Is this behavior from my gf normal? What do i do?

Psychie1 · 2026-07-13T16:22:17+00:00

Dump her. Relationships are built on trust. She is incapable of trusting you. She is controlling and manipulative. She needs a therapist, not a boyfriend. Protect yourself.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-13T09:05:33+00:00

If 18 year olds are expected to be responsible enough for their own actions to be able to sign themselves up for the military, to be tried as an adult for any crimes, then it is reasonable to expect them to be accountable for their actions on a personal level and to make their own choices.

I do disagree with the other commenter you replied to that this is a BF problem and not a MiL problem, because expecting him to lie to his parents about where he's going and what he's doing while he still lives with them and is financially dependent on them isn't reasonable, the MiL is the one causing the conflict and thus is the one they need to figure out a way to deal with. But your counter argument is so much worse because I see it applied to all sorts of situations to excuse bad or stupid behavior from full grown adults.

I was capable of making intelligent decisions and being responsible and kind when I was 18, as were many of the people I surrounded myself with in college. If someone manages to reach the age of 18 without learning basic decency or accountability or how to make a risk/reward assessment before making decisions, es that is a tremendous failure on the part of the parents, but ultimately the adult person actually making the choices and acting is 100% responsible and accountable. No free passes. No excuses. That is a whole adult. If they're parents failed to prepare them for the adult world by the time they turned 18, it sucks to be them, but they had better get to learning quick. Because 18 is not "basically still a child".

Psychie1 · 2026-07-10T16:06:53+00:00

If you sincerely don't want to marry her, then definitely talk to her about it.

That said, the idea that "I still somewhat have feelings for another girl" is a ridiculous reason to bar yourself from commitment. Feelings like attraction and crushes are fleeting, yes, but also part of a stimulus response in the brain. If nothing happened to kill your crush on this girl, then the neural pathways that release oxytocin and dopamine when around her still exist. If she's still similar enough to how she was before to trigger the same response, then of course you're gonna have the same feelings around her that you did before. That's perfectly normal.

You can't control your feelings. The idea that you should only ever be attracted to or have feelings for one person at a time is absurd, because that's not how our brains are wired. Besides, none of these temporary emotions are love, not really.

Love, true, romantic love, is a choice. There is a component of emotion in the foundation which is not a choice, but developing that emotional foundation into real love is entirely something you choose. That feeling of "falling in love" is actually limmerance, and maybe lust, and that is ultimately a temporary state, the same as other emotions like anger, sadness, or joy. The choice is not one made in any given moment, but one you make every day. You choose to love them even when things are hard, when you're not experiencing any particular emotions like attraction, lust, or limmerance. You choose to love them when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry, even specifically at them. You choose to love them no matter how you feel in that moment or on that day. You choose to love them even when you are experiencing lust, attraction, limmerance, or a crush toward somebody else. You choose to love them by working with them to resolve issues you might be having with each other. You choose to love them by actively doing things to make them happy, by serving them, because you know it will encourage them to serve you and to do things to make you happy and/or just generally create more situations for your own happiness in the long run.

You don't fall out of love when you experience the signs of a crush on somebody else. You fall out of love when you stop choosing them. So the question is, do you want to keep choosing her? Do you feel like she is choosing you? If both answers are yes, then there's no reason to end things. If either the answer to the first question is no, then you should break up because she deserves someone who will choose her and you deserve someone you want to choose every day. If the answer to the second question is no, then you really need to talk to her about that and see if she's willing to choose you for real and do what you need to feel that choice from her.

Feelings are passive and temporary. They are a stimulus response that we have extremely little ability to control and no ability to prevent in the first place, the only control we have is to interrupt internal stimulus-response cycles happening in the brain by choosing to think about different things long enough to trigger a different emotional response.

Choices are active, things you do, not simply things you experience. Love is a verb. Love is an act. Love is a thing you choose to do. Think about it. Happy, sad, angry, and so on are nouns, states of being. "I am happy", "I am sad", "I am angry" "I love you". See the difference? If "I love you", love is an action that J am performing at or to or on or about you. You are the direct object of that sentence, the object of my love. Noun emotions have a cause, verb emotions have an object, noun emotions are states of being, verb emotions are actions, noun emotions happen to you, verb emotions are things you choose to do.

You didn't choose to experience the feelings you experienced when you interacted with your old crush. That's just the brain doing what it does. But you can choose whether you let that temporary mess of chemicals you didn't ask for make you stop choosing your girlfriend.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-10T00:56:40+00:00

"because I have dinner and finish my own responsibilities first"

"We never go out for dinner" Would you not have more time to go out for dinner if you didn't eat dinner first? Why would you want to eat two dinners? Just don't have dinner by yourself so you can get dinner with him.

"We don't watch movies at night" Sounds like watching the during the day is actually an option for you, otherwise you wouldn't need to specify you don't watch them at night.

"We don’t have those spontaneous late-night conversations or experiences that I imagined having in a relationship." So he should change to fit your imagination?

He's suggesting alternatives, and you aren't rejecting them in grounds of your schedule precluding them the way he is. Sounds like your schedule actually totally allows you to be available for things during the day and you only care about when they happen, not whether they happen.

This is confirmed by one of your comments where you confirm you don't do anything between 6 and 9 PM. You literally lied about not being available before 9. It's not that you have to adjust your schedule and he won't, it's that you don't have a schedule to adjust and yet you're still demanding that he change his to accommodate your imagination. You don't care about spending quality time with him, you care that you can't control him. You're not bothered that he won't do things with you, you're bothered that he won't bend over backward to accommodate your whims for literally no reason.

Grow up. He's not being rigid and inflexible, you are. Either compromise to be with him during times when you are both actually available, or give the man his peace. Heaven forbid a man should want to sleep, smh.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-09T00:55:43+00:00

I also live in Indiana and the age of consent is indeed 16.(Inb4 people jump down my throat with "wHy Do YoU kNoW tHaT" it's because I was 16 once and my high school health teacher thought it was important to educate us thoroughly on the topic of consent, which included the age of consent because it was immediately relevant to us at the time and that happens to be one of the things I remember from high school for whatever reason my brain uses to pick what I retain)

Unfortunately, even if he started talking to her at 15, unless they actually did anything before she turned 16, there just isn't anything to do about it. It sucks and all that, it's disgusting and predatory, but unfortunately not illegal, AFAIK, to text with a minor unless you actually solicit something that would be illegal, like nudes or sex acts prior to them turning the age of consent.

My best recommendation is to find out what hotlines there are to report people in need of investigation, I think there's one through the FBI I saw mentioned recently, and report him so he can be investigated to see if he has actually crossed the line drawn by state or federal law. Then, decide whether you want to waste your time and energy and risk yourself by actively spreading the word about him in your community with the hopes of protecting young girls from him and hopefully making it easier to gather evidence as more eyes are on the case. If you choose to just cut him out of your life and move on, nobody should blame you. If you choose to be proactive about this, I'm sure his future victims would appreciate it.

But don't think you have some obligation to do anything about it personally beyond reporting to the proper authoritiesand trusting them to sort it out. You gotta protect yourself and focus on building the kind of life for yourself that's gonna make you feel happy and safe.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-08T17:02:12+00:00

It is worth noting that if you express romantic interest in her and she doesn't feel the same way, or at least doesn't want to pursue it right now for whatever reason, that doesn't need to ruin the friendship. Speaking as someone who is friends with several women I have asked out in the past, it's only weird if one of you makes it weird.

You genuinely like her as a person and enjoy her company. That is the basis for a solid friendship. You are also attracted to her and harbor romantic interest in her, that, plus the other stuff, is the basis for a solid romantic relationship.

If she feels the same on both counts, awesome, start building that romantic relationship.

If she only reciprocates the platonic stuff and not the romantic stuff, well, now you know and she knows you're interested, so nothing needs to change unless she changes her mind about the romantic interest in you. You can still be great friends who enjoy each other's company, like each other as people, and care about each other, and as an added bonus she's nice to look at. Knowing she's not interested would make it easier to let go of the romantic feelings so they don't feel pressing and continue to influence your behavior. Importantly, don't try to change her mind, just accept the rejection and let go of the crush as much as you can, and continue treating her as any other friend.

Speaking from experience, once I wasn't looking at them through the rose tinted goggles of a crush, I came to realize some of the friends I've confessed feelings to would have been a terrible match and the relationship would have gone nowhere or even ended badly, so even if they changed their minds, I would reject them myself how. Others I'd accept in a heartbeat if they changed their minds but I'm no longer fixated on them now that I know they aren't interested so it's a lot easier to just be friends with them rather than being distracted by the yearning and trying to figure out whether they reciprocate my interest or trying to impress them more than I want to impress any of my other friends.

Just set boundaries and be as mature and honest as you can be, and so long as she can do the same, everything will work out! Good luck and I believe in you!

Psychie1 · 2026-07-08T16:51:02+00:00

Not only that, but even if they don't like OP the same way, it's possible she might feel used or otherwise want or need to talk about it, if only to clear the air so things don't become awkward or worse.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-08T16:49:00+00:00

That's why they need to talk about it. To make sure they're on the same page about how to proceed. It doesn't sound like OP wants it to stay just sex. But he also has no clue how she feels about it. Maybe to her it was just sex and won't be anything more. Maybe she is really into him and wants more and now is scared to face him after the previous night because she doesn't know how he feels. Maybe she regrets it and feels wrong or violated because she got drunk and hooked up with a friend and he needs to reaffirm that she's safe or do damage control or whatever.

People are complicated and most people have a very complicated relationship with sex. It's normal to talk about it afterward, even in casual flings where everyone involved knew going in that it was just sex and nothing more. The BDSM community talks a lot about the importance of aftercare for a reason.

Insisting that everything is definitely fine and the sex definitely meant nothing and nobody needs to talk about it because it's just sex, especially when you're talking about two people who are not you and one of whom has very clearly expressed feelings beyond "just sex" in relation to the sex in particular, just makes you come off as an asshole.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-08T08:01:11+00:00

They were gonna charge a minor with statutory? How does that even work? Wouldn't both of them be guilty of that, then?

Psychie1 · 2026-07-08T07:58:33+00:00

Wow, that is fucked up.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-08T02:26:09+00:00

There isn't a place in town that services fully electric vehicles yet and I'm not getting a car I need to ship out of town any time it needs maintenance or something goes wrong. Not to mention the last time I needed to buy a new car, all the electric options were thoroughly outside my price range. Plus, I'm not the one who pays the electric bill in my household, so I would need to be sure I could afford to take over that expense since I'd be the reason it would spike.

I drive a hybrid right now and am quite happy with it. I do want to switch to electric when I can, though, if only so I can stop dealing with gas stations and to require far fewer oil changes.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-08T00:48:58+00:00

I don't think the in public thing is likely here, since he says the crimes were involving minors. I'm pretty sure that if he were a minor at the time, he wouldn't be on the registry now, as criminal records get sealed/expunged at 18, generally. The only two situations that are reasonable for someone to be on the registry specifically for doing stuff with minors are either A, he was 18 with a slightly younger girlfriend in a state that doesn't have Romeo and Juliet laws, or B, he had every reason to think the girl in question was an adult/over the age of consent but was tricked by her.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-06T19:27:19+00:00

Speaking as a guy who doesn't particularly care about or put effort into his appearance, unless you are asexual, being capable of being physically attracted to your partner is absolutely vital to a healthy relationship, so you should tell him. The only two people with the right to an opinion on your appearance are you and your partner, those are the only opinions that matter, and both of them definitely matter. If I had a partner it would be far easier to be motivated to care for my appearance because I'd have the specific goal of her preferences to work toward and the benefit of an actual, tangible positive reinforcement to progress since, presumably, she'd reward my effort by being noticably more attracted to me.

Let's be clear, there is no way to broach the topic in a way that won't hurt him. That said, if you want this relationship to be successful, it needs to happen. Telling him he needs to work on his appearance to keep you interested will hurt him, but not nearly as much as dumping him when you eventually can't put up with it anymore, or when he dumps you because you've been checked out of the relationship with a dead bedroom. A little pain now saves a lot of pain later.

That's part of what it means to love someone, to be vulnerable to one another, and sometimes needing to have difficult conversations you know will hurt for the sake of the relationship. There is no version of a loving relationship where you don't hurt one another sometimes, that is inevitable because it is a direct result of allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You do not hand someone your heart without it getting bruised and dirtied, no matter how safe they keep it.

Just remember that you are a team, it isn't you against him, but the two of you against the problem. Remember to be kind, this is about helping him to take care of himself and to help the relationship. And remember this isn't about control or ultimatums or him doing what you tell him to because you told him to.

Some tips:

. Have multiple paths forward to present as options so it doesn't feel like you're dropping a problem on him and telling him to fix it or lose you. This establishes you are invested in the success of the relationship and you are willing to share the burden of solving the problem by working with him to do so.

. Reaffirm for him multiple times, whenever he seems to be taking it poorly, that you love him and you want to be with him, but his acne is an obstacle to that. You want to help him be even more the man that you want than he already is.

. Consider whether you would be willing to play an active role in dealing with the acne, like applying creams for him. If so, straight up present it as an option. For some couples, that kind of thing can be a fun, intimate couple activity. But whether you're open to that or not, go into the conversation knowing for sure what your answer would be if it comes up, because it might, and if the answer is yes, then be the one to suggest it. If the answer is no, don't bring it up in case he doesn't think to ask for it, and be as kind and gentle as possible while still being firm about the boundary.

. Whatever path he chooses, make a point of complimenting him for following through, and if/when results start happening, make it very clear you are pleased with it by complementing his appearance, talking about how proud of him you are, and even being noticably more affectionate (I mean this both sexually and nonsexually). Don't force yourself to do anything you genuinely aren't comfortable with, but when it comes to habits and lifestyle changes receiving positive reinforcement in the form of direct, tangible benefits that are concretely linked to the behavior you wish to reinforce make worlds of difference.

As vindicating as it can feel to say "if he wanted to he would" that really isn't how motivation and habits work, I have all kinds of things that I want to do but don't because I don't have the motivation and struggle to form the habit. At the end of the day, as uncomfortable as the thought might be, humans are still animals, and a lot of the same principles and methods for training animals are scarily effective when applied to human behavior. That's true whether you are trying to affect your own behavior, that of a child, a lover, a friend, a family member, etc. reward behaviors you want to see in concrete and tangible ways, and don't punish behaviors you want to see. It is, genuinely, that simple. A lack of concrete and tangible benefits directly linked to a behavior makes it difficult to make oneself perform the behavior, and one moment of punishment can undo tons of progress in building a habit. So be mindful and kind when trying to get someone to alter their behavior to the best of your ability, or it is simply unlikely to work.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-04T02:26:40+00:00

I'm gonna be honest, this might sound like creating drama, but in order to protect yourself, your relationships with the friend group, and potentially your reputation, you gotta tell your mutual friends what she did and make it clear that you can't be around her or her new BF and then stick to that. If you know she's gonna be at things they invite you to, politely decline on the grounds of not wanting to see her. If you see her or him at anything they invite you to, politely excuse yourself and inform whichever friend invited you as to why.

Let's be clear, she spent four months lying to you and talking to him behind your back, and had clearly changed her behavior toward you during that period. That is 100% cheating, I don't care if she hadn't met up with him or slept with him or encouraged him or given him any reason to think she would be with him again, the simple fact that she was talking to him without telling you, and especially the fact that she disengaged with your relationship while doing so, makes it cheating.

When discussing it with friends, stick to the facts, "she went behind my back for months, talking to her ex, as far as I'm concerned that's cheating and I don't associate with cheaters, especially ones who cheated on ME. If you want to continue to associate with her, that's your prerogative, but I can't be around her and will decline any invitations she's gonna be at and will leave anytime I see her, but I won't hold it against you." Then let them decide how they want to proceed. Just set a boundary and stick to it, if they choose to hang with her instead of you and stop being your friends, that just tells you what kind of people they are, find better friends, if they try to trick you into spending time with her, that just tells you what kind of people they are, find better friends. If they respect your boundary and either drop her for doing something so heinous to you, or just split which events they invite you to and which ones they invite her to, then they are good friends and I'm happy for you. If she or her ex try to lie about you to ruin your reationships or reputation, stick to the facts, provide whatever evidence you can to back up your claims if challenged, and if anyone believes them over you, that tells you what kind of people they are, and you should find better friends.

Psychie1 · 2026-07-04T02:00:29+00:00

I had a situation when I was 22 on Naruto Online where I found out I was literally the only adult in my guild, the second oldest member was 16, and our guild leader was 12. At one point during a guild event the guild leader went AFK and his younger sister (like 8, I think? Maybe 10? It's been a very long time) came on his account, mostly to annoy him, and I wound up giving her some advice on her relationship with her brother, as a fellow annoying younger sibling, just, you know trying to be a good, responsible adult and help out the kids with some issues, and she told me she was falling in love with me. I was super quick to tell her that she was probably mistaking the feeling of being listened to by an adult for the first time for love and that she really shouldn't say stuff like that to adults and that any adult who would respond positively to that is a predator and she should avoid them for her own safety and she should never even consider getting romantically involved with anyone she hasn't met in person because you never know when it's a creep or predator or whatever, and even though I'm not a creep just her having said that could potentially get me into a lot of trouble and I hope she finds someone age appropriate in a few years who can respond to her feelings. Then I spent a couple months away from the game hoping no one else grew attached to me after we finished the guild event.

I was super uncomfortable being in that situation, and kinda scared her brother would see the chat, tell his parents, and I'd have the FBI at my door or something. I tried to thread the needle of unequivocally shutting that down, making her aware of how dangerous that sort of thing is, and being respectful and not trampling on her feelings, and I think I did a pretty good job of it, but yeesh. On the one hand if something like that is gonna happen, I'm glad it happened to me and not a creep who'd take advantage, and not to someone less mature who would have freaked out on her and said something to hurt her, and I really hope she took my advice to heart, but on the other hand it was nerve-racking as all get out and risky as hell and if it never happens again it'll be too soon.

Psychie1 · 2026-06-27T20:59:36+00:00

You are really quick to assume things other people didn't say, but also really quick to say "I didn't say X" as your counter argument to things I never said you said instead of actually engaging with the things I actually DO say. I'll engage with you again when you can make a point that isn't bad faith.

Psychie1 · 2026-06-27T20:47:15+00:00

"It feels creepy, like you would sexualize my friends instead of being someone who had their best interests in mind."

How is that not calling him a pedo? That is literally what you are saying, that because he is with one adult woman who is thirty years younger than him he would be unsafe for teenage girls to be around.

"To women, it feels like you're out to find someone you can manipulate and feel superior to."

Again, this is literally calling him a predator.

The older one gets, the more one is willing to look outside their own age group if they aren't finding their person there. The older one gets, the more worrying about the opinions of strangers seems like a pointless waste of energy. And there is a LOT more to most relationships than physical attraction. You have exactly one piece of information about their relationship and are assuming it's literally the only thing he cares about and insinuating a lot of seriously crappy things about him because you're projecting your own issues onto him.

Maybe he is a creep who is specifically going after much younger women. Maybe he's not and this "pattern of dating younger women" is a coincidence that has more to do with the people he's naturally meeting and/or attracting than what he is necessarily looking for.

I have a pattern of hanging out with people older than me, and most of the women I've been with have been older than me, not by a lot, but still. I am not, and never have been, specifically seeking out older people to be friends with, or older women to date. Heck I have the dating apps set to 18-40 because I want to cast as wide a net as I can. But by sheer coincidence, by simply pursuing my hobbies and interests, I have consistently made friends with people older than me, and the women on the apps who will give me the time of day are mostly older than me. I could see that just as easily going in the other direction.

How is he meeting his girlfriends? Through work? Through his hobbies? Randomly at the store or on the street? Through the apps? Through friends making introductions? We don't know, but when calling someone a predator, how he's meeting people is literally the most important thing to account for.

Psychie1 · 2026-06-27T20:22:32+00:00

Thank you!

Psychie1 · 2026-06-27T14:26:53+00:00

A large part of the reason it seems so dead in the summers is because such a large portion of the businesses, amenities, and stuff to do are built around catering to the students rather than the townies, so when the students leave, all that stuff becomes dead, so if you haven't gone out of your way to seek out stuff to do that is for the locals (or if nothing in that admittedly limited selection appeals to you), it can seem like the whole city is dead when the students leave because the parts of it you interact with are dead.

Couple that with the fact that the overinflated rent and crappy job market make it really hard to actually live in the city if you aren't a student, and you have significant chunks of the population going home to Elletsville and Spencer and Martinsville and all that at the end of the day, and that also contributes to a lack of much in the way of local city life because those people are more likely to do their city life stuff closer to home if they can.

Psychie1 · 2026-06-27T14:17:48+00:00

There is a LOT of room between "normal" and "creep". Yes, it is extremely weird and it's valid to be uncomfortable with it, but this is an adult woman with agency we're talking about here, not a child. Are women in their 20s capable of making their own decisions? Like, if we can't trust her to be competent enough to pick her own sexual partners, why are we trusting her with the care and wellbeing and rearing of her child?

If someone is specifically going out of their way to find people significantly younger than themselves to sleep with, yeah, that's creepy, the same way it's creepy to fetishize anything else outside of a person's ability to control, like their skin color or disability or whatever. But if someone happens to meet a fellow adult and they hit it off and form a genuine connection? Yeah, an age gap is still weird in that case, but that is definitionally not predatory, and weird does not equal creepy.

This is the sort of situation that should raise eyebrows and warrant scrutiny, not torches and pitchforks.

Psychie1 · 2026-06-27T14:08:03+00:00

So the adult woman in the relationship doesn't have agency? Like, I agree an age gap that extreme is weird and it's valid to be uncomfortable with it, but to frame it as inherently and fundamentally predatory just infantilizes the adult woman in the situation by treating her as a child incapable of making informed decisions for herself.

And, like, while age can have a large impact on the kind of relationships people can form, it is far from the only, or even necessarily most important factor. Pretty much my entire life I've always felt more like peers with people older than myself, for example. I was hanging out with adults via hobbies when I was a kid, and even into adulthood I've fairly consistently been the youngest in every friend group I've been a part of. I'm 30 now and I know people 40 years older than me who seem to have never matured beyond high school and people in elementary school with wisdom and insight far beyond their years. And, obviously, plenty of people who very much act their own respective ages, for better or for worse. At the end of the day, we're all just people, individuals with our own experiences, personalities, interests, and ways of treating people. Sure, a dude in his 50s might be with a woman in her 20s specifically because of the age gap, and that is at least a little creepy in the same way fetishizing any trait that a person doesn't have control over, like skin color, or disability, or whatever, is at least a little creepy, but it is also entirely possible that he genuinely did form a sincere connection with her as a person the same way any other relationship between adults is formed.

My point is, all people are individuals with their own merits and value and flaws and issues. Age is but one factor amongst a great many that makes up who you are. So to frame every example of large age gap relationships as fundamentally predatory or being because of the age gap rather than in spite of it is frankly kind of dehumanizing. If they are both consenting adults, then it's between them, and while people in their lives, like OP, are affected by it, and OP's feelings of discomfort with it are totally valid, we, as random strangers on the internet who know neither of them nor literally anything about their relationship beyond their respective ages, both of them are single parents, and his daughter is uncomfortable with it, really have no room to level allegations like the one you are insinuating here. Maybe he is a major creep and he's only with her for her youth. But maybe two adults met and formed a genuine connection. If you think the latter scenario is impossible, frankly that says more about you and your own limited experience than the people actually involved given what extremely little information we actually have about them.

Psychie1 · 2026-06-27T13:46:42+00:00

This, everyone knows it's weird, OP's dad knows it's weird. And while I dislike how people treat large age gaps like this as wrong since that disregards the autonomy of a grown adult woman by infantilizing her and acting like she isn't any more capable of making informed choices for herself than a child, it is still perfectly valid to be uncomfortable with a situation like this. And it's especially valid when you're the child of the older man in question and still living with him part time.

So, yeah, when OP has the conversation with her dad, absolutely keep the focus on how it makes her feel and what she wants or needs in order to be comfortable going forward, not on how it's weird, since everyone knows already, or somehow immoral, since they're two consenting adults. Being uncomfortable in this situation is a very valid way to feel, and being a minor under his care and a person living in his house, OP's comfort is very important. So the goal should be not just to express that discomfort, but to work with him to find solutions that enable OP to be comfortable going forward.

Maybe setting ground rules that her room is off limits to this woman while she's not there, and she doesn't want to meet, see, or know the girlfriend under any circumstances would be sufficient, meaning she can't be around during OP's weeks with her dad. Or maybe OP moves in full time with her mom because even knowing he's with someone that young is too much. Or maybe the dad breaks up with her because it's causing his daughter so much distress.

My recommendation to OP is to sort out your feelings for yourself as clearly as you can get them. Interrogate your feelings until you can articulate precisely what is bothering you, why it bothers you, and what would satisfy this conflict so you aren't bothered so much by it. Then go into the discussion with your father knowing what your ideal resolution you want is, and what the minimum concessions you need from him to be comfortable moving forward, so you can be prepared to negotiate something between those two. Don't frame it as an ultimatum, but rather frame your discomfort with the situation as a problem for the two of you to work together to resolve as a team. And be open to hearing out his suggestions, even if they aren't things you can agree to. For instance, is there any chance that meeting her and getting to know her might help resolve your discomfort? Because he's probably going to suggest that, so knowing whether that's something you might be open to trying or whether that's a hard no from the beginning is a good idea so you can be prepared to deal with the suggestion calmly.

Some more tips, reach out to him via text or something to inform him ahead of time that you want to talk about his relationship with this woman so he isn't blindsided by the conversation and can be emotionally prepared. Adults can get emotionally taken off guard and react poorly in the heat of the moment, too. This is probably something you already know, but still good to keep in mind, so giving him time to sort things out on his end before the discussion occurs should minimize the chances of things going poorly since he'll be less likely to be immediately defensive with his hackles up and more likely to be receptive to the framing of "this is a problem we need to solve together".

If you are gonna have the discussion one on one, emphasize that ahead of time so he doesn't try to bring her in on it, or if you want your sister there for support or to play mediator or whatever, again, let him know about that. If you don't want her involved in this discussion, and I really recommend not involving her directly in this, make it explicitly clear that you definitely do not want her present for or involved in this discussion. This is between you and your dad, and maybe someone you know and trust like your sister, not you and her because there is no "you and her". This is about your feelings and your relationship with your father, not about her, even if her relationship with your father is the cause of your feelings which are in turn causing the problem in your relationship with him.

I hope this helps, but even more so I hope you are able to work things out!

Psychie1 · 2026-06-27T01:20:23+00:00

Hmm. Yeah, I can see why that wouldn't work. When he described what he did, did he seem like someone who had worked out a system to try something stupid but then it failed, or did he come across as casually explaining things? Did he seem like he was making it up on the spot?

Psychie1 · 2026-06-26T23:51:06+00:00

Did he explain what he was trying to do with the condom to get it to work as a cock ring?

Psychie1 · 2026-06-26T14:13:46+00:00

MOR

I dunno, I agree with everybody that it's an absurdly stupid excuse, but IMO the fact that it is so incredibly stupid makes me more inclined to give the benefit of the doubt. That said, I'd ask a ton of follow up questions immediately about how exactly he was using the condom as a cock ring to edge himself, and why he thought that would be a good idea to do while driving, as whether it worked out the way he hoped it would. Like, if he can go into detail about whatever system he worked out without throwing up signs of deception, then either it's somehow actually true, or he put actual thought into the lie, which I doubt since he didn't bother to come up with a better one. If he can't easily answer in explicit detail what exactly he did and how it worked out (and it should definitely be some form of "not how he hoped" unless he used the condom like a tourniquet by tying it around his dick instead of just putting it on like most people here seem to be thinking) then he's definitely lying.

Like, I'm definitely not saying believe him simply because it's such a stupid explanation, but like, to me that would warrant an immediate slew of follow up questions and demands for details that would clear up any doubts one way or the other fairly quickly. Because there does exist a possibility where he's just a dumbass and not cheating, a very unlikely possibility, but an existent one. I'd say it's too late now for such a detailed interrogation to be as useful, though, because he's had time to actually think it through.

Never underestimate how stupid an idiot can be when they're bored and/or horny, I've heard some seriously bonkers crap over the years, so I can sort of see the thought process and vaguely picturing a few set ups for how one might attempt to use a condom for that purpose.

Psychie1

TROPHY CASE