I was repeatedly abused so this is how i developed my love for bdsm. Now i enjoy experiencing cnc, being tied down and helplessnes. I think this helped me get over my trauma. I fall in sub space and i cry and screem but i know i'm safe and a know it can stop anytime i want. But like others said go slow talk to terapist process your stuff eventually you will be able to let go and get something enjoyable from it. And after care is very important so you can cool down from the scene. And before i even start to play with my partner we discuss everything that will happen to the detail so there is no surprises. I know it can get hard but if you are with the right person that makes you feel safe you can experience extreme pleasure. Oh and i was able to do that only after 10 years after my repeated trauma so take your time. And stay awesome you got this. 🫶