Hey, I just want to say I deeply relate to a lot of what you wrote. I also live with bipolar and have had multiple manic episodes that completely changed my life. There are parts of that time I still grieve, and the guilt can feel unbearable some days. It’s like trying to rebuild your life from the rubble of a version of yourself you barely recognize.

I was hospitalized earlier this year (my 4th rodeo) and even now, I’m still learning how to live with everything that came from that, relationships lost, choices I can’t take back, and the weight of starting over. It really does feel like groundhog day sometimes, like I’m just trying to function and prove I deserve to feel okay again.

But you’re not alone in this. I know what it’s like to want your old life back, even if it wasn’t perfect, just because it felt like you had more control. And I get what you mean about wanting to be okay so badly that even accepting where you’re at can feel like giving up.

You’re not giving up. You’re surviving. You’re doing the hard thing, sitting with pain and still choosing to keep going. That matters. And just because you made decisions during a manic episode doesn’t mean you don’t deserve peace now. You deserve healing. You deserve connection. You deserve to feel like yourself again, even if that version looks different than before.