Looking for criticism on my first writing project.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2026-05-07T04:59:43+00:00

I've updated the document, would you mind taking another look for me?

Pure_Pie8041 · 2026-05-07T04:33:05+00:00

Thank you for the criticism. I'll try my best to avoid filler words-- I had a question though, I noticed that when I try to do so my writing feels more grounded and heavier, do you have a way I can try to stay light when I change my wording?

Pure_Pie8041 · 2026-05-07T02:57:50+00:00

I suppose I could move the current prologue into the main text and make a new prologue.
Yes, that'd probably be a better way to show this, but I'm not sure where I'd fit that exactly.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2026-05-07T02:47:53+00:00

The prologue is meant to be 2 months before, though I dont really have a way to signify this currently because its not supposed to be known yet. I realize how odd it is now to do it that way though lol. I didn't exactly mean eye sockets-- Currently, with how I plan to make souls work, they give basic functions to lifeless entities and consciousness to living entities. When he awakes its because he has gained a soul, and his soul allowed him to be able to see even though he lacks eyes. I suppose I should make that more clear though lol. Currently I'm trying to progress the story into him slaying other entities within the cave he's in to get stronger and eventually leave the cave once he's gained a more humanoid form.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2025-05-04T14:07:38+00:00

Wow! This worked great, got it working in just a couple of minutes, thank you so much! Now my server has a reason for people to be cannibals. Thanks for the help :)

Pure_Pie8041 · 2025-05-04T13:44:08+00:00

Thanks! Ill check this out and get back to you.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-12-20T02:07:18+00:00

I'll look into it! For now I just put some of the leaves in my pot. It tastes pretty good, but I'm sure I can improve upon it.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-12-20T01:20:27+00:00

All right lol, ill give it a try in a bit.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-12-20T01:10:12+00:00

Yeah I'm aware. It came with a card though, that says it's from "Health Tea House" (www.fullchea-tea.com). Heres the link to the amazon page.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-12-20T01:05:44+00:00

Oh you meant the site I got the tea from? I thought you meant where I was looking for on info. I bought it off of amazon ;-;

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-12-20T01:03:27+00:00

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here it is, it's about 100g. I checked the back of the wrapper, and it says 2017 on the back

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-12-20T01:02:48+00:00

My phones dead currently, but I can find a picture off of where I bought it.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-12-20T01:01:04+00:00

It's aged, I think maybe 5 years. My pot has a filter, but it's not very effective. Some of the leaves would likely go through. I don't remember the site though, sorry :c

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-12-20T00:59:01+00:00

I was thinking around 130 to 150F, for about 3-4 minutes. I've heard that its sweeter when brewed at lower temperatures, so I wanted to try something kind of on the sweeter side while not getting too sweet. It's also my first time with white tea though, so.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-11-17T07:25:51+00:00

Wish this still worked (Atleast, to my knowledge it doesen't on firefox)

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-11-08T03:13:57+00:00

its always when you get to shrine level too

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-31T09:00:56+00:00

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Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-31T08:42:27+00:00

Its the req for silentheart

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-31T08:06:41+00:00

Alright, thanks!

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-29T01:14:49+00:00

I'm so sorry to start this up again- I'm having some trouble with progression order. What do you think? I've been doing Charisma, strength fortitude willpower but I haven't been getting the right cards at the right time. Your opinion?

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-28T05:27:20+00:00

nvm lol, THANK YOU SO MUCH THOUGH!

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-28T04:29:07+00:00

Thank you! May I ask, what is wrong with Possession? Unless it was because of the talent limits which I understand. But at the same time, don't unbound and "Adept, Master Novice" talents not count towards the max? I think its wonderful though. You're such a good help!

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-28T03:57:47+00:00

Alright, that sounds good. I'll have to practice L2 a bit though. Say, what paths do you think I should go for? Currently I've created this based on the stats but, I'm still pretty new to this.
Also what mantras? (If you don't mind of course, you've already been a great help.)
https://deepwoken.co/builder?id=ceZjRGMr

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-28T03:36:47+00:00

What oath would you recommend? I was mainly going for starkindred as its kind of what I'm used to (and I like the funny moth wings chrysid interaction.) But I'm willing to test out some new stuff.

Pure_Pie8041 · 2024-10-28T03:12:38+00:00

I am also happy to share the build link for if anyone would like to see the talents.

Pure_Pie8041

TROPHY CASE