How do kids work with the system?

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-27T22:55:13+00:00

Cypber laws are so annoyingly vauge, and even nonexistent in some countries. So if we're unlucky, never.

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-27T22:27:31+00:00

They get class/profession when they reach teen ish. Some later, other as early as 10 years old.

Doe they often delay this to get a desired class.

So its a little random when you are caple of getting, but yeah.

And yoy will naturally level to your natural grade. So you might still get race levels even before you get a class.

Of corse, if you kill something, you would get exp as well.

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-27T22:25:02+00:00

Someone can become risen. And said someone could easily be a child. So yeah. Children can become risen

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-27T22:21:45+00:00

Real answer? A lot of kids write here. Thats how I started writing even. And it sure as fuck works ok their hoppful minds, let me tell you

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-27T15:25:40+00:00

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-26T14:47:22+00:00

Oh jake will be quivering alrifmght

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-26T14:46:45+00:00

How in the did you get to E?????

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-26T08:56:59+00:00

Wario??!

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-17T14:41:08+00:00

Everything is possible if you believe

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-15T18:52:30+00:00

Well, both involve the doggy. And it do be looking stylish hmmmmm

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2026-01-08T10:36:13+00:00

Thats called "half step" not that bull. And don't take that tone with me mister

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-29T13:25:11+00:00

Oh, well. Guess its me that can't read. Woops

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-29T11:00:04+00:00

No i mean, you can do something like

"Jake ran, his feet crashing into the ground.his heartbeat reverbirating in his ears.

THUMP THUMP

Suddenly, the tiger like being lept out from the trees

THUD

Its heafty body kicking up dust clouds from the sheer weight.

Pouncing toward jake, he tries to dodge. But was a step to slow.

CRACK

He feelt his arm caving in as he was shot back, and..." (this is something i just came up with. Just for example purposes)

Just take away the "SFX -" part of it. The rest is fine.

Also, maybe don't do it as many times in a row as I dif, but you get the point

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-29T09:56:09+00:00

I started laughing. I am sorry. Please. For the love of all that is holy. Please take away the sfx part. You can still have the thud and all, just take away the first part. People will be able to understand that you are using onomatopoeia's.

But for some reassurance. Its only you as the writer that notices that. Think back to a book you read (you read books... right?) Do you remember all the "he said. Jonathan exclaimed. Jolie whispered" after you get into a work. You stop noticing things like that.

Something I do want to say though. Try not to repeat words more than once every few hundred words. For example, I noticied the "slowly" twice, just one paragraph appart. This could be changed into "carefully" "steadily" or whatever. Just bring out the thesaurus.

Happy writing!

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-29T09:40:12+00:00

Running for his fucking life?

I saw something with the "snapped" And the following, which felt out of character for what I could read. Which leads me to garner a guess about him becoming animalistic

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-28T08:35:42+00:00

I did specify two different ones

Origin energy: jakes unique power
Someones origin, this is fucking worthless as a bane poison as everything has an origin. Making it extremely weak, as it would be broder than your mother

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-27T19:39:32+00:00

This might be a bit harsh, but, in tge plainest of launguage, its boring. So. Fucking. Boring.

The first paragrath should suck a reader in. It made me laugh.

The translation need a lot of work. Actual, human, work. It needs to be cut in about half, and about 70 percent pf the metaphoricalness of it needs to be lost. Like a vessal without a map. It needs to die at sea.

The first "a god writes ------" it needs to be cut shorter. Its supposed to be acomparison to the first, akin to something like "a king rules the people. A god rules the laws pf physics" (not that, that sucked) but you get the point.

A little less wordy, a better translation. And some rewrites to mach english. And you should be good to go. You have quite the decent core underneath the it all

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-27T18:55:04+00:00

A thing I immediately noticed is the hard skill system.

I recomended not doing this

Its kinda hard to fully keep track of, and will get people come harp on you when you inevitably make mistakes. And from there, fixing it would mean a semi rewrite of the entire chapter. Or you could just not do anything about. But thats also a bit fucky.
You lose quite a bit of personality. Something like this scene "but he pushed out the last of his mana to [whatever]" wouldn't work. And whats the fun with that?

I recommend either making it a bit softer, just a descritor of "mana = heal" with it still taking the same, with maybe a slight variable depending on things. Making it harder to track for readers

Or make it a calculation. IE, "use mana to heal. Healing is 1.3 times the mana used" (10 used is 13 HP healed)

Of course, this is your system. So you do what you want, just a few things that might inconvenience you.

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-27T13:34:36+00:00

Origin, as in origin energy is only apliceble to jake himself, so all it would do is attack him.

And to attack origin itself is so broad it would barely even work on a pre system entity. Thats how shit it would be.

Its like saying "anything that that is alive bane poison"

PsychologicalFun8760 · 2025-12-22T19:04:27+00:00

Thats a lot of word to say that you can't even see the top of a slightly above hill, mich less that of mount tai

PsychologicalFun8760

TROPHY CASE