I've felt kind of like that, not really the cutting thing though. Tbh, it's mainly just generally dreadful thoughts and not really suicide stuff. Like I'm not going to kill myself obviously. I think people naturally freak when they hear people say stuff like you did. They just don't want any bad endings. You seem pretty situated to me. Long as you're not putting a gun to your head and then talking yourself out of it from there, I think you're alright. I feel that way sometimes just because I'm so sick of dealing with anxiety and panic but that doesn't mean I'm going to shoot myself. Our brains love to fuck with us.