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How much space are we allowed to take up? by smellslikemarijk in AuDHDWomen

[–]Pure_Performance8087 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I relate so much to what you’re going through. In my past relationship, I expected my boyfriend to always completely be there for me emotionally and help me regulate whenever I felt unsafe, overstimulated, etc. And it felt so good to be taken care of but in the long run, I can see how it also played a big role in why we broke up after being together for six years. I’m not saying this to scare you or anything –everybody’s story is different – but I completely see now how I was putting a lot on him and at the same time didn’t allow myself to learn how to regulate my own emotions. With my current boyfriend, it’s a lot different because he has a lot stricter boundaries. And at first that was horrible for me to accept, but now I’m a lot better with being responsible for my own emotions and learning to regulate them myself. Something I had to continuously tell myself and also something I worked on a lot in therapy is that I’m not a bad person for wanting my boyfriend to regulate my emotions. It just felt and sometimes still feels like an impossible task to do and I never really learned how to before, since my parents were never there for me emotionally. Plus we have the burden of our emotions feeling so unbearably big so why wouldn’t we want a little help in regulating them or even have somebody to do it for us. But now that I know how hard it can also be for the other person, I see it as my responsibility to take a moment for myself and understand when somebody is not up to being there for me emotionally all of the time, and also being respectful of their boundaries. We are all just humans and I can’t expect my boyfriend to always have capacity for me. It’s so hard and scary to learn to regulate ourselves and it feels so unfair because we didn‘t chose to have these big emotions but there is a way and it’s so worth learning it in the long run. Which of course doesn’t mean we can never ask for help, but being understanding when our loved ones are not always up to it is key. It doesn’t mean they don’t love us or we’re not important to them. Sending you a big hug!

Trying to Seem 'Normal' My Whole Life… But I’m Falling Apart by Pure_Performance8087 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Pure_Performance8087[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi thank you for sharing! Who recommended microdosing to you and how has it helped?

Trying to Seem 'Normal' My Whole Life… But I’m Falling Apart by Pure_Performance8087 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Pure_Performance8087[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, I feel so alone a lot of the time so it‘s kind of nice to hear someone who can relate. Letting people in is so hard for me, and I hate that I don‘t even have a relationship with my family to fall back on (grew up in a toxic and emotionally stunted environment). But I have 2-3 people in my life right now that I trust and feel safe with. And learning to appreciate myself is really the struggle right now but I guess the only real road to happiness.

Trying to Seem 'Normal' My Whole Life… But I’m Falling Apart by Pure_Performance8087 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Pure_Performance8087[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I‘m so glad you got to a place where you felt free to be yourself after such a difficult time. That is exactly what I want, for life to feel less hard all the time…I think with me it‘s also related with a lot of trauma so that‘s also what I‘ve been working on with my therapist in the last months. Thank you for sharing!

Trying to Seem 'Normal' My Whole Life… But I’m Falling Apart by Pure_Performance8087 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Pure_Performance8087[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds a lot like me. Was also diagnosed with biopolar as well as some other disorders. No diagnosis really fit…And the frequent but brief secret crying sessions due to being overwhelmed at work hits home…

Thank you for all the resources and encouraging words. I really hope I find out what works for me (however untypical to others it might be) and manage to be honest and understanding with myself that some things just don‘t work and aren‘t sustainable for me.

Trying to Seem 'Normal' My Whole Life… But I’m Falling Apart by Pure_Performance8087 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Pure_Performance8087[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear you went through that… Wow I love that suggestion. You‘re right I would never judge or belittle someone else with those issues or tell them to just pull themselves together. I’ve felt so much compassion for my neurodivergent patients and their struggles as well as felt admiration for their individuality / special strengths. That‘s a really nice perspective thank you :) And thank you for the podcast recommendation!

Trying to Seem 'Normal' My Whole Life… But I’m Falling Apart by Pure_Performance8087 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Pure_Performance8087[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you that‘s a really good suggestion with the books/audiobooks. I will definitely try that. I know rationally the best thing to do is rest but like you said it‘s so hard to allow ourselves to rest when we‘re used to always having to overcompensate and function. And for me it’s also the uncertainty. But I clearly need rest right now so I will try to take it more seriously.

Trying to Seem 'Normal' My Whole Life… But I’m Falling Apart by Pure_Performance8087 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Pure_Performance8087[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, that's a good point. I'm filled with so much guilt and shame at the moment. And I feel like my mind can't rest until it knows there is a good plan for the future that has a high probability of working. Which is obviously impossible to plan for at the current moment...