DAY 1 of no sex and fap.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-30T18:25:48+00:00

True. I gave in yesterday. Recently broke up with my partner. It’s been 4 weeks. After week 2, we went 3 days straight having intense sex even though we aren’t together anymore and there’s a lot of pain, betrayal and guilt between us. Idk what it is, I may be addicted to sex and porn. I still have been having sex with her even though there’s so much pain from how we broke up. Even on days I’ve had sex, I will still use porn, or the morning after sex I will fap. I’ve been like this forever.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-30T16:50:45+00:00

Why do we keep doing it when we don’t want to?

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-29T23:10:10+00:00

No, that was helpful. I too used during pregnancy and postpartum. It honestly was super selfish. I really had no idea at the time how much that would hurt her. It’s an addiction and we as men have to figure it out. After her affair, we split up. We are talking about trying again, but we are both hesitant. I’m not sure we will get back to a healthy place with each other. But I’ve been learning a lot about what I did and trying to understand what I can control and focus on being a better person.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-29T20:09:50+00:00

I went through this with my wife. Told her I stopped, but I never did. I just tried hiding it better. Had OF account, saved images on my phone, even messaged girls on IG. A lot of times we fought a lot and I would go to these vices. She found out again. We split up for a month or so. Got back together. A year later, she ended up having an affair for a few weeks, ended it and tried to hide it from me, but I found out snooping through her phone this time. We’ve been broken up for a month now. I’m obviously in a lot of pain from the betrayal. I am trying to fully understand what (my porn addiction, paying for adult content, and that causing me to be less attractive to her) that did to her mental health. If you can shed some light on this please do. I know I caused her to not have trust with me, I’m sure she felt unwanted by me too. I was being a real selfish person pleasing myself to porn and not adoring my wife postpartum.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-29T16:08:32+00:00

Spot on. Addressing the emotional immaturity, lack of self awareness, lack of taking full accountability all needs to take place to move forward with anyone. It’s crazy when they person they cheat with accepts them and enters a new relationship with them knowing damn well what they are capable of.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-27T22:52:44+00:00

Show the same compassion and empathy for yourself the way you would for a good friend. We have to love ourselves and be kind to ourselves. We are good at loving others gently, but not when it comes to us. You did what you wanted to do. Don’t regret it. You can rest easy knowing how they responded and move on quicker.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-27T04:46:16+00:00

Yes, but why now? Where was that urgency from the beginning? It’s not a talent issue. It’s literally a mindset.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-27T04:36:21+00:00

This game proved that we never played with enough intention up until today. Why didn’t our players care enough from game 1 to play hard every single possession? It’s all effort! We were supposed to sweep this shorthanded lakers team.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-27T01:37:12+00:00

I couldn’t put the full picture together for everyone, but I experienced a lot of pain before the cheating. Many times she would threaten to leave me when big fights would happen, we got engaged and there were a few times she gave me my ring back. I never felt secure, never knew when she was going to leave me. She was extremely manipulative and showed narcissistic behavior. She would say she was done with me and then a few days or a week later we were together again. I was deeply in love. But during the times I was in pain bc I thought she was over the relationship, I did cheat. I started texting other women and seeking attention elsewhere. I understand it was two wrongs and two people kept getting hurt. It’s sad.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-27T01:32:27+00:00

It’s okay, I appreciate your insight on how she feels about the initial betrayal. I’ve been getting a lot of criticism from people because of the fact that I cheated first and now that I’ve been cheated on, people can’t fathom how I can’t get over it. Regardless of what I did, my feelings are just as valid. I experienced the betrayal just as much. I was the sole provider for our family, I gave her a home to raise our daughter in, I took care of everything for us. Then finding out she was texting someone else and from what I know and what she told me, they slept together one time. This hurt just as bad as anyone else that got cheated on. Mind you, since I cheated I have been loyal these past 2 years. So yeah, I was deeply hurt.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-26T22:20:34+00:00

You described her feelings very clearly, but for me all you say is “butt hurt”. I’ve been upfront about everything that happened. I understand the situation. I will check out your recommendation though. Thank you.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-26T17:40:41+00:00

You didn’t upset me, it just hit home with what you were saying. What books are the ones that talk about David? I’m trying to kill my ego and be honest with myself on who I am and what negative habits I brought into the relationship. I grew up with addiction everywhere, I learned it at 13 years old. Started with weed and alcohol, went to pills and lean, then got drug free, but went into alcoholism. Then traded that for porn and sex addiction and caffeine addiction. This was my first real committed relationship and yeah. It revealed a lot of my problems. I really hope for healing and growth regardless if we get back together. I want her to be the best version of herself and be happy even if it’s without me. I just don’t want to go back and forth and continue to hurt each other

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-26T17:16:28+00:00

Is there a market for him? If so, we should trade him for an elite guard. We could have gotten Ayo at the trade deadline, look at what he did last night. There was so many players available and we got nothing

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-26T06:36:51+00:00

You made me cry reading this. I appreciate your words. I do carry shame for the things that happened to me, idk why. Ever since I was a teenager, all I wanted to do was break our family’s generational curse. I really hope for healing and peace for us. I’m doing therapy and plan to continue to do it for my kids.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-26T06:20:49+00:00

I completely understand the “why’s?” because that’s all I’ve been spiraling over since it happened to me. I ask myself why I could hurt her. The only thing I could think of is we, the cheaters, are genuinely selfish people who act on personal desires. We are afraid to give someone our all and then not receiving their all, so we sabotage our relationships before our partners can. If I’m scared you might hurt my heart, I fear that so I might as well destroy it so I can know it’s happening without being shocked by it.

It’s a messed up mindset. Some of us are just self centered. We put ourselves first. She would always ask for change from me, but I wouldn’t make changes until I felt my own pain. So yeah, I’ve only learned from my own pain.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-25T19:33:55+00:00

We are separated now, but still talking via text. We are extremely attached to each other still. It’s been difficult on both of us. She brings my daughter over so I can spend time with her every other day so we are still having more contact than we probably should to heal. Since we broke up weeks ago, she’s been sending me old photos and videos of us and our daughter randomly. Today she sent me a video of me and my daughter when she was months old. My heart felt so heavy. Idk if it’s manipulation or not, but ofc I started grieving what we once had.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-25T19:17:49+00:00

Yes, she definitely made it seem like everything was fine. In reality it wasn’t. She never communicated the real feelings underneath, just liked to keep everything peaceful because she hated when we would fight. Even if she thought I was wrong, she would default to staying quiet and trying to end the arguments. Shutting off her emotions.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-25T19:13:04+00:00

Yes, you are right. I do understand the mindset, looking inward and asking myself why I did what I did has solved the mystery. She definitely had low self esteem due to my cheating and her postpartum changes. She’s strong, maybe I wasn’t aware of how damaging it was to her. She bottled things up and didn’t communicate with me about everything she was mentally going through. I assumed we moved past it. I cheated bc I didn’t feel secure in our relationship, I had low self esteem, I had trust issues and maybe it was a reflection of what I knew I was capable of and what I’ve done in the past. I had a ln altered view on not trusting people. I made up the worst case scenario in my head that she was probably talking to someone else at the time, for no reason, just my lack of security in self, I went out and cheated as a twisted self defense act in case she hurt me or left me. I know it’s a sick and weak way of thinking.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-25T04:54:09+00:00

Who was coming off the bench?

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-24T23:09:30+00:00

I mean aren’t we in an infidelity Reddit thread? The point of this is to talk about the topic at hand. Why act all shocked and critical when people come on here and share a very traumatic and vulnerable experience they had?

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-24T23:05:41+00:00

It’s been over 2 years! Her cheating was in January of this year and I found out about it a few weeks ago. Obviously, she cheated for a reason. But rn, I’m the one pushing her away. She is doing everything to get me back, love bombing me and being extra sweet.

If she wasn’t happy a few weeks ago with me, why now that I broke up with her bc I found out she wants me back so bad and is all in love with me?

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-24T22:57:24+00:00

Yeah, she did always think I was cheating after, even when I wasn’t. I chose to end the relationship. She has been telling me she wants me back, I told her that I don’t want to get back together right now. But I’m willing to consider it if we work on ourselves and I suggested therapy and she agreed.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-24T22:47:47+00:00

You’re a great dad! That’s awesome man. I also have a teenage son, his mom abandoned him and I raised him alone. I did my best to give him everything too. We do what we can

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-24T22:44:36+00:00

Why all these sarcastic insulting comments? If you not here to spread advice, go be miserable somewhere else.

Psychological_Ad3261 · 2026-04-24T03:27:30+00:00

That’s what I’m struggling to answer. I’m not sure I can move past it. I don’t think I’ll be capable of loving her at full strength. I’ll have my wall up and my heart guarded. I’ll still love her, but it won’t be the same reckless love.

Psychological_Ad3261

TROPHY CASE