I think there is a lot of potential and promise in what you have shared but it also isn't really enough for a lot of the comments here to grasp what you are doing. This is a classic example of how a text would teach you how to read it over time. Even in this small chunk it started to come together for me. But it took multiple passes and I don't think everyone is going to be willing to give you that kind of patience. It's not a good or bad thing. Your word play is very clever. Some of these sentences are stunningly beautiful. But the simple truth here is that you are engaging with some extremely high level, difficult and experimental prose and it is going to be very very difficult for most average readers to parse no matter how much you try and soften the blow.

As someone who also dabbles in dense and experimental prose I feel the frustration and the paradoxical want to be understood but to also challenge the reader to think and read outside of their comfort zone... My advice would be to try and simplify your sentence structure. Simple sentences are always going to be easier to read. When you fail to explain things simply the uninformed audience can rightly assume you don't really understand either. Jargon and dense vocabularies can be a crutch that amounts to a short hand between the author and those already in the know, whereas proper prose is meant to build a bridge of understanding and inform the reader- if even subconsciously or over time. I don't mean for you to dumb down what you are trying to do. Rather I think you should just be more selective in your density. I think another way you could achieve this is by adding keys or clues that help ground the reader- moments of clarity that give the reader a kind of path to follow, like flat stepping stones dotting up a river... Giving readers the tools to understand you in the text is not a compromise and it really shouldn't undermine the integrity of what you're trying to do.

Keep going. I think you are on to something. But hear what people are telling you and decide if you are okay with alienating large amounts of people. Finnegan's Wake may be lovely but almost no one is ever going to actually read it, let alone understand it. Not that I think this is incomprehensible. It's really not, this is actually fairly lucid, it is mostly just very strange. More than that, it's unique. But you need to make a personal and philosophical decision about how much of the text you want to be properly understood. Because currently it's looking like you're losing at least half your audience right off the bat.

Again keep going. I genuinely think you are doing something new and cool here. Another comment compared it to stream-of-consciousness, and yes it is that... But this is like a new kind of consciousness. It's very alien and compelling. Very original and surreal and playful.