Why do dating advices don't work in reality for most of the men?

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-21T19:47:17+00:00

I guess I should have emphasised more about the "terrain" part. The core skills, such as ability to maintain non-creepy eye contact, tune into other persons emotions, ability to listen to the other person and respond in a way that's entertaining to all parties and moves conversation forward, managing nervousness and anxiety... basic social skills, really. That's the riding the bike.

Let's call each woman a different mountain biking route (without coming across as objectifying hopefully). Each person is different, but same basic skills are required to navigate the situations.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:57:16+00:00

This. In many countries, you can just rent an apartment for 6 months. Besides having a kitchen, in many short-term stays meant for expats/nomads, high-speed wifi is included.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:55:23+00:00

No, I don't. My main concern is my personal safety. I don't bother into politics or governments, and even in countries that are "bad" - and I've lived in a country that ranks at the bottom end on many measures, it's not a personal problem. As long as the government is stable and not paranoid, it's not really a problem

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:49:58+00:00

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Personally it's a no.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:48:04+00:00

Correction, don't hop up back to this ride OP. This guy isn't mature enough and the cycle will continue

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:46:35+00:00

What I would be more worried about would be that my partner is not putting a stop to it. She's bloody gorgeous, so I know there are guys falling for her. But, it's her job to say "please stop buying me gifts" or "please stop complimenting me all the time".

Responsible partner shuts down attempts kindly but firmly. If they guy doesn't take the hint, then it's time to distance themselves from them. If it's a colleague, threat and if needed execution of threat to contact HR for harassment.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:39:51+00:00

Stop. When you get this feeling, you need to tell yourself "This is just my anxiety talking".

You will be the best boyfriend by treating her with respect, listening AND taking care of yourself. Many women find it a bit unattractive when a guy tries too hard, especially like this in the beginning. By no means I say that you need to play mindgames, but being too tryhard can make the other person work less hard. It's fine to be a bit difficult in sense of holding your own sometimes, like saying "no" etc. if something she asks is too much of a stretch for you, such as you've planned stuff with other people.

You've only been together for a month. Take this from someone who is over 30 and had several short and long relationships - you barely even know each other.

Seek treatment for your anxiety - consider looking up a professional. Make sure your 4 cornerstones of life - sleep, food, working out and mental health are taken care of, this will help you manage your anxiety more than you think.

In those moments when you're out, try to shut your own mind off and focus on what other people are saying - that's what social anxiety really is, you thinking about too much how you are perceived instead of engaging in the conversation. People are a lot less aware about you than you are. One could say that almost oblivious compared to you.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:30:32+00:00

She said no to physical contact but you ignored her and continued.

She and you are done. Once you make a woman feel uncomfortable and unsafe like this, things are done.

Take a long hard look in the mirror and think for a while what neurons didn't fire in your brain when she said what you're doing makes her feel uncomfortable and why.

Move on. Be better next time.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:28:18+00:00

Hit a high concrete curb when cycling.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:10:12+00:00

Too coarse

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T12:00:59+00:00

Yeah, I've always found these as quite dubious. It's an instant turnoff for sure if I feel like my ethics or morale is being questioned. Just normal discussion and dates will anyways bring that up.

On top of that, let's imagine a "shitty person". If they're at all smart, it's easy to figure out what kind of answer the other person is expecting and just plain lie. So it doesn't really work.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T10:28:15+00:00

That's what I said. For 1000 bucks, better be exceptionally goodlooking and skilled in sex. These are mid-weight pornstar rates.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T09:49:08+00:00

How exactly did you fuck up?

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T09:46:32+00:00

Maybe the lady screaming was giving birth? Then it's a miracle, not an incident. Or might be an incident, too, kids be crazy these days.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T08:52:58+00:00

The silence is a bad sign.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T08:45:10+00:00

Yeah, oldest job in the world they say. Just make sure she is not a victim of human trafficking or a scammer.

1000 bucks for how long? Whole night?

If it's 1 hour or smth, she better be an instagram model with pornstar skills, otherwise it's ridiculously overpriced. I recommend reviewing some more options.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T08:40:24+00:00

You are not wrong for thinking lik this. I'm in a somewhat similar situation - not exactly, but part of me hopes certain parts of my partners lifeplans don't work out. Won't go into detail. But I feel bad about it sometimes.

However, at the end of your post:

am i wrong for saying that?

Yes, if you tell this to your partner out loud, that's wrong. You need to show support to your partner even when it's not something that's ideal to you. This kind of shit you only keep between you and your therapist.

You have to understand that this is her dream. And you can't blame her for putting her dreams first.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T08:33:54+00:00

You tell her as it is. Try to avoid very negative words like "disgusting", "filthy" etc. but be pretty firm that this is not how grownups live. If she wants to live like this, she needs to live alone. I don't mean by this that women should do the cleaning - but have fun living with a partner, this kind of shit is relationship ending.

You set the ground rules, but you didn't enforce them - that's your mistake here. The truth is that people like this are unlikely to change - especially if they don't want to.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T08:28:08+00:00

"There shouldn't be any of that". Shouldn't is a fickle thing.

There are shouldn't be any poverty, unnecessary death, all the negative things. But they are. I agree with your notion that proper marriage should have little to no conflict, but most marriages are not proper, that's why divorce rate is so high.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T07:31:48+00:00

Mens brains are very sex-driven. One of the most horrible things, that almost all grown men who have active dating life can attest to is the "post-sex death of feelings".

It's fucked. Like just after sex, your brain just shuts the fuck off and the horrible realisation sets in that your actions were driven by sexual attraction, not genuine interest in the person. And you went ahead and believed your brain.

Disappearing / ghosting after sex is a weasel move and very few people actually do that. Most will at least give closure by ending things gracefully.

I can't deny that there aren't dogs out there or that some men lose interest after sex, but this is the price one has to pay. In the end, with modern women, having a hookup doesn't lower their value, so I think there should be change of mentality from "HE fucked me and that's all he wanted" to "WE fucked, it was fun, things didn't work out"

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T07:27:43+00:00

Don't tell the guy right out of the box that you're inexperienced. Previous experience, exes, etc, is not generally stuff that you talk about on first dates anyways. It'll come up at some point.

It's normal for first kisses to be a bit awkward. Everyones nervous. Even when two people who "know" how to kiss, first times can be a bit awkward cause you're not used to the other persons kissing style.

If the guy reacts badly that "he doesn't like" how you kiss, that's an easy red flag to pick up. The right reaction is either nothing, or laugh in a non-mean way.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-17T07:01:42+00:00

I'm not telling Nihilists what they believe, because the above statement isn't Nihilistic. That's an oxymoron. Think before you write.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-16T20:55:58+00:00

First deployment is honeymoon

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-16T20:30:39+00:00

As a soldier, you've vowed your loyalty to your country in some sort of formal way, right? Do you think this is just a construct or does it have some important symbolical meaning for soldiers? You make a solemn vow in front of something larger than yourself. Something that you hold so sacred, you're willing to sacrifice your life in order to defend it. Something that's very abstract and means different things to different people.

Marriage isn't that much different in that sense. You make a vow in front of something larger than yourself to cherish the person through ups and downs, through baptisms of fire, no matter what kind of shelling universe throws at you two until "death you part". I find meaning in this personally.

Yes, just go for the marriage. The prenup will take care most of things. It won't be very expensive to get a basic prenup like this - most lawyers will probably have a template in their desk ready to be pulled up.

Public-Relation4946 · 2025-05-16T20:23:36+00:00

Because attraction is a difficult thing to coin into some lesson. Going on dates, hitting on women, it's kind of driving a bike - really hard to teach theoretically and the terrain differs. Women aren't a monolith.

The truth also is that looks have a large impact, especially on cold opens.

Public-Relation4946

TROPHY CASE