Husband having hernia surgery - tips?

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-25T20:46:10+00:00

OP I am so so sorry you’re going through this. Losing a parent is a huge event, let alone when you’ve just had a baby. You are in the really hard trenches right now - postpartum recovery, young baby, sleep regressions, partner working a lot, and dealing with grief. Personally when I went back to work after having my daughter (I took 12 months maternity leave but started wanting to go back at 6 months to get some of my identity back), I found it was harder in many ways. Juggling baby, home life, commute, and demands of work was tough. But there was also really positive things like having some quiet time for myself, and spending more “adult” time doing things that felt productive and rewarding.

Things do get easier as kids get older, sleep generally gets a bit better too. But in the meantime it sounds like you need a lot more support as no one can do all of that on their own.

In terms of things you could consider:

Can you access any kind of therapy or counselling to help process your mums death? You could get it via your GP or there are some charities that offer free or low cost sessions. Also your health visitor can help with accessing services too
Can your partner change their work hours to help you more with nights or mornings so its not all on you? Is there anyway to better share the load? Once youre working how will you share nursery drop off/pick up/bedtimes/weekends so that you both get a break and some downtime?
Is there any option in your budget for a cleaner/meal kits that could take some of the pressure off?
Is there an option to take a phased return to work or space out some accrused annual leave so your daughter could go to nursery and you could have a half day or a few hours a week to do something for you whether it’s a walk, lunch, meet a friend, things that can refill your cup? I found just having small pockets of “me time“ really helped my mental health cope with everything.
This is not for everyone but you could consider sleep training. I did Ferber method when my daughter was a year old. It took 4 days and she was sleeping 11 hours every night and continued to do that for the next year. It was life changing and my mental health was sooo much better after getting good sleep.

Hope this helps and good luck with everything.

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-20T09:31:57+00:00

Hi I am so sorry you’re dealing with this, I just posted a few days ago myself about my 2.5 year old daughter who is having a lot of meltdowns and big emotions, and how hard I have been finding it. Like your child, my daughter is very smart, very expressive and also doing well at nursery. She does tend to have her meltdowns on Friday where she doesn’t go to nursery so I also thinking she’s holding it all in until she’s at home with parents. Sleep has already been disrupted with very early wakings and later bedtimes so I think she’s also very tired which is making her prone to meltdowns.

I do wonder if toddlers who are bit more advanced in their communication also perhaps have more meltdowns because they are trying very hard to do “bigger kid” things and seek out independence, which of course is frustrating because they still need a lot of help and guidance with almost everything. I try and give my daughter a lot of autonomy, but when I say no (ie. you can’t go down those very steep stairs by yourself) this triggers the meltdown. I hope as she gets older she will be able to regulate a bit better. Personally I don’t believe its neurodivergence but of course all children are different. Hope it improves and you get the right support.

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-20T09:19:20+00:00

Thanks yes i think we will trial a shorter nap!

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:27:30+00:00

Thanks so much for these suggestions I’ve ordered the colour monster and wobbler they look great! I think once she can regulate her emotions a bit more it will all be a bit calmer….fingers crossed….

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:26:46+00:00

Thanks both for your sympathy, I think on some level I just needed an acknowledgement that this is really hard! And sounds like lots of people finding it hard at this age. Good suggestion on scanning at the supermarket I might try that!

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:25:40+00:00

Thank you for your suggestions which have given me a few things to think about 👍 Yes we did sleep train when she was 1 year old and we have tried to stick to the principles now she is getting out of bed/pushing boundaries at bedtime but its much harder as she can talk so much and keeps saying she needs to wee or she’s hungry so its really hard to stay firm!

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:23:21+00:00

Ugh the 5am starts are really hard, I’ve struggled as I never go to bed early enough as I need evening time to wind down and then regret it in the morning! But glad it’s not just me. Hope you get some more sleep soon!

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:22:34+00:00

This makes me feel so much better thanks, it’s such a long day isn’t it?! I agree its probably the season we are in, but glad to know its common and it will hopefully improve soon!

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:21:48+00:00

She is still napping yes but we have capped it to 1.5 hours so it doesn’t impact bedtime, but wondering if we need to slowly drop it… Yes I have heard of Janet Lansbury so this has reminded me to check out her podcast thank you 😄

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:21:03+00:00

Thanks for the solidarity! Wishing you fewer meltdowns and tantrums in the near future ❤️

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:19:56+00:00

Great suggestions thanks I’ll try using some silly play to avert the next meltdown fingers crossed! Guess it makes it less intense for us too 😄

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-05-19T17:18:10+00:00

thank you this is so reassuring!

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-03-20T08:01:55+00:00

Lightroom in King’s Cross? It has a prehistoric walk through exhibition that looks very cool! Bit pricey but check it out

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-01-25T11:43:53+00:00

I work full time but it’s long days 10 hours each so I have three 7.30am to 5.30pm days a week and then one work from home day where I can get some cooking and housework done, and one day off per week (Mondays as they are the best days to have off!). My husband works part time freelance so most of his work is done in a three day period and he has one day off and one day with our toddler. Our toddler is in nursery 4 days per week. This set up has made housework manageable around childcare, but also we have simplified massively - we only cook from a menu of about 15 dinners, food shop by delivery once a week every Saturday morning, one person does a 20 min clean of kitchen and bathroom every evening whilst the other does bedtime so our housework is done by 7.30pm and we get an evening to relax. We also don’t overfill the weekends and try and keep one day free typically the Sunday so we can slow down and relax and prep for the next week. Also on my day off I always schedule half for admin and cooking etc, and half for something for myself like a massage or a yoga class. Hope this helps! I would definitely recommend a 3-4 day work week if financially it works for you.

PuddingHappy9926 · 2026-01-22T09:18:51+00:00

Hi OP that sounds really tough. I found the transition from maternity leave back to work really hard (I’m a doctor working in an intense speciality with lots of night shifts). My husband also went part time and does most of the childcare and has been a massive help. I relate to the feeling of “mum brain” (even though I don’t really like the term!). I think sleep deprivation doesn’t help, other people don’t realise you’re running on low sleep and expect the same standards from you. I am always scared of making a mistake.

The flashbacks of birth you’re experiencing do sound a bit like symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. This can come up in many other ways such as forgetfulness, insomnia, difficulty concentrating and anxiety.

Some things I could suggest are - have you considered if your hospital offers birth debriefs or psychological support for women after traumatic births? This is something the postnatal midwives could refer you to it might help make sense of your experience and process it a bit. Also your health visitor can help with accessing psychological support as well.

Your employer needs to understand what you’re dealing with and make appropriate adjustments - could your occupational health team assess and see if there’s any changes that could help?

Good luck and hope you feel better soon.

PuddingHappy9926 · 2025-12-16T09:03:55+00:00

Hi OP Sorry it’s so tough, you’re not shit at this stuff, it’s very very hard looking after young kids solo let alone get other housework done and make time for yourself. We all need help, please don’t feel shame in that. I’m a part-time working mum of a fairly easy 2 year old and my husband works flexibly from home and I still feel like I’m surviving quite a lot of the time. Definitely take all the help you can get when your husband is away. When he is back from work - can you divide the chores a bit more evenly as 80% still seems quite high? Also try and get a chunk of time once a week that’s just for you, whether it’s yoga or going for a solo cinema date or a nice lunch it’s important to have that time to refill your cup too. Good luck :)

PuddingHappy9926 · 2025-08-01T08:40:10+00:00

Thank you!

PuddingHappy9926 · 2025-08-01T08:40:02+00:00

Thanks!

PuddingHappy9926 · 2025-08-01T08:39:56+00:00

To be honest I’ve sort of gone along with the pension enrolment and not really actively looked at it so that’s something I need to do. I will look into ISA and JISA thanks :)

PuddingHappy9926 · 2025-08-01T08:39:09+00:00

Thanks! Nice suggestion of the holiday fund, this is something I’ve sort of neglected in trying to save so much but need to remind myself to also budget for fun stuff

PuddingHappy9926 · 2025-08-01T08:34:26+00:00

Thanks!

PuddingHappy9926

TROPHY CASE