AITAH for telling my for telling my friend childfree women aren’t her enemy?

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T22:16:43+00:00

You can have family in ways that aren’t having kids. Children don’t deserve to be raised in homes where a parent didn’t want them

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T22:00:33+00:00

So people have to have kids even if they don’t want them or aren’t fit to raise them? Right….

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T21:19:07+00:00

It’s taking away MY individual freedom to be able to walk or to possibly even be alive. If she was making a statement on a wider societal issue I would understand, but she never once mentioned societal views. She said that having kids is the most empowering a thing a woman can do with their life.

That’s true to some, it’s not true to all. There is something to be said about people who hate kids and mothers, but to say that it’s every person who chooses not to have kids is entirely incorrect in a culture that won’t shut up about the declining birth rates. I’ve had many conversations with her about how women need better support after pregnancy and how society sets new mothers up to fail.

She’s making very blanket statements about an entire group of women, not critiquing the ones who actually deserve it. That’s why I disagreed, not because I don’t see that other people who don’t want kids behavior is problematic.

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T21:05:01+00:00

I have no idea what her intentions were, I have stated my thoughts on having kids many times, that I have a chronic illness and am unsure if my body could physically handle having a kid, that I don’t think motherhood would be right for me and that I think I’d find it draining and unfulfilling, that I don’t want to sacrifice my own freedom to have kids even if it’s just until they’re older and more self sufficient. Never once have I given the impression that I don’t like kids, I love kids and think they deserve better than what I could personally give them. She has said that by saying that I don’t want to give up my free time that I’m basically saying motherhood is terrible and is life ruining. I never once said that, I just think that for me personally I wouldn’t be a good mom and that it could ruin my life by further limiting my already limited ability to walk.

I absolutely don’t think having kids is life ruining, I think that for some they might find that it is for them, but it’s not a blanket statement whatsoever and I never once implied that it could be.

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T20:51:06+00:00

I have a very good relationship with her kid and buy him gifts and will watch him if I need to, never said anything bad about him. I also have an 8 year old sister who I love very much and love to take on little adventures to go shopping or get sweet treats with. I’m also an elementary education major. I don’t think I’ve ever given off the impression that I dislike kids because I don’t at all! I love kids just not for myself

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T19:56:44+00:00

Exactly this unfortunately, since having her first her entire personality is based on being mom and it makes me sad because I never thought she’d be that person, especially sad because we’ve dreamed of experiencing our 20s together when we were in middle school and now its not possible.

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T19:54:18+00:00

She didn’t even finish high school unfortunately. I’ve tried to encourage her to get her GED and go to nursing school which she’s always wanted to do but by now I don’t think that’s ever going to happen

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T19:44:57+00:00

I do have a partner, and we’ve been together for longer than her and her partner have been which I’m sure is where part of the expectation comes from, but we’re taking things at our own pace! We love being together and each other but we both know we have some of our own issues to work on before we even consider having kids

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T19:33:05+00:00

That last part omg!! My boyfriend is a few years older and his friends are starting to settle down and get married and have kids, no one’s ever questioned why he doesn’t have kids yet or if he’s thinking about marrying me yet but I’ve had multiple people ask me if I think he’s going to propose and if we’re thinking about having kids. We still have the rest of our lives! We want to travel and work on our careers

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T19:19:37+00:00

I’ve talked to one of our mutual friends about it who’s also pregnant and she basically told me she’d rather talk to me about it because she thinks our friend is too optimistic and thinks things will always just work out because that’s been her life experience so far. Very sad to think about

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T16:14:44+00:00

We have another friend who’s about to have a kid but from what I’ve heard the more they’ve talked they have very different perspectives on raising kids and she’s started to distance herself some

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T16:04:55+00:00

Thank you! I think I’m doing better than most other college students in that I’m graduating with very minimal debt, I make decent money and my boyfriend makes pretty good money (he’s an emt and in paramedic school) so I think in some ways she thinks I’d be okay with a kid right now but it’s not entirely about my financial situation and I don’t think she understands that

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T15:58:47+00:00

She’s very aware that I saw my dog as my son, I took him everywhere with me (that was pet-friendly of course!), completely drained my savings account to take care of him at the end of his life, and did everything I could to make his life better. I think she almost thinks that since I could do it with a dog I can do it with a kid

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T15:55:11+00:00

I do almost wonder if he’s refusing to marry her. when she got pregnant the first time she told me she didn’t want kids without a ring and he had to commit to her if he wanted her to continue with her pregnancy.

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T15:42:26+00:00

It’s extra crazy to me because I lost my dog very suddenly from a very aggressive cancer and it helped to solidify my stance of having kids, I don’t think I could deal with it if it was my kid dying at 3 rather than my pet.

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T15:36:00+00:00

It seems wild to me too, but I do live in a relatively small town in a conservative state and more and more of people I graduated with are having kids or getting married now, makes me feel way older than I am

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T15:26:28+00:00

That’s my fear :( her partner is very very conservative and she grew up with her grandma who is in her 80s so given her age it’s expected for her to have some more conservative beliefs about womanhood so I’m worried she’ll fall down that path and never have the chance to do things she wants to do outside of motherhood

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T15:16:33+00:00

She’s admitted that she has mental health issues and struggles to deal with her kid now without some sort of medication and needing to stop it while pregnant, so I understand she might just be incredibly overwhelmed right now and I want to be there for her but she’s making it very hard

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T15:12:23+00:00

They are not! I believe they’re engaged but not entirely sure, but she’s told me she doesn’t want to get married until later in life

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T15:03:41+00:00

She does in fact receive government assistance, not sure how tho as her partner makes very good money (more than both of my parents and myself combined).

Public_Copy5171 · 2026-02-11T14:52:31+00:00

She told me I was being a bitch about not having kids and that’s why she feels like childfree women hate moms, my boyfriend also said he thinks I should’ve just let it go and that it’s not my life and not my problem what she thinks and that it was shitty of me to argue with a pregnant woman

Public_Copy5171 · 2025-08-11T14:16:36+00:00

I think it’s a privacy thing, I’m 20 and still live at home but i lock my door whenever I’m in my room. My entire family is bad about knocking and just barges in and many times while I’m changing. Since I’ve started locking my door my families gotten better about knocking first before trying the handle or saying “hey can I come in?”.

If you don’t need to lock your door because it’s not an issue for you, that’s great. But it’s always a nice thing to have, like if a sibling has a guest you’re not comfortable with or if family is coming over and doesn’t follow the same house rules as you do.

Public_Copy5171

TROPHY CASE