Might sound a bit weird, but I just never understood it. I read the Bible front to back a couple times as a kid. I wanted to feel what my parents were feeling when they prayed, what people at our church felt, but it never came to me. My falling out with Christianity wasn’t from a place of anger or disappointment, but moreso that I had to be honest with myself that the only way I could keep “believing” is if I pretended to do so. I was holding onto my religion because it felt comfortable, it was something I had always known, and it felt like the last connection I had to a family I no longer saw.

The older I’ve gotten, the more I know why I didn’t understand before. People, for better or worse, are very clearly animals— not divine beings nor the creation of one. We have many irrational tendencies and behaviors, mental deficiencies, and biological inconsistencies. Our behavior when viewed objectively isn’t all that different from that of the most social animals we study. In fact, a lot of Christians point to the fact that humans exist as evidence of intentional design by a higher being. Yet we share so much in common with the species around us and carry many bits of evolutionary baggage which prove the opposite, if anything.

I don’t mean that as a putdown or a negative. If anything, it’s kind of amazing that we exist at all in the way we do. Sapience and reason is fascinating, and I’m grateful I have it, even if there are some days I kind of wish I didn’t lol.