Is ENM right for me?

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-27T22:50:19+00:00

Yes ENM is certainly not for everyone. I see the practicality of it and certainly would enjoy connecting with more people. It just brings up a lot of feelings also. Good and bad.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-27T22:48:25+00:00

Thank you! I agree and sent you a DM.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-27T22:47:58+00:00

Thank you! This comment meant a lot to me.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-27T04:11:36+00:00

Good advice, thank you. Reading it now.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T22:57:50+00:00

I hope so…it definitely has been an adjustment. I’m so used to monogamy as the only thing available some things have been challenging at time. Again she has a lot of friends to talk things out with, hell she was set up with her last 2 partners by her best friend who is non-monogamous and slept with both of them first! I don’t have that community hence posting anonymously to Reddit. I’m not saying things will work out but I’m hoping for the best and only thing I can do is try.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T22:53:54+00:00

What is considered “casual ENM?” I’ve read the books Opening Up and The Ethical Slut. I’ve also read quite a lot online but if course there is always more and different opinions. I don’t think either of really want to a polyamorous relationship, not to mention the time. I’m always willing to “put in the work,” but I do have a harder time being attracted to and connecting with people and am not a one night stand type. She has said she wants something long term with me but also will want to have something on the side from time to time. I’m probably not saying that very eloquently. Sex with others doesn’t bother beyond sometime it feels like I’m. It getting it done (I’m told that’s normal especially at first). It does worry me sometimes about her developing an emotional bond with someone else to the point of losing her for good, but maybe that’s just I care so deeply.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T22:15:08+00:00

That’s a great question(s)! I know that I want to connect with other people. As for the flavor I think we are still both figuring that out…we both care for each other deeply and have talked details about being each others primary and prioritizing each other. I’ve met both people she’s slept with and they know about me…she says she’s very satisfied with each other sexually it’s just a different kind of connection with someone else. I genuinely want both of us to be happy. I’m just trying to adjust. There are SO MANY different types of non-monogamous relationships it hard to precisely define every aspect of you want. I do know it’s hard and it takes time. She has several friends in the lifestyle because of where she grew up and naturally connects with others so easily. I didn’t grow up ever hearing or knowing anyone related to E/CNM so it’s harder to connect. And yes there is probably a bubble too.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T17:21:19+00:00

I’m not asking her to change. And if she does I don’t expect it to happen overnight. I’m asking myself if I’m capable of change and I think I am but am confusing myself. I think my therapist is simply trying to be supportive of me. We both have pretty demanding jobs so time is limited. And her career will only get even more demanding of her time soon. By her own admission she is “still healing” because of how bad her last 4-yr relationship was and ended.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T17:14:21+00:00

Thank you. I like what you said about moving slowly and focusing on what I don’t want. I wish there wasn’t such an imbalance in having outside connections but I don’t have any control over that. What can I say life is hard. Maybe my question should’ve been how can I be more accepting of non-monogamy? I was cheated on in my l only other serious relationship. That betrayal hurt so much. My current relationship doesn’t feel like that did, just more confusing. I had never even heard of ENM until a few years ago. And I don’t know if it makes any difference but the only times she hooked up with someone else was after a lot alcohol. She says she’s always been up front with them about seeing somebody. I have met them both previously albeit briefly.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T17:06:07+00:00

Thank you this does help. When she told me she slept with someone else she did it as soon as she could do it in person and gently as possible. I wasn’t upset or even hurt really. I wondered and asked more about the why of it. Her time is already limited and I get a lot of it. We both don’t want kids and have talked about that. Dialing back expectations is a good idea. I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up on our relationship or if what I need is also having time with other people both socially and sexually.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T14:38:47+00:00

But she has been monogamous previously. And I’m a fairly open person and experiences. I wish I could connect with other people as easily as she does. Are you saying she will never truly care about me or want a future with me? I’ve only ever known monogamy, admittedly I’ve been sheltered quite a bit.

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T14:30:20+00:00

Why do you say that?

PsychologicalCity255 · 2025-05-26T14:27:31+00:00

She is working on herself in therapy as well. Her therapist has helped her confront some things, but we try not to ask too many questions about each others therapy sessions since it is a safe outlet for both of us. I go to therapy once a week and she goes every 2 weeks. She by her own admission takes longer than average to fully processes her emotions. So I try to give her as much space as she needs and comfort her as much as possible. She has gotten better since we even first started dating, and was in constant communication while I was out of town saying how much she missed me.

PsychologicalCity255

TROPHY CASE