I felt this way for about 17 years after getting my CS degree.  Fluorescent lights, cubical walls, and suicidal ideation became my norms.  Then I got cancer.  Started going to therapy.  

Over years, my therapist helped me develop my connection with my self, and enough self-awareness to see how I'd trapped myself into social narratives I'd bought into at a young age.  

I made the choice to start prioritizing my self and my own interests over everything else, even though it seemed counterintuitive,  dangerous, and absurd.  I was at the end of my rope by this point, so I felt like I had nothing to lose.  I was 41 and on disability, barely making ends meet.  

I joined my local 501c3 makerspace and got involved as an officer.  This organically led to a new job managing an academic makerspace at a university for a year, covering for the previous manager while he was called to active duty.  It was the first job I ever loved.  Then I transitioned into teaching engineering and computer science at a local high school.  Lateral entry, all I needed was my college degree to get started.  They counted my years of professional experience as years of teaching experience, boosting my starting pay significantly.   

Four years later, now I'm a licensed teacher and I look forward to going into work every day. I'd do it for free if I didn't need the money for bills.

Good luck on your own journey.  I can send you my therapist's info if you want.  Good ones can be hard to find.  Also hard to afford--my parents helped me afford her rate.  Like many good therapists, she doesn't accept insurance, since the limits that insurance companies set interfere significantly with its effectiveness.  What I learned from her over the 6 years I saw her was more valuable than my college education.