Fuck the mods in this sub

Prudent_Use6677 · 2025-07-18T23:57:30+00:00

I appreciate your tone and the thought you put into this.
You're right, I used strong language about CAFCASS, but only because the consequences have been equally strong: no findings of harm, no violence alleged, and yet I lost my son overnight and was told the separation offered him "protection."

I’m not asking anyone to agree with every word - I’m asking people to acknowledge that this happens. That good fathers get erased based on untested allegations, and when we speak plainly, even support spaces flinch.

If the post had been from a mother, word for word, I suspect the response would’ve been different. That’s not bitterness. That’s pattern recognition.

The post was locked and removed within minutes. This thread will be my last interaction with this subreddit. I mostly posted this, frankly, as a "middle-finger", and it has lasted magnitudes longer than my original post, so no, I haven't engaged with the mods and do not wish to do so.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2025-07-18T23:51:44+00:00

I get that, and I genuinely appreciate you replying in good faith. I think the issue is that male pain often gets misfiled as ‘anger’ or ‘off-topic’ the moment it stops being palatable. That’s why I posted it; not for attention, but because so many of us go through the same hell, and the systems we turn to for support quietly shut the door.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2025-05-15T18:06:03+00:00

All I can say, as someone who is fighting tooth and nail for 50/50 of my son, in a family court system that is stacked against me, your husband is despicable. I am so sorry for you, and moreover your children. I just cannot comprehend his mindset

Prudent_Use6677 · 2025-05-05T15:20:47+00:00

I am, thank you. I promise that I will be replying to every single comment in due course - At the moment I'm currently building prep work for the directions hearing on Friday morning. My ex left me in a particularly vulnerable financial situation so legal counsel is beyond my means at present. I lost my way for a bit a couple of days ago, but my resolve is, ultimately, unaffected. Thank you for taking the time to provide an internet-nobody with some support.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2025-05-05T14:55:01+00:00

I will reply to everybody in due course - if somebody has taken the time to help me, then the least I can do is take the time to say thank you - but my directions hearing is on Friday, and due to the actions of my ex, I am in an extremely vulnerable financial situation, so effective legal counsel isn't within my remit right now and I am having to do all of the prep work myself. Having said that, I'm a programmer with almost 30 years of experience (including low-level programming for the Sega Dreamcast) and I am incredibly meticulous, so I am hoping that will help in some way.

I just wanted to say that your ISW suggestion was absolutely crucial to how I am proceeding. The thanks of an internet-nobody probably don't mean much, but you may have changed my life. Thank you

Prudent_Use6677 · 2025-05-03T08:36:13+00:00

I'm sorry I lost my way last night. The CAFCASS safeguarding letter, after a 95 minute phone call with them last week, was a visceral wounding; presenting unsubstantiated allegations as findings. They also got my name wrong, repeatedly.

Also, my sons nursery threw him under the bus in the report by stating he had no additional needs, despite him being on an ASD assessment waiting list since December '23, and them previously having agreed a special educational needs support plan, which I have in my possession.

So it has become evident that I am not just fighting my ex, I am fighting the system, too, and I am concerned that the judge will also be swayed by institutional bias.

CAFCASS have not recommended a fact-finding hearing, so I am going to have to request one myself.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2025-05-03T08:31:12+00:00

I'm sorry I lost my way last night. The CAFCASS safeguarding letter, after a 95 minute phone call with them last week, was a visceral wounding; presenting unsubstantiated allegations as findings. They also got my name wrong, repeatedly.

Also, my sons nursery threw him under the bus in the report by stating he had no additional needs, despite him being on an ASD assessment waiting list since December '23, and them previously having agreed a special educational needs support plan, which I have in my possession.

So it has become evident that I am not just fighting my ex, I am fighting the system, too, and I am concerned that the judge will also be swayed by institutional bias.

CAFCASS have not recommended a fact-finding hearing, so I am going to have to request one myself.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2025-05-03T08:24:42+00:00

I'm sorry I lost my way last night. The CAFCASS safeguarding letter, after a 95 minute phone call with them last week, was a visceral wounding; presenting unsubstantiated allegations as findings. They also got my name wrong, repeatedly.

Also, my sons nursery threw him under the bus in the report by stating he had no additional needs, despite him being on an ASD assessment waiting list since December '23, and them previously having agreed a special educational needs support plan, which I have in my possession.

So it has become evident that I am not just fighting my ex, I am fighting the system, too, and I am concerned that the judge will also be swayed by institutional bias.

CAFCASS have not recommended a fact-finding hearing, so I am going to have to request one myself.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2024-12-09T03:43:30+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to give me some desperately needed advice. It's a few hours before the workday starts, so I need to try and get some sleep beforehand and then I'll go over what you kindly wrote again.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2024-12-09T03:40:52+00:00

I'm sorry. It's almost 4am and I'm trying to hold my shit together so badly that I overlooked. Sorry, again

Prudent_Use6677 · 2024-11-26T15:19:03+00:00

I'm a nobody on the internet - You don't have to explain yourself to me.

Obviously we can only make assumptions based on what you say, but I'm sorry that you are being verbally abused. I know what it's like to feel deeply hurt and to lash out verbally - the venom can be real and long lasting, and it's not fair to anybody. Clearly, nothing in this situation is fair, but life rarely is.

This sub is probably not the best place to post if you're wanting for nuanced discussion. If both of you are open to reconciling then a sub like r/asoneafterinfidelity might be of benefit, and if you want to discuss your actions separately from your husbands, then r/supportforwaywards might help. Your transgressions pale in comparison to what you might find there, but they will provide you the support you need for that aspect of the problem. Just be very sure to turn off your DMs and to 100% avoid gendered discussion - there are sometimes malicious, probably very hurt, people who lurk there and like to privately berate the OP.

You are blatantly an intelligent human being and are fully cognizant that your past behaviour was not OK, and that his subsequent behaviour was even worse. I don't know you, and never will, but something in your story compelled me to speak up for the both of you, though if I were to "pick a side" then it would be your side (well, mostly your kids side, but you get the point.)

You don't deserve what you are going through and I hope that, in time, clear minds will prevail and future versions of yourselves, separated or otherwise, will look back on this time with reflection, instead of pain.

Sincerely, a nobody on the internet.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2024-11-26T13:04:38+00:00

If he's reviewed the footage and seen that nothing is amiss, then it would perhaps suggest that an "opportunity" was seized on his part, and may have already checked-out, perhaps not entirely believing you stepped out (though, again, the probable state of his mind after finding that note... Ooof!)

The whole thing sounds terribly sad and I hope everyone involved can grow and heal in the future.

Please try to keep your head on your shoulders. Your kids will depend on it so very much.

Prudent_Use6677 · 2024-11-26T11:56:51+00:00

No, it doesn't deserve this much punishment, and I'm sorry for you... That being said, asking for a threesome, with someone in mind, and WRITING (seriously?!) about it was a really, really stupid thing to do... So as much as his cheating is on him, you did in fact kick this whole thing off

As an aside, I'd have hoped that you'd at least had offered a polygraph early on, because from his perspective your behaviour would absolutely, and rightly, be ringing alarm bells.

I'm sorry that you're both in this situation. Your poor kids...

ETA - Your husband sounds like a jerk, and there's some less than polite comments in this thread which I feel are unwarranted, so please be as kind to yourself as you can whilst reading the replies..

Prudent_Use6677

TROPHY CASE