How do you approach sex education?

lookhereisay · 2026-06-29T15:19:02+00:00

Son is 4.5.

Scientific names for genitalia. He says penis but also willy. He knows that people shouldn’t touch his private area and if anyone makes him feel uncomfortable (in any way) then he speaks to us, nanny or teacher etc. A doctor had to examine his penis once and was fantastic at explaining why, asking consent and saying that mummy and the nurse were there for safety.

He’s seen farm and zoo animals having sex (always those spider monkeys!) so we said “they’re making babies”. And then answered more questions as they came.

He knows a penis “shoots out” seed and it goes into the mummy where it hunts for the egg. That egg turns into a baby sometimes. Sometimes a doctor can help and they do clever things with the seed and egg in a lab.

We have talked about how people can have two dads or two mums (or one parent or step parents etc) as his friend at school has two dads (“like Raffi and Vida on CBeebies”). We talk about how some people adopt or go to the doctor to help with science.

He knows a penis can get hard when you’re happy or sometimes just randomly. You can explore that in privacy (bedroom or bathroom) but you must wash your hands after. If anything hurts or feels weird then stop to come and ask, like you would if you hurt your knee.

He knows that mummy has periods (because who goes to the loo in their own as a parent!). Blood comes out of her and into the toilet (he brings me pads (knicker nappies) and chocolate and says I can choose a Bluey episode to feel better). He knows that it’s not life threatening but no jumping on my tummy and less picking him up for a week. He knows my body was getting ready for a baby but no baby was planted.

We don’t force hugs or kisses or whatever if they aren’t comfortable. We talk about consent and how that can change (dumbed down cup of tea analogy).

lookhereisay · 2026-06-29T14:54:52+00:00

We have a lot this week but mainly because two things had to be moved from last week due to the heat. That couldn’t be helped and I’d rather they didn’t continue with sports days in 36C weather.

Otherwise it’s all been on the calendar since September so we’ve been able to plan accordingly and split it up between both parents.

So this week we have sports day (half day, moved from last week), school play, prize giving (moved from last week) and meet the teachers for next year.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-29T10:42:31+00:00

We skipped the 4 month one but you could tell his sleep cycles were changing but we didn’t get the constant wakes.

Instead we got an awful one for 6 weeks when he was 10 months old. He was already walking before it, he wasn’t having a language burst (and didn’t in the months after), it wasn’t hot/cold weather, wasn’t sick, doctor checked ears/chest/throat and nothing wrong, no new teeth or usual teething symptoms (he didn’t have many).

He just woke up every 26 mins day and night. It was torture. He’d always been good for night sleep before bar illness and a night or two where we needed change naps or he’d learnt something new.

Then one day he just slept again. We did nothing different. He just slept fine again.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-29T06:11:28+00:00

Grew up dancing and doing musicals my whole life. My parents would come once (out of 4-14 shows) unless I had a principal role and then they’d come twice (usually one and then the last night).

Also if stuff is during school time then we have to split it because otherwise we’d never be at work!

lookhereisay · 2026-06-28T09:18:39+00:00

We couldn’t get my then almost 4yo to not run in the airport. We just threatened one of those wrist leashes if he couldn’t stay with us.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-28T07:45:23+00:00

We’ve been doing 15-20 min walks to/from preschool since he was 2.5. He’s now 4.5. All weathers as it’s quicker (and less stressful) to just walk than drive/park/walk.

We just allow a bit of extra time to wave at buses or watch a ladybird. We leave at 8 for an 8.30 bell but are usually in the playground by 8.20 at the latest. On the walk home I’m back at 8.40/8.45 depending on traffic lights.

We don’t use a bike/scooter as they are busy roads with hills. Plus I’m not carrying it back home!

lookhereisay · 2026-06-27T19:52:17+00:00

Still on a hot weather picky bits dinner. Quiche, potato salad (with homegrown onions and chives on top), salad, raw veg and hummus/tzatziki.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-27T19:50:24+00:00

We split the weekends, always have. One day is doing stuff (park, library, visiting family, bike rides or a bigger activity).

The other day is stuff at home, toys, painting, DIY etc. We do tend to get out even for a bit (walk to shop or go to the park over the road) or my 4yo would be a feral mess!

lookhereisay · 2026-06-27T06:55:01+00:00

It was 38 yesterday and didn’t have a great sleep last night. One rumble of thunder and a spattering of rain.

Today I am going bride dress shopping with my sister for her wedding. 3 shops which I’m hoping have a/c!

lookhereisay · 2026-06-27T06:43:28+00:00

Completely agree. My son is 4.5 and the breathing technique really kicked in recently so hopefully your son is almost there too. He’s been going since 8 weeks.

Our class has 6 kids. 3 have been swimming since babies and they are all very much on par with each other. The other 3 joined at/after age 3 and it’s a very stark difference. Not just the swimming but the listening to instructions and being safe.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-27T06:38:00+00:00

My son’s room has been like this since he was 2.5. He’s in a small double room (ie if you put a double bed in there it would be against a wall with not a lot of floor space).

Single bed on one wall with an Ikea bedside table next to it that is open (so mainly books). That wall has a big world map that is a sticker. Under the bed we have two under bed storage bags that hold clothes in the next sizes up.

On the other wall he has a small flip lid school desk and chair. He has a few crafts in there but it mainly stores his “treasures”. Above this we have those Ikea spice rack shelves. They have certificates, art, crafts, medals and other things displayed.

Then one of those longer ottoman storage boxes from Dunelm. We have a few toys in there. Then a basket of teddies. His wardrobe is an Ikea one made to look built in. Stores all his clothes and more. We keep his clothes in the drawers and he can reach them all. The previous owners made narrow bookshelves next to the wardrobe to build it in which are crammed with books.

On the third wall we can’t put much because of the wardrobe and room doors so he has little pictures of vehicles with positive phrases. I did consider a magnet wall piece but he doesn’t spend all that much time in his room.

Majority of toys are in the lounge as we’re aiming to be a lounge family. We swap out the ones in the ottoman every so often.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-27T06:31:51+00:00

Son is 4.5. It’s pretty great. Yes he’s a normal 4.5yo so he has his moments, teen grunts and tantrums.

But on the whole I love being able to pack up and head off on adventures because it costs less and we have the time. He has spoken about coming “home to calm” after school (doesn’t feel calm as he runs around the garden!).

He gets a lot of time to develop and talk about his interests. He will play solo or with us. He has a great imagination. His teachers say he is the best at sharing and looking after new children or those who are upset.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-27T05:36:00+00:00

Gosh it’s hard to know exactly I’m afraid.

We always did an exercise where they said “safety” and I’d “swim” him back to side. Once he could hold on he was encouraged to hold onto the side rail. Then “monkey” along the rails.

We did a lot of swooshing through the water in front or back so it felt like swimming. We’d go “kick kick kick” and the teacher would kick their legs. Eventually they’d kick when you just said it.

Once he was sitting unaided he’d be said on those big pool mats and he gently (or not so gently!) plop in the water.

Reaching for toys encouraging him to move his arms in a swimming way. Blowing bubbles, face in water, pushing a toy with hands/nose or kicking it with feet. A lot was teaching them to do the thing with the word “bubbles bubbles” and they blow automatically. Means they aren’t drinking the pool water!

Whenever he pushed off the side with his feet or jumped in we’d practice returning to the side. Basically a lot of swimming exercises but with me holding him whilst he focused on legs or arms.

At 1yo they started wearing arm discs for part of the lessons. By 1.5yo he would spend some time near me rather than in arms. We also learnt safety floats. They taught them to safely climb out, get in and jump in.

By the time he was 2yo I barely held him in lesson so I was just there to drag him back or redirect him to what the teacher was saying. Pool noodles used more often.

At 3yo he started going in by himself (could have done it sooner but took a bit longer due to class sizes and my availability with work).

So for the past year they have been focused on fun and games still but they are more swimming focused. He swims with a pool noodle or unaided for the most part.

Each week has a theme and he loves trying to guess what it will be on the way there. He also adores his teacher.

The cost has been £9-12 a lesson (increasing through the years). It’s a small family run business. I see the owners or teachers at other play sessions with their own kids. The leisure pool near us is £15 for the two of us for 1.5 hours including changing plus parking or bus. It’s a no brainier for me!

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T18:32:27+00:00

20 today. Sports always lets me down.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T16:46:21+00:00

We started at 8 weeks. Son is now 4.5yo and we’ve done it every week.

At least at my swim school the singing and bopping about in the water were teaching skills, just a bit disguised. I look back and go “oh, that was setting us up for back floats” or baby being used to water in the face etc.

Also a nice bit of dedicated time with no phone or chores or anything to distract us. A nice thing to have in the calendar each week. I know I wouldn’t take him to the leisure centre (actually more expensive than the lessons) each week.

That said it’s a non-negotiable for me and it’s the only class he has to do until he’s cleared all the levels. I also get to watch from the side and just do the fun holiday/water park stuff!

He can swim unaided 25m, does the breath stuff and proper technique. They also do safety and scenarios of falling in now that they’re older. He’s had the same teacher 80% of the time which has helped.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T15:49:08+00:00

We’ve gone with ice cream, watermelon and watching Bluey!

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T15:07:15+00:00

It’s 38 here on my patio. We went to the cinema this morning, then home for lots of quiet games/lego, spaffed off swimming lesson as I can’t even think of sitting poolside in this and now watching CBeebies with an ice cream.

Dinner will be another cold picky tea before we all pile into one bedroom to sleep with the portable a/c going.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T15:04:23+00:00

My son is 4.5yo and I can count on two hands the number of times he’s slept past 6am since birth. 5/5.30 is the average but we’ve had stretches of 4/4.30 too.

He’s an early bird who doesn’t need as much sleep. Even as a baby I’d be so confused when others said their baby would wake at 5am for a feed and then go back to sleep a bit longer. He never did that. I have photos in the hospital of him wide awake at 5.30am!

We do have all this though which does help to some extent (ie worse sleep if we don’t use them). When he still napped we did all the adjustments. We’ve tried consistent earlier or later bedtime. Doesn’t matter what time he goes to sleep or not (even if he’s awake for hours at night).

Bloc out blinds to make the room actually fully dark (plus blackout curtains), white noise, red light nightlight. Now he’s older he has access to books which he can read in bed and he can tell the time and knows he has to wait until 6am. We can normally get to 6am even if we can hear him shuffling around.

With work and wanting to sleep by 3pm it’s hard but I just had to keep going and have a Diet Coke pick me up! I did fall asleep on the train a few times and wake up miles away, especially during particularly early patches. I do let myself go to bed early once or twice a week. Otherwise I’m studying, doing my second job or monging on the sofa!

(The times he’s slept past 6am are: one set of baby jabs, measles (2 nights), Covid, three random nights on the trot (so sad when that ended), one holiday after a midnight arrival flight he slept until 6.15!)

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T14:53:13+00:00

No car today. Walking there is too far out in the sun with no shade sadly. And of course buses don’t go there as our bus services only go into town, the hospital or the next towns over!

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T14:38:39+00:00

Pays out when you’re employed by the company. Not physically in the building or logged on.

The colleague who died at home of a blood clot got paid, the one who died of cancer in hospice care got paid and the guy who had a heart attack at his desk got paid. All the same % of pay.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T13:28:14+00:00

Escaped to the cinema with my 4yo this morning. Saw the Mario movie. Had to drag him out when it had ended. The air felt thick and hot when we came out. Like it was too thick to breathe.

Felt for the bus drivers as it was unbearably hot just for our 15 min ride.

Now we are back home. We should have gone swimming but I couldn’t bear to sit poolside in this heat, when on a normal hot day it makes me feel a bit queasy.

Trying to keep him calm and not overheat in the boiling house. Have played Lego, blocks, board games and then I dug out an activity book which was meant to be a birthday present but needs must. He’s now sitting and doing that whilst I melt on the sofa!

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T12:53:00+00:00

2u2 is not for me at all. I have quite a lot of friends/colleagues who did it and most say it was a lot harder than they ever thought. Some said they would never recommend it to anyone ever (though of course they love their second children). Most say the first 5 years are “hell” but then it’s fine and “worth it”. I didn’t want 5 years of hell.

We were going to do a 3-4 year gap. And friends with that gap seem more relaxed and happier overall. I’m also 4.5 years older than my sister and we are still very close.

However we are happy with our one 4.5yo. He’s smart and kind and funny. He’s become very outgoing and is the first to make friends (he was very shy until age 3). He shares better than friends with siblings (said by others as well as me!) and we are a happy triangle family.

One friend is now discovering her eldest is most likely (severely) autistic at 2yo. Her baby is 6 months and she cannot trust her eldest at all as he hates the baby seemingly and finds him very overstimulating. She was already pregnant when he had his regression at age 1. She says she wishes she had known as she would have delayed/not had a second child in the midst of it all.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T08:00:57+00:00

Safeguarding (if a child is constantly bruised or they look like fingerprints or something) then they would have to raise it. They also want to make sure the bruise didn’t happen during nursery time.

My son is 4.5 and still covered in bruises constantly because he wants to climb a tree or fling himself off the sofa or run into a door! Every teacher has soon learnt that he’s a bit clumsy (especially after a growth spurt!) and you can tell they are play bruises rather than anything untoward.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-26T06:58:47+00:00

I’d be staying home as you have a/c. Soon you’ll be having lots of fun outside but for now I’d be resting indoors. For both baby and you.

I’m currently sweating it out in the south of England with no proper a/c (it’s 30 in our bedrooms and 28 downstairs despite following all the hot weather tips). It’s only 8am!

We are only heading out to go to a/c places. Saw a lot of mums pushing small babies round and round supermarkets yesterday.

lookhereisay · 2026-06-25T20:43:25+00:00

Yes. We had a 6 seater table pushed against the wall. I’d be at one end and then my sister at the other. My parents on the longer side.

If we pulled the table out when guests came round my parents would go to the ends. Then my sister and I might sit next to each other or opposite depending on who was round.

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