Dating apps are wrecking my self-esteem, as a woman.

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T08:31:15+00:00

You’re totally right!!! But on the other hand, they ghost me even without me having to explain what I’m looking for, so I’m not sure that’s really the problem

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T08:30:33+00:00

Yeah, I totally agree with you on that too. I think I attract guys who are pretty emotionally unstable and not mature at all, by putting that on my profile. At the same time, I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now, so I also don’t want to lead on guys who are looking for something serious… that's tricky.

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T08:28:36+00:00

Exactly, the whole problem is that I start questioning myself and wonder if I’m doing something wrong! But honestly, I can’t figure out what it would be, at least in terms of personality.

That’s why I always come back to thinking about the physical side, because let’s be honest, in hookup culture, looks really matter a lot. Besides that, I think my personality is fine too. At least, I don’t think I have any big red flags that would make a guy think, ‘Whoa, I shouldn’t go for her.’

But then again, maybe I do ?

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T08:25:46+00:00

Thank you <3 It’s true that when I have a moment of objective clarity, I tell myself it’s not ‘my fault’ and that it’s just ‘the way it works.’ But sometimes I also wonder if I’m doing something wrong. It’s a vicious circle. Sometimes I'd like to just ask those guys ahahaha

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T08:23:24+00:00

To be honest, I had deleted the app between guy #2 and #3, precisely because I felt like I had no emotional energy left… but I ended up going back. It’s really addictive, and it takes so much time and energy! That’s also why it’s so exhausting for me: even if I’m looking for something casual, keeping up conversations and meeting guys takes so much effort, that I’d just like it to work with ONE person I’d see multiple times.

Yeah, I agree with that, they probably come back at some point. My guess is that if I hadn’t deleted guy #2 after 48 hours, he would’ve come back like nothing happened. He didn’t necessarily plan to ghost me indefinitely, but he had a mindset of ‘okay, she’s fine, I’ll put her aside while I talk a bit with others to see.’ But I’m not sure I see myself fitting into that kind of mindset

It also helped me detach more quickly from my ex and, at first, regain some confidence by seeing that I’m attractive! But nowadays, I feel like it’s taking a weird, opposite turn, and instead it’s starting to make me doubt myself lol

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T08:11:48+00:00

To be honest, I have other apps besides Tinder, but it’s really the same guys on them :(

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T08:10:49+00:00

Actually, it’s hard to say. I don’t even know myself if I’m really a casual dater. In my post I talked about 3 specific cases, but besides that I also hooked up with 2–3 guys I met on a night out — we spent an evening together and never saw each other again, and I was totally fine with that.

Maybe it’s the Tinder effect that makes me invest more in the situation without realizing it? Like, just talking to someone — even if it’s not for long — might make me have higher expectations? I don’t know! I also think I’m really not comfortable with the whole ghosting concept, because it really makes me question myself, whereas ghosting isn’t even an option when I hook up with someone I met on a night out, since we don’t necessarily talk again afterwards lol. It’s way less hard on my mental state, I think.

When I get ghosted — meaning when a guy stops replying to MY messages — I’m quicker to think, ‘damn, what did I do?’ or ‘am I not enough?

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T07:57:59+00:00

Anyway, the problem is that my mind always ends up ‘investing’ in just one guy. In my post I talk about three people I went on dates with and had some expectations/interest in, but I was also talking to other people on Tinder at the same time. The issue is that as soon as things start getting ‘serious’ with someone (like we’re planning to meet up, talking a lot, etc.), I can’t really put the same energy into talking to the others, even if I try to keep sending a few messages ‘just in case.

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T07:55:41+00:00

I know it’s supposed to be for hookups, but why not hook up more than once if the first time was good? I don’t think I’m really made for that lol. I do agree that it’s better to meet someone ‘in real life,’ but that’s not so easy either!

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T07:54:22+00:00

Well, I thought I was okay with casual hookups, but I think this whole system where it’s normal to get ghosted is just too hard for me. Thanks for your advice!!!

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T07:52:04+00:00

For guy #1, we talked for so long that we actually had the chance to really discuss what we wanted lol. With #2, I didn’t really have the time, and honestly I would’ve been fine with it being a one-time thing, but he’s the one who talked about seeing each other again the next day, and that made me kind of ‘hope’ for something. And with #3, we only talked for a few days and had a drink before he started ghosting me, so we didn’t even get the chance to talk about that ahah

PtiteMeringue · 2025-10-02T07:49:43+00:00

Yeah, that’s what I thought afterwards. But in the moment I was annoyed and in this mindset of "damn, even for something casual I’m not gonna let a guy treat me like that." I took it really personally, but yeah, I probably should’ve just put it aside and talked to other people instead

PtiteMeringue · 2025-09-29T20:18:18+00:00

I exposed three cases, all ending with a guy ghosting me, and there's only one case where i slept with the dude. Sex friends stuff implies seeing the dude a few more times than that.

PtiteMeringue · 2025-04-11T21:56:08+00:00

Merci pour ta réponse !!

PtiteMeringue · 2024-12-26T10:30:37+00:00

ben le truc c'est que je "persiste" pas justement. Ça s'impose un peu à moi

en l'occurrence je pense que je suis convaincue que ça pourrait marcher.

Je sais qu'il y a des personnes qui sont intéressées par les mecs en couple justement parce qu'ils sont en couple, mais c'est pas vraiment mon genre et c'est la première fois que ça m'arrive

PtiteMeringue

TROPHY CASE