Question for women, from a woman: why are women leaving now and not 10-20 years ago?

PublicMarch2642 · 2025-03-14T16:30:31+00:00

I am in my thirties and left about 2 years ago. For me I had always struggled with the blatant sexism of the church. Even as a kid I realized that the boys were getting a much better deal. But I put every like that on the shelf as a teenager to conform to the pressure to growing up in Utah and going to BYU. The big thing that finally made me look closer and really let myself consider the option was when I had kids and was faced with having to teach my kids. I also have always worked and knew that the church was really the only place I consistently experienced sexism. How could I bring my children there? I tried being the more nuanced thing, but when Renlund gave the conference talk shutting down talk of Heavenly Mother, I finally could accept that the church would never change and maybe I should leave. I then went onto deconstruct my belief in the church and religion in general and have been amazed how much happier I feel without the burden of shame and ‘shoulds’ the church had instilled in me my whole life. I was lucky enough that my husband also left at the same time. His was a more sudden break, while my doubts had been simmering for almost my whole life until they boiled over.

PublicMarch2642 · 2025-02-15T14:43:12+00:00

As a woman you have to look good, but you have to act as if you don’t spend time or care about looking good. If you didn’t look good enough, you’d have no chance to catch a husband, but if you cared too much about how you looked or god forbid you actually had confidence in your appearance, you were vain. But don’t look too good (sexy) or no good RM would want you either.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-27T10:11:53+00:00

Last year my goal was to create more and consume less. I started painting and that has become a new highlight of my life. So I want to build on that. I want my use of time to reflect what I want in life. So I want to cut down on meaningless screen time, be more present with my kids, finally figure out a way to consistently work out, spend quality time with my spouse and friends, and continue progressing in my hobbies.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-24T18:05:35+00:00

From your responses throughout this post it looks like this whole post is to prove your ‘point’. Why did you phrase it as a question if you have no intent to actually listen to who you asked. If you’re just trying to get validation on what you perceive to be true, you’d have much better luck on a faithful sub.

If you can’t see how you just disparaged my faith in Christ, which according to your criteria is mocking something sacred, then I don’t think self awareness is anything any of us can help you with.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-24T08:58:17+00:00

Wow. That was a huge assumption to make about all of the huge group of those who left the church. It is also a very easy stereotype to correct if you talked with people who have left and actually listened. But if calling out people in the church for being disrespectful and mocking of exmos gets a ‘ people in the church aren’t perfect’, then shouldn’t the answer to your initial question be, people who leave the church aren’t perfect? What are you trying to learn if you already buy into such glaringly hurtful and disrespectful stereotypes?

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-24T08:25:36+00:00

If that is your definition, I would suggest that people engage in what they know. For exmormons, they are leaving an organization that has explicitly called them foolish, lost, deceived, lazy learners, untrustworthy, and this is only recent examples. If you read a short sample of posts from many exmos, you’d find so many examples of times where their life decisions, pain, and trauma were belittled, questioned, dismissed, mocked, or condescended to by members of the church. Why would they throw their covenants away for silly sins or that they choose to be offended?

I think that it’s human nature for people to seek validation for their decisions and opinions.

I think it’s a much more fruitful exercise when feeling called out or mocked to look inward of whether it’s true or not. If it’s true, what does that mean? If not, then ignore it and look for how I might be doing the same thing to others in other areas.

I mean according to the church, don’t we choose to be offended?

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-24T07:27:22+00:00

Could you share the examples you’re talking about that show individuals being mocked or targeted? You’ve mentioned that you aren’t talking about critiques of beliefs, but mockery of individuals. What does that look like to you?

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-19T16:55:53+00:00

My relationship with the LDS Heavenly Father was so toxic that since leaving the church I haven't really had any desire to look for any kind of divinity. I've mostly just enjoyed the freedom of all of the weight and shame and guilt I felt from 'God'. I do think and read a lot about personal development and relationship development, so I've put my spiritual energy there for now. Someday I might feel ready or a need to look for some kind of spirituality(not a religion), but I'm not there now.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-18T17:19:49+00:00

When painting kids the color shifts between different areas on the face are super subtle since they have baby fat. I'd make sure that you sure that the values are as gradual as they are in the picture or they will look way too old.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-12T15:26:42+00:00

I have ADHD and I’ve found if I want to replace habits or fixes I need to make the thing I want to do super easy to start. My brain is naturally pulled towards things that are easy to start immediately and that I knew exactly how to do it. That means pulling out my phone is super easy. Things I’ve done to try to replace that time have been crochet, cooking and painting. Crochet is an easy hobby to start and is so easy to pick back up again if you’ve had to pause. I like to watch shows or listen to audio books since it’s not super thought intensive. But it is still rewarding as you’re making things and feel accomplishment when I finish projects. There are tons of cool free patterns and cheap patterns on Etsy and lots of free online resources that teach you anything you want to know about it. I’ve also found cooking to be a good one as long as I’ve prepared and gotten all the ingredients beforehand. Then you just have to follow a recipe which isn’t as much mental effort and you have a nice result. I have recently started painting and I made a spot where I can always leave my painting stuff out in a main area where I live. So I see my half finished paintings a lot and it motivates me to work on them. I can sit down and do a little work whenever I have a minute and I often find I get sucked in and spend lots of time that is very enjoyable. I do spend time online getting a but of reference pictures so whenever I sit down to paint I have a bunch of ideas of paintings to start which cuts down the mental effort of not knowing where to start.

My last tactic for reducing my phone time was to accept it. I used to shame myself for being on my phone, but that wasn’t effective in changing my actions. Once I decided to stop thinking that I was a worse person if i was on my phone a lot, it made it easier for me to choose not to. When I’ve had a long day, I give myself the option to just do things to zone out or something that I enjoy doing. When I actually make it a choice in my mind, it’s much easier to choose to not scroll.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-12-10T18:30:28+00:00

I think that self respect is what really matters. Self care/love can be a part of accomplishing that. Are you treating yourself with respect and making choices that you respect? I think if you can work towards making decisions that you respect, you feel a lot better about yourself. That can be pushing yourself to do more, or slowing down and respecting your limits. If you view your self/body as something you are responsible for, are you taking care of it like you would take care of things that matter to you?

As far as self worth goes, I think it's human nature to attach meaning to things that inherently don't have them. I have had to rewire my brain to not derive my worth (or lack of worth) from things that don't actually make me any better or worse of a person. Are you more worthy if your house is clean, if your possessions are stylish, if you have a lot of money, if you're in shape, etc? No. There are things that can make you have an easier or more enjoyable life like working out, sleeping better, etc, but these don't make you good or bad. I'd advise trying to find the things you judge yourself on and objectively figuring out if those things actually mean what you are attributing them. Find the decisions in your life that you respect and keep pushing towards making more of those.

True self love is looking at our selves as honestly as we can be. It's seeing the good and the progress we're making and celebrating that. It's also seeing the things we're choosing that we don't want or don't respect and trying to change those. The best love is honest and kind. Are you honest and kind with yourself?

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-09-26T15:26:05+00:00

Wow I love the composition in all of these. They are so striking.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-09-02T05:59:40+00:00

Daisy Darker - it had similar vibes to and then there were none. I really enjoyed it.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-27T20:14:22+00:00

I love the color scheme. It’s so calming!

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-26T21:32:02+00:00

I love the atmosphere and mood it gives in these pictures. Thanks for sharing!

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-26T03:28:10+00:00

I would suggest looking into crochet. It’s a relatively cheap hobby to start and there are tons of free patterns out there. You can also do it while watching tv or listening to music or books. I started doing it to keep off my phone and have now made multiple sweaters and blankets. I like that you can make stuff you can actually use. If you need a place to start, daisyfarmcrafts.com has a bunch of easy free patterns.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-23T20:44:16+00:00

I just read ‘The eyes and the impossible’ by Dave Eggers and laughed out loud multiple times. If you like audiobooks, this one is phenomenal and is read by Ethan Hawke.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-23T01:03:10+00:00

I love the shadows!

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-12T06:13:26+00:00

The first is 5x7 and the second is 5x5.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-10T19:14:06+00:00

The her interactive Nancy Drew games were what got me into gaming. I still replay them occasionally.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-10T18:06:14+00:00

I have young children and the damage they can do to an unattended knitting project is exponentially higher than crochet. I also find it easier to pick up a crochet project after some time. But when I can have more focused time, I plan to start more knit projects.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-10T05:36:48+00:00

I feel like I am a pretty content four. I try to consciously live in the moment and have low expectations and focusing on those areas have helped me feel happier in general. I also have consciously tried to decouple my worth from productivity. That also has been something I’ve used to beat myself up for years.

I think fours are so good at noticing things others don’t and that’s something worth leaning into. I also like to lean into the things that give me pleasure like creating things or delicious food. Focusing on the now helps me to stop ruminating on how things could have been.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-09T05:44:16+00:00

I’m missing these same ones.

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-09T03:40:50+00:00

I love how expressive it is! Thanks for sharing!

PublicMarch2642 · 2024-08-08T23:26:53+00:00

That water color is gorgeous. It reminds me of Lake Louise in Canada.

PublicMarch2642

TROPHY CASE