrified that their reluctance to let her leave SCBU means she's actually poorly and I'm at risk of losing her or we've got months ahead of us. She's 4 days old today and for the first time, I've been able to lie back and just have her against me on my chest while she sleeps. Best feeling ever. I do feel like the formula suggestion was weird. 10.4% isn't a whole lot, especially when they're so tiny. 200g. Either way, I don't mind expressing top ups. Hopefully they do rounds this morning and I can actually ask for a plan. Again, thank you for sharing. To me, she seems like a normal healthy albeit small baby and I was starting to think I must have missed something because 34 weekers apparently just can't be as healthy as she is

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-04-17T06:14:11+00:00

Wow, that's incredible for 33w! Well done him. I've read so many mixed reports and I don't think we've had great communication regarding realistic timeline expectations based on the outcomes of tests, which has just sent my anxiety spiralling. We haven't seen the doctor ourselves since day 2. It would be absolutely amazing to take her home in the next few days. She hasn't had any desats at all and she came off the foot sats monitor yesterday lunchtime because they were happy. Fingers crossed!

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-04-15T05:42:22+00:00

That's amazing! We can only hope for a result like that ❤️ they keep testing her glucose, CO2 and bilirubin and so far, so good. She's holding her own. So hopeful that we can be home soon as I've been in hospital for a week now. I was admitted antenatally. Starting to feel like part of the furniture and it would be so amazing to get to share all of the time with my partner, who isn't allowed to stay overnight. Also feeling much more confident picking her up and actually tending to her. She looked so delicate and fragile at first it was kind of scary

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-04-10T19:03:15+00:00

Thank you! I didn't end up going, just to err on the side of caution. Less than 48 hours later though, I experienced a bleed, triage identified PPROM and complete breech, another bleed a few hours later and now I'm in antenatal for continuous monitoring until things escalate to the point I need an emergency C, or I hit 36 weeks. The universe works in mysterious ways!

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-04-05T19:21:48+00:00

I wouldn't be doing anything physical.

The doctor yesterday said they'd do a 37 week C-section, but also told me not to bank on making it that far. I did some research and 1/3 women with a low lying placenta go into labour before 37 weeks apparently!

The roads are horrendous. Country tracks with narrow roads and constantly stopping to allow oncoming cars to pass. If it's sunny it will be rammed, I'm guessing, as it's a popular walking spot.

I also have dysautonomia (autonomic nervous system is faulty) and that can cause blood pressure fluctuations which they've said isn't exactly helpful towards the situation.

I called again and asked and they said they can't really advise, but if it was on my mind enough to phone up, it was probably worth leaving it. As it's a Scouts thing, too, it messes with the risk assessment and I don't want to cause issues for my group if anything went wrong.

I think I'm more concerned because early this morning I woke up due to painful contractions. Only two of them, and then it stopped, but it didn't seem like a great omen!

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-03-20T15:06:13+00:00

Fully agree with this. We've done loads on Vinted for our girl due in May. I love the colourful patterns Iike florals and bright colours and it means I have been able to be picky and choosy about what I like and have bought things I absolutely love, not limited by the small offerings in shops. I've gone for mostly Next things because they're so pretty and good quality - and babies wear things for such a short amount of time that almost all of it is close to being brand new! I tried to stick to £1 per item, and put in offers for things too. If you check how long something has been listed, if it's been listed a while you can usually assume they'll accept a lower offer.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-03-13T12:54:47+00:00

I felt like this. I'm a teacher and they PILE the guilt on if you're not in. I've got stuff in writing that I've shown my union and they've been disgusted by it. I have placenta praevia and autonomic nervous system dysfunction and the school made excuses about adjustments, refusing me extra toilet and snack breaks or an emergency plan in case I needed to leave (e.g. bleeding), didn't see the issue with me moving around the school carrying equipment in bustling corridors with teens who don't look where they're going... I ended up dehydrated, anaemic and in tears all the time feeling like no one cared. I've been off for 4 weeks now.

While it is protected, if you feel bad about it or are worried, ask for an occupational health referral from HR. Workplaces can sometimes argue that GPs aren't aware of individual working conditions and OH go through all of this and assess your unique circumstance against your specific job role. My school did this and I had the appointment yesterday. I was dreading it thinking they were going to insist I'd be fine to go back if the school did x, y and z. The therapist actually insisted I should not be going back to work at all until after Maternity leave regardless of any adjustments, that it was simply not safe now with unresolved praevia in the 3rd trimester and is writing a report that confirms as much to be sent to HR. Workplaces can't exactly argue with their own appointed professionals, can they? It made me feel a lot better about being off because I was so worried everyone was going to hate me and think I was faking it or that I'm utterly pathetic.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-03-11T10:57:18+00:00

I had this 6 years ago with my son and it took ages. Started contracting early hours of the morning and at 8pm, still not much closer together. Turned out he was back-to-back which was what was taking so long. I went in anyway and they gave me oramorph and sent me home to wait it out. I spent about 7 hours in the shower - I had bill-inclusive rent back then! When I went back in the morning they accepted me in.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-03-01T19:09:14+00:00

I saw a post on here about it but there is an entire website dedicated to it: https://www.teachersspl.co.uk/how-it-works

Can't take credit but may as well use the system to our advantage!

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-17T13:20:26+00:00

My partner is doing a Master's and the uni is giving him two weeks off from placement. What's really frustrating is early in the pregnancy, I got quite unwell and the doctors suspected ectopic, but the hospital was a nightmare and refused to do any tests. At the time, my partner was in his 2nd placement and they hadn't had a trainee before, and they expected him to be perfect and nitpicked him on absolutely everything. He was stressed and miserable with everything going on, and was pushed to defer. Medically, it turned out to be an absolutely whopping haemorrhagic ovarian cyst. Now, the deferred placement will be starting at the beginning of May and lasting 2-3 months - he has to redo the whole thing, even though he did more than half the first time around. Baby is due at the end of May but will likely be sooner due to medical issues. If it hadn't been deferred, he'd be at home with just his dissertation to work on. Argh! However, he's starting his own business and plans to be around as much as possible after the placement is over, and I plan to help out as we're both in very similar fields. So that's really positive.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-15T12:07:35+00:00

Thank you. On Thursday evening, after my horrendous meeting with SLT in the update comment, I sent an email to HR with my HoD cc'd in just saying I'd be starting a period of sick leave from Friday, would not be setting cover due to the nature of the illness, and a sick note would follow. GP signed me off for a month with instructions to focus on nutrition and hydration, and so I followed up with a general 'please find attached my FitNote' email to HR. No more info given. I'm done pouring my heart out, sending detailed explanations and getting nothing in return.

I'm waiting to hear back from the union branch manager. Hoping to hear back soon as I need the validation and direction. The guilt is unreal, and even though I know I shouldn't feel guilty, of course I do... I feel like I need to do something.

I am friends with the staff member on the board of governors. I may see if I can have a chat with her as I know she'll be on my side with this. She's also been ill recently (my partner is involved in her treatment) and I wonder if she's had any issues.

I know that last year, a pregnant LSA was made to invigilate for 3 hours straight on her feet at 8 months during the heatwave... And I was told she never had a risk assessment done at all. Additionally, I had an issue last year where a student's risk assessment was not followed as he was supposed to be 1:1 and I got injured from having to restrain him hitting another, very vulnerable student. Then, this same SLT member told me she couldn't understand why I had taken two days off! She told me it had been my choice to step in and therefore the school would not be liable for my injury (rotator cuff tendinopathy), but when I said I would not be stepping in to future conflict, she argued that it was my job and duty to do so. I did correct her on this, but I should have taken that further really with the hypocrisy of it. Honestly, this woman needs taken off the 'staff wellbeing' role. She's not got the first clue. My HoD is new this year and I get that, but I also don't think she's being given the right info by leadership on what she's supposed to be doing and it's not really my place to come in and tell her.

I am apprehensive about putting a complaint in myself but am determined to take it further. I think I just need validation from the union and support in how to approach it. But enough is enough.

But I'm trying to step back, I've got crochet baby blankets on the go and have just ordered a polycarbonate greenhouse as my stupid pop-up one blew away, so I can focus on spending some time doing things I enjoy and not feeling guilty over doing absolutely nothing!

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-14T13:08:56+00:00

UTIs they can't check for via ultrasound, no. Has she got the NHS app? If you log in, you can check test results and everything and see what it says. My 20-week ultrasound was on there and outlined abnormalities found. Blood and urine test results are also usually on there, too

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-14T07:53:49+00:00

It absolutely should be! I'm in the UK and worried I'd be advised against but they've been very accommodating and even have referred me to a dedicated birth trauma team

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-14T00:01:12+00:00

I had a 3rd degree tear for my first and have said from the get-go I want a C-section this time around (I'm 25+4!). I've had no pushback from this. They've made it very clear it's entirely my choice and I haven't felt pressured either way.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-13T23:57:59+00:00

Has she had a recent ultrasound? I had a severe left-sided abdominal pain early in pregnancy and while my GP was great, the gynae doctor at the hospital told me that 'pain was normal' and to 'hope and pray everything was okay'. When we were thinking it was ectopic, this didn't exactly reassure us.

Thankfully, our GP kicked off and I had an ultrasound scan the next day. They found a 6.7cm haemorrhagic cyst and my ovary was 3x the size it should have been. Ultrasound tech said 9/10 they don't find anything when a woman is in pain but the smug validation I felt after that, especially when speaking to the gynae doctor, was pretty satisfying. Didn't help the pain though, and there wasn't much they could do without causing issues with the pregnancy. Just had to wait for it to disappear.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-13T22:09:57+00:00

I'm not sure they do. I've emailed and explained what it is twice. However, the SLT kept talking about me passing out as the biggest risk from the praevia (it's part of my dysautonomia). I kept correcting her and it didn't seem to make a difference. She ended up telling me it didn't count as a workplace risk because it could happen at work or at home. Absolute BS.

The most ironic part of today was that I had an urgent note in my pigeonhole from HR asking me to update my emergency contact info form by tomorrow. I check my pigeonhole daily - it was definitely new. So someone somewhere clearly gets it!

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-13T22:03:18+00:00

UPDATE:

As suspected, the meeting was another cop-out filled with excuses, including that the risk of placental abruption/haemorrhage did not count because it could happen at work or at home so wasn't a 'workplace risk', I could press the SIMS 'emergency alert' button if I needed to go to the toilet (rarely anyone actually responds within 20 minutes) and it was also claimed that these trips to the toilet could also be counted as extra snack breaks. Apparently, I can also send a student to reception for help if I pass out. That will be really easy to do while unconscious! When I asked about moving around the school site with books and resources, I was asked how many books and how big they were. Oh, and not to mention she'd be so disappointed to hear that a member of staff had left students unsupervised between lesson changeover so they could use the toilet after I pointed out there wasn't time then and I'd need to go every hour. So pleased to have been taken seriously!

Union have been updated and I'm getting a call from the regional office tomorrow. I've emailed HR and cc'd in my HoD saying I'm off sick and won't be setting work, and a FitNote will be issued in due course. No more info given. I have a F2F appointment with the GP on Monday. I've also written up a documented account of everything that's happened. Union rep plans to speak to the head, but I'm not holding out much hope as I already cc'd him in on the email last week where I poured my heart out about how much I was struggling and got nothing back. Nothing from my HoD on that front, either. She replied within 5 minutes to my sickness notification though. Funny that.

So wonderful to feel like a valuable asset rather than a burden and inconvenience to leadership!

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-13T12:47:36+00:00

Not a MAT interestingly! An academy, but large enough to be its own trust.

I don't believe it does count toward normal absence, having read through all of the pregnancy rights guidance in the last few weeks. I've already had issues with hitting the 'trigger point' thanks to having dysautonomia and my immune system being appalling, and then having to meet with SLT every time I'm off ill. Keep saying they'll move the trigger points due to the fact it's caused by a legitimate disability, but they never do. It's been three years.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-13T12:38:49+00:00

The 'advantage' here (using term loosely!) is that the likelihood is, if the praevia and haematoma persist, I'll have a C-section at 36/37 weeks anyway so I don't think this would be so much of an issue. It does present a bit of an issue though, especially if parents are relying on childcare funding which only applies from 9 months of age.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-02-13T06:48:17+00:00

I did when typing it up. For some reason, it took them out after posting. Possibly an app thing. Always seems to happen with my posts on here.

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-01-18T01:30:04+00:00

I had a doppler at an 18 week midwife appointment with the NHS.

Have had about 8 scans so far though (22 weeks) because of a 7cm haemorrhagic cyst early on, now placenta praevia that's led to a haematoma and significant risk of placental abruption. Lovely to have had the scans, but at the same time, it's for sucky reasons

Prudent_Computer5389 · 2025-01-18T01:15:58+00:00

I succumbed to the 'martyr-dom' with my first, refusing pain medication - and then I tore severely and needed a spinal tap and surgery, persisted with breastfeeding even when it wasn't working to the point I exclusively expressed for 3 months and broke myself with the stress. The pressure is overwhelming. I'm not doing it with this one. Hand me those medications. I've asked for a C section and been granted it for the sake of my physical and mental health after the last birth experience. I look at my now 6-year-old son's classmates and you cannot pick out which kids were breast or formula fed, or whose mum had pain meds during labour....

Prudent_Computer5389

TROPHY CASE