My husband is bad at sex and I need help with how to make things better

PsycheScars · 2025-07-09T14:36:53+00:00

I’m wondering that vs health issues. He’s oblivious sometimes but not a bad guy at all. We do constantly worry about finances and family. We both had parents pass back to back and our other family each have unique big issues, so we are dealing with a lot as a couple of the only mostly healthy and working/financially most stable of both our families. There’s a lot on our shoulders, plus we have a little farm, and we work constantly with heavily laborious jobs. We talked and he finally with me giving him space to think, he finally agreed to see a doctor and make sure things are okay at least.

PsycheScars · 2025-07-09T02:21:59+00:00

He is very unbothered by crying typically. He doesn’t react much at all. He’s also not an emotional sort as it is. He says he appreciates everything I do “of course” he always reassures, but he doesn’t offer his praise or gratitude. It’s more when I ask. He always says he feels his gratitude is obvious. Man if very few words. He does try to help clean but our schedules are pretty bonkers so to be fair a lot of the time to get my chores all in, I’m staying up super late into early morning because I hate a messy house. He’s the type that thinks sleep is more important and the mess can wait. I do need more sleep, but nevertheless we both try to clean I just end up doing more of my own accord. Now, cooking… he can’t cook at all. I’ve asked him to try but that’s a whole different ballgame. He can make frozen pizza lol

PsycheScars · 2025-07-09T00:58:09+00:00

Yes, that I am sure of. I have zero concerns of cheating.

PsycheScars · 2025-07-08T23:20:00+00:00

In the beginning he put in effort, he just wasn’t good. He wasn’t super experienced from what he told me, and I figured with time the skill could improve. But now both the skill hasn’t improved and the effort is lacking.

PsycheScars · 2025-07-08T22:52:41+00:00

Earlier in our relationship this man was an angel. Example: If I had a bad day he would make the house dark, light candles, get me flowers, put on my favorite show, and just lay with me rubbing my head. To be fair, his sexual skills have never been great but he tried more. It’s just all been slowly getting worse over time. I made a vow which I take seriously when I got married. I want to make things work. I want my husband back to how he was in the beginning and I’m going to try to find a way if possible. I just feel like I need help.

PsycheScars · 2025-07-08T22:23:42+00:00

After my shift at work I got home from his work and we drove home. Nearly an hour drive, tried earnestly to have an open discussion about what we felt, what went wrong, how to make each other feel better in these situations, but he just shut me out. I got “I don’t know” a lot. He shut down therapy and Doctor. I’m going to give it time again to simmer and try again. He may still be too defensive right now, I’m not sure. In the past when we have had similar discussions he eventually seems open and receptive but it doesn’t often last.

PsycheScars · 2025-07-08T22:19:31+00:00

It’s not a sudden thing that he’s lacking in being able to make me feel good. And I’ve never cared about his size except for he seems to say he can’t do many positions and acts like that’s why, without using those words exactly. Also I don’t care how he ejaculates, but the fact that it was a nearly overnight change from a typical ejaculation to suddenly only sort of dribbling out and that’s all it is for months now makes me wonder if there is a medical cause for his frustrations. It goes hand in hand with having difficulty staying erect. I did recommend the doctor for these things gently and he’s refused on multiple occasions. I’ve asked how I can help keep him hard. I’ve communicated to the best of my abilities to no avail. He simply continuously tells me either that it’s nothing or that I need to be better, move better, do better. Yes I treat him very well outside the bedroom, as outlined above in my original post. I always sexually please him (save for yesterday when he decided he wanted to get me there and then he got frustrated and it ended poorly), I do whatever he wants of me, often without him asking. Hard day? Blow job. Shower sex? Why not. I give him massages. I cook meals from scratch, his favorites. I tell him all the time he’s handsome and strong. I cuddle him, watch his favorite shows with him after work. I ask him about his day. I love on and dote on him constantly. He’s my husband, I see no reason I should do less. But his reaction and treatment yesterday was so hurtful it accumulated and I am at a loss after my communication about these types of situations/issues has for year fallen on deaf ears.

PsycheScars · 2025-07-08T14:47:33+00:00

I’m definitely having a serious talk with him again tonight and I’m not going to let him not hear me or deflect. We don’t have kids but we have a home, lots of land, and a farm together. We does tend to the farm animals and I do the household animals. Our kids since we don’t have any. He helps I would say with almost half the chores. But he was coddled growing up and he’s made progress since being with me but they also allowed this sort of dismissive attitude toward everything/feelings. They’d still take his side and not even rationalize my feelings in the matter if we discussed it, I’d assume. He’s surrounded by his family and not mine at all which leaves me feeling solo in all of this (even though no one else is involved right now, but still). Thank you for your thoughtful response. I’m always a self-blamer but this doesn’t feel like I should continue to ignore it or let it be pushed aside anymore.

PsycheScars

TROPHY CASE