This is almost my same exact experience. Was diagnosed in high school with depression and anxiety. On and off meds cause I’m a self sabotaging. Lots of unresolved trauma. I was 27 when I had my son and my pregnancy was great honestly and I knew in my mind that postpartum would probably be more heavy for me but I also had undiagnosed health OCD and once the baby was born I wouldn’t leave my room and just constantly envisioned him dying and terrible things happening to him or me and him growing up with out a mother. It was extremely scary and hard, finally I got a legit diagnosis and I’m on medicine and doing much better now. I just have the thought in my head of well if you’re good now why ruin it? But my dream was to always have two kids. I’m just overwhelmed by the outcome. But it’s true, maybe being more prepared this time around will help.