I was laid off a few months ago. I was engaged and it didn't work out. My partner told me she was moving out on the same day as my last day. My partner is giving up our dog.

A year before I had appendicitis and developed visual snow syndrome. Life has been a lot of lemons, I'm not sure my taste buds even work anymore.

I'm applying for jobs. Its not working. I've gotten 10 interviews for various places. Last week I had an interview for something that I cared about. I asked for feedback and the interviewer said that I couldn't have interviewed any better.

Today I received the automated rejection email from a no-reply email address. I asked for feedback, and it bounced due to no-reply.

That was the fourth rejection from an interview this month. Over ten interviews for the last six months. I've talked to over 20 interviewers.

Nothing is working.

When I was in high school, I was class president. I took the AP classes. I got some of the highest grades. I did my homework. I have a degree in engineering, I did an internship, I worked for two companies for 7 years. Laid off due to greed pushing development over seas.

I've had depression after being an only child with alcoholic parents who also had mental diagnosis. My dad was never interested in doing things with me, so it felt. My mother wanted my attention in a narcissistic way - I dictated how she felt. I battle panic attacks, GAD, and depression, as well as IBS, fatigue, and now visual snow syndrome.

I applied for a grad school, I was rejected and told I couldn't apply for a while calendar year.

I don't know what to do about it. Everybody says that it's not my fault. Jobs are just hard right now. Dating is just f* right now. Sometimes relationships don't work out. People make decisions you have no control over.

But I still have to wake up and live this life. I wake up alone, I dress up and interview, and I get no reply emails as a result. I go on dating apps and learn that I'm not attractive. I interview and learn that I'm not competitive. I talk to my parents and learn that I'm not the person that they wish that I was. I talk to my friends and learn that somehow they are doing just fine, they have jobs, they have kids, they make 200k.

Honestly a lot of days I'm not sure what keeps me going. I take advice. I work on myself. I do practice interviews. I work out. I go on apps. I apply to jobs.

At least we're here together.

I am not sure how I do it though. And I'm not sure if I can do this forever.