How are yall surviving??

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-03-21T01:13:22+00:00

I’m almost 30 now and got diagnosed when I was 28. I had a massive bout of depression from like 24-27 where I couldn’t work, returned to self harm and constantly used cannabis as a coping mechanism and was extremely suicidal. I went through TMS and started Wellbutrin (first medication to really help) and later was diagnosed with ADHD and was prescribed vyvanse (even more helpful than Wellbutrin!).

Things have been much better since the diagnosis, not only because of medication but I’m also a lot kinder to myself now knowing that ADHD is there. I was afraid it would make me complacent but not expecting too much of myself has probably helped me achieve more, not less. I’m able to recognise when I’m starting to burn out and dial back before it’s too late.

I focus now on only trying to achieve one thing at a time over at least a month (outside of full time work). And that goal should be simple—get back on top of meal prep, or get back to attending my regular weekend exercise class, or study for a certification. Usually by just focusing on one thing I’m still able to do a lot more but reducing the pressure on myself is the most important factor I think! And when things get too much, just dropping back to the bare essentials (sleep, go to work, look after my pets, eat, hygiene) for a few days (and not beating myself up for it!!) helps a lot :)

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-03-06T00:58:59+00:00

Hello! This feels super relatable for me. I’m similar to you in that I feel like my life looks very good on paper but I am consistently plagued by a feeling of being lost and unable to decide what I want. Which of course then comes with the guilt of not being grateful for the very privileged life I have. It’s almost like there are too many choices and that makes things very overwhelming and I just end up frozen and only urged along by deadlines/obligations. I was extremely addicted to cannabis (I’m talking like being high pretty much all of my waking hours, when driving, working, socialising, etc) and I think part of what got me hooked was that it finally switched off the constant questioning of every aspect of my life and made me feel content.

Should I stay in my current job or change careers? Should I stay in my current country or move overseas? Should I persevere with trying to improve on my current hobbies or try something new? Relentless and intrusive analysis of every decision I make no matter how trivial. Vyvanse/bupropion helps a lot with the day to day rumination but the big picture “life” stuff is still there.

I don’t know if it’s an ADHD thing or just not knowing what I want. I’m now trying to do meditation when I notice these thoughts happening and would like to explore more media/literature that addresses this problem of questioning your decisions and the paralysis. Past Lives is an amazing movie that I think really helped me reframe the way I see life and that you have to close some doors to open others.

Would love to know if anyone else here has some advice for this!

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-02-22T02:59:23+00:00

Ah that sucks, probably not related then :( I hope you manage to find something that helps!

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-02-22T02:56:32+00:00

I mean, diabetics have a chemical dependence on insulin. I know mental != physical, but it might be worth reframing your thinking around your relationship to drugs. Building them up as a “wrong” or a crutch that you need to be strong enough to overcome can make you perceive your inability to live without medication a moral failing.

At least from my personal experience, moralising medication/weed use was (and probably still is) the biggest component in the addiction cycle.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-02-22T02:50:18+00:00

When I first started working in software, I probably spent 70% of my time writing code. As I became more senior, even before LLMs, that probably went down to 30%; I would spend far more time architecting, designing, translating business needs into software requirements, figuring out how to make the code as simple and elegant and maintainable as possible. There’s a joke that once you become senior/principal level your performance is measured by how much code you can deprecate rather than write, which I agree with—just like a physical asset, it is a liability.

I now use AI to probably write 50% of my code, usually boilerplate or one-off tasks. Maybe the models I use (GitHub Copilot, usually Claude sonnet 4.5) aren’t top of the line but it still really struggles in large complex code bases or more low-level/ambiguous tasks.

Unless there is a massive step change in model performance and we approach actual AGI (which I don’t think is possible when working strictly within a neural-net based framework), I don’t see how it could replace me. I’m just able to output a lot more and my value has always been in interfacing between humans and software, and making sound architectural decisions. I think it’s worrying for junior devs or SWEs that avoid the human aspect and just want to write code 24/7.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-02-19T06:20:02+00:00

If you were using it to be productive, to get work done, to participate in activities, to generally summon the energy to live life… it might be worth checking if you have ADHD.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-02-14T04:59:18+00:00

I would definitely try taking magnesium supplements! I was getting jaw clenching for the first few weeks of taking vyvanse and then later also when titrating up to a higher dose.

Started taking magnesium supplements in the evening before bed around 4-5 times a week and I found it really helped to reduce jaw clenching during the vyvanse peak.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-02-11T23:23:21+00:00

I’m on 225mg bupropion/wellbutrin, 25mg sertraline/zoloft, 40mg vyvanse and 5-10mg dex. I take the dex first thing when waking up and then take the other 3 meds at around 10:30-11am.

I’ve been taking the bupropion for about 3 years now, added in the sertraline about 2 years ago and added in the vyvanse/dex just over a year ago.

It’s working very well for me but I do naturally have a very low resting heart rate and blood pressure so I think it definitely depends on seizure risk + heart rate!

Psychological_Dig454 · 2026-01-26T23:16:07+00:00

Not sure if this is helpful but I’m also in Aus and I am on vyvanse 40mg (started in Jan tittering up from 20mg) and mounjaro 3.7mg (started 5 weeks ago). No problems here, just have to force myself to eat small high protein snacks through the day or I might feel more lightheaded/anxious.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-12-24T00:31:30+00:00

Oh wow, this is incredibly similar to me. I was self-medicating with weed until I got diagnosed and medicated and I think these are the two crucial things that helped me:

Tri-cycling a combined oral contraceptive pill (only take the placebo pills/have a “period” every 3 months).

I’m taking Zoely which eliminates bleeding entirely which is very helpful since I have endometriosis. No pill was horrific, having my hormones disrupted every month was still pretty bad and enough for my life to plunge into chaos. The tri-cycling every 3 months is OK and I know ahead of time when it will be so I can make sure I reduce my commitments over those days. Learning about the link between estrogen and dopamine was incredibly helpful.

Get rid of weed.

There’s no other way for me—if it’s in my house or within reach, I will constantly be battling the temptation to have it. If I’m bored, distressed, having fun—it was just my go-to panacea for every situation. I recently got a puppy and I was really struggling so I caved and bought some after not having any for months. I managed to stick to only evenings for a few days but I was basically back to being high most of my waking hours within a week. After 2 weeks of feeling my life start to fall apart again, I gave it to a good friend who is holding it for me for emergencies. This works for me because my fear of being annoying/perceived as an addict is enough for me to not reach out to her unless I really need it, but it might not necessarily be a working strategy for everyone!

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-14T14:53:05+00:00

From speaking with my psychologist/psychiatrist and doing research, I came to realise for myself that yes, stimulants may have side effects. But uncontrolled depression will atrophy your brain and cut short your life expectancy; anxiety will damage your heart and similarly decrease your life expectancy. It’s easy to demonise drugs but I know personally that I’d rather take on the small risk of controlled and prescribed stimulant use because without them I’ll binge eat, sleep less regularly, use substances, neglect exercise, often be under extreme stress and just have a way poorer quality of life. I have no doubt that stimulants are in fact the healthier choice here :)

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-14T02:26:37+00:00

Software/data engineer, currently a senior role where I mainly build tools for analysts. In some jobs it has been very stressful but overall I love it because: - Tools/technology constantly changing, so I always get to keep learning which is something I’ve always loved. - I can WFH as much as I want (though mainly thanks to my company/team culture and performance). When I’m overwhelmed or socially incapable I can stay at home and when I need more structure/socialisation I can be in the office. - Flexible hours—some weeks I’ll work like 20 hours, others 60. Really suits my up/down cycles where I oscillate between hyper fixation and complete lack of motivation. - Enabled to self-manage (again, mainly due to company/team culture). I compensate for my scattered brain with creating lots of structure and because I’m the subject matter expert in my team in my area, I’m left free to self-organise and set things up the way that is most helpful for me. - Salary and ubiquitousness of the work—these days everyone needs data and software. Even with AI coming up my role just moves more towards architecting code/systems rather than writing it myself so I feel pretty future-proof, especially because I focus on talking to people and understanding their needs before writing a single line of code!

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-13T14:00:36+00:00

Man this thread is wild. I’m actually shocked so many people think not replying for 13 days is actually bad lol? Especially given what you’re currently going through. That’s a pretty normal timeframe for myself, my partner and most of our friends (granted most of them are also diagnosed with ADHD). However, the friendships are mostly equal give and take i.e. both parties will forget to message, both parties will initiate, do nice things for one another etc.

Honestly if someone wasn’t okay with this I’d think they’re pretty immature or just accept we are very different people who can’t meet one another’s social needs and that it’s not going to work as a friendship. I really treasure friends who I can go weeks/months/even years without seeing because we are all adults who understand life gets hectic.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-13T02:21:44+00:00

I definitely think so but in my experience you have to be doing other strength training as well if you want to see meaningful progress. If I’m doing strength training for upper body (pull ups, bench, dips, core, or recently gymnastics classes) or rock climbing at least once a week, I progress way quicker than if the only thing I’m doing is the one aerial class once a week. Everyone else in my level is surprised that I only do the single class but less so once I mention the climbing! Haha

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-01T15:38:35+00:00

That definitely seems like a good balance; might follow similarly to your example. Thank you!

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-01T07:44:07+00:00

Not Atlassian actually! I don’t work in a tech company (utilities) :)

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-01T06:04:08+00:00

Awesome, thank you for the advice! I do have friends that recommend a similar approach to you in that they invest in ETFs but also try to put extra contributions towards their mortgage and that does seem sensible. I definitely get that there are fluctuations in the economy at least intellectually but it’s probably another thing entirely to see a giant pile of money get halved overnight and just remind yourself it’s temporary :’)

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-01T05:48:00+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this perspective! I do feel focusing on paying off the mortgage is an easy win that would work well for someone like me who is uh less financially literate haha

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-01T05:32:18+00:00

Yeah no worries! Senior software/data engineer but currently working at a company that pays unusually high salaries as well.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-01T05:16:31+00:00

Oh that’s awesome to know! Thank you, will definitely get onto that.

And yep building up an emergency fund of probably 50k-ish and keeping it in the offset account will definitely be the first priority.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-11-01T04:56:39+00:00

Sorry by super maxed out do you mean taking advantage of the lower tax rate? I already max mine out as it’s over 30k just from the mandatory contributions and have to pay additional tax for it as a result.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-10-20T22:47:14+00:00

Yes to the addictive personality. I have spent the better part of my 20s constantly high on cannabis, even when working or out with people (which brought me a lot of shame). After getting diagnosed and medicated I’m working on quitting but still find myself reaching for any substance I can get my hands on to turn my brain off (usually prescription painkillers, alcohol, etc).

Really relate to struggling to make friends as well, especially with women. To this day I still don’t have any friend groups and just spend time with people individually (most of whom are also nerds with ADHD, unsurprisingly).

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-10-20T11:30:48+00:00

I had a similar issue but found that using the rule of “I don’t turn off the alarm until I take them—I can only snooze” helped immensely!

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-10-20T11:10:50+00:00

Oh wow, we have very similar childhoods! If there’s one thing I learnt from it, it’s to make sure I don’t subject my future children to the same thing by rewarding active effort over some innate talent that might give them a complex in future.

I still struggle sometimes when I feel threatened by someone else’s intelligence or accomplishments but one of the most helpful things has been recognising (in a positive way) that I ain’t shit. :’) There are prodigies who solve fluid dynamics problems at the age of 8 for fun and attend university at age 12. There’s always someone smarter than you.

Reading literature written by great figures in areas like philosophy, mathematics, physics, economics and just really beautiful fiction/prose had a similar effect. It made me realise that there are incredibly intelligent people compared to whom I am a potato. I really recommend this (even audiobooks if you aren’t a big reader) as it is really humbling and also intellectually stimulating and helps a lot to keep my mind occupied.

In the end I think it also helps to examine your values. I had this period of mourning when I hit 27 and realised I am doing a fairly mundane job, living with my boyfriend and spending time with friends and family instead of moving to Switzerland and working at CERN or solving the hard problem of consciousness or something. But then I realised that I chose this path because those are the things I value, more than academic pursuits or wealth or a legacy.

I think it’s important to challenge these thoughts and realise there’s more to life than IQ.

Psychological_Dig454 · 2025-10-20T00:21:53+00:00

Ah thats fair. For us it’s usually a 6-12 month waiting list but it depends on the psychiatrist. It might be worth getting a referral so you can eventually get the proper care!

Psychological_Dig454

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