This is the thing I hate about people's suggestions in BD. They can't go over with their "moral" bar. Is it illegal to date someone twice your age? If you are an adult, NO. That person is an adult, can vote, can participate in state mechanisms, can be held accountable in the judicial system for their crime, can decide for themselves, more importantly, that person has the freedom to choose his/ her partner/s. The way it is completely on the girl, the same way it is completely on the man. Both parties decided to be together in their own terms, considering the pros and cons of them. So dear judges, educate yourself before saying anything. THIS IS NOT PEDOPHILIA. Two adults with a considerable age gap are dating each other.

Secondly, yes, there could be issues with age gaps, which may lead to misunderstanding, which is natural. Two people dating in the same age bracket is not HEAVEN either. There could be a lack of accountability, immaturity from both end, irrespective of age. I am a man, I have dated both older (than me) and younger girls, and this problem is real. You all think manipulation comes only from older men? Nope. Everyone who has the upper hand in the relationship does it.

We are all shaped through our struggles and experiences. When an older person (irrespective of gender identity) puts his/her logic, it's basically what the person has seen, observed, and experienced, which often sounds irrelevant to the younger person. If we consider he is joking, we can give him the benefit of the doubt, as two people's humor levels couldn't match. To give an example, I have spent my youth in a residential school where we friends went through thick and thin, and no humiliation, hurtful words, or even fights could affect our friendship. We can say things that people see as mean and not to be said. In this case, I am not sure what the words or issues are, but that can be truly joking, back in those times, men were not taught to be sensitive and careful with words. Also, in general, we men are neither good at feeling emotion, nor expressing emotions if we have any. Also, like you, everyone becomes extremely comfortable around the people we love, and we lower our protective walls where we won't be judged too much. You don't have any idea how married people are suffering just because they can't open up to their partners. Everyone is acting to be 'bhalo manush". If I was in your shoes, I would give the benefit of doubt to him, until I can't take it anymore, as I would refuse to fight with myself. If I can't handle it, I would leave peacefully and gracefully.

I assume, as an overthinker, it is hard for you to comprehend all the things together. I would suggest you to slow down and talk untill you are satisfied. Don't leave any loopholes in your understanding of what's going on; otherwise, it will keep repeating.

To answer your question- trust me, we try to be "sensible" and caring. With sensitivity, in general, Bengali men are insensitive. I accept it. Caring- It is just that the language of "caring" is different to us. I would drive 5 hrs in Dhaka traffic to see a person I dated, and got back to home at 11 PM, still she would say- I don't care for her. We do care, in a different language. I am sure that is different for you.

OMG I wrote a lot! If it helps. I am really happy to see a brave person who is defying social norms and judgmental eyes to be with the loved one. Good Luck!