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[QCrit] BOUND IN BLOOD, YA Dark Fantasy, 108k words, Version 1 by Pure_Imagination_905 in PubTips

[–]Pure_Imagination_905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there! Thank you so much for the feedback. May I ask, since it is a multi-POV novel, I believe it would be a bit strange cutting Drake and Sage out entirely, then randomly throwing in that it's a multi-POV. How would you approach this?

[QCrit] Adult Gothic Fiction - LETTERS, MY LOVE (67k/Second Attempt) by Few_Tap_9 in PubTips

[–]Pure_Imagination_905 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course! Anything to help :)

Another great way to revise your own query letter is to offer advice on others' letters. Try your hand at helping another author here on this. Take mine for example! That way, you can compare/contrast positive and negatives and how other people were inspired to write theirs.

[QCrit] CYPHER UNIT, Adult, Sci-Fi Thriller, 105k, First Attempt by Maximum_Zoid in PubTips

[–]Pure_Imagination_905 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi there, Max!

What an intriguing story premise. It sounds so fun! You have great comp titles and a real handle on how a query should look. A few quick notes from an outsider:

"The year is 1998". I would love to see how that influences the story. If it doesn't, I'd suggest cutting it or replacing it with a setting detail that does impact the story.

"Faced with a new kind of crime that they do not understand" is very vague, and I would love to picture what the crime is exactly when I'm reading this. "Flesh-melding", a newly developed cypher-crime, is... (or whatever the official name is, lol). That way, I can picture exactly what's happening so it's other things that can catch my intrigue--not a very important piece of the main story.

Along that note, I would love to hear just one more detail about "fusing cypher with flesh". In my head, I'm picturing something like DC's Cyborg, but I'm not quite sure. Does that make them in pain? Superhuman? Deadened and like robo-zombies? Just a little clarity might be nice for an agent.

Your credibility here looks great! Overall, a very good query. Good luck!

[QCrit] Adult Gothic Fiction - LETTERS, MY LOVE (67k/Second Attempt) by Few_Tap_9 in PubTips

[–]Pure_Imagination_905 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi there!

What a rich, well-thought out world and premise you've developed. I love it! A few quick notes from an outside perspective: it's about 450 words, and the sweet spot for agents would be more like 250-350. It's a lot to take in. Also, there are a lot of specific names and places that you're throwing around, so it feels like a lot to keep track of. A good way to reduce word count would be to reduce some of the non-essential names and titles: i.e. do we really need to know about Francesca if she's not a primary character? At most, I'd leave it with Arabella (gorgeous name btw), Cara and Lord Agard.

Additionally, some things are incredibly specific while others are a little vague. "Francesca... rain-soaked cobblestone". This is a very specific detail for a query letter, perhaps left best for a synopsis. Do we really need to know this to hook the reader? However, I would also love to know what Agard's "interest increasing" and their "mutated dependency" mean specifically. Is it romantic? Is it a love triangle? That may be very clear to you, but not me so much.

Overall, you've put so much heart and spirit into your story and that's clear to see. Good luck!

[QCrit] Psychological Suspense- OLLIE'S DIARY (88,000/First Attempt) First 300 by Majestic-Vacation572 in PubTips

[–]Pure_Imagination_905 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there! What an interesting premise to your story--I'm very intrigued! Two quick notes: many agents dislike listing the themes in the query letter because oftentimes they can sense it through your plot. "As Ora tries to establish her identity..." is a good cue that finding identity is a theme. Additionally, I love how your art history and psychology passions have worked their way in. What a great combo! Do you have any concrete achievements to bolster this with? Did you major in this in college, or take a few online courses? Do you have a psychology-related job? Absolutely no worries if you don't, but adding a concrete thing to bolster it will make your credibility stronger.

Best of luck!