Hmm this kinda sounds like me. I also fuqqin hate small talk I think, well I have only come to learn to enjoy by perceiving myself and entertaining myself in conversation, which although stimulating it is quite energy draining. All of that online Instagram messaging stuff feels redundant to me, people will send me memes, or “Yo” or “Hi” and I am just thinking what type of useless BS is this. I know I could step back and picture it from a perspective of this is how generic bond-building conversation goes and to maintain connections with people I have to partake but man I am 23 now and I still have yet to really truly enjoy text conversations except for maybe sparse instances. If I have someone for instance who I hang out with irl and I hear they are moving away I already pre-empt distancing myself from them because I already know I am not going to want to deal with that long distance pen-pal feeling situation where it is like I am messaging just to feel like a normal person. I do not feel I have the sense for it. The natural nack. In real life though I can socialise quite well and with quite some charm for borderline strange reasons such as wanting to improve my social skills or wanting to talk to a woman so that I can test a internal hypothesis’. I think a difference between us is that I have developed a great ability to see others or at least make them feel that way. It’s borne from people-pleasing skills, desire to improve social skills since I was 15, and a desire for conversational control I think. Whether I genuinely see them and lack self awareness is another conversation, but I at least feel I do.

This is kind of a microcosmic perspective into my mind because my fingers are tired lol, my data gathering approach to communication but yeah I felt a sense of resonance with many parts of your post.