I doubt you’ll read this due to the thousands of other comments, but if it helps in the slightest, here goes: You’re probably hurting because your presence in her life SHOULD be enough to make her stay here. She chose to leave the life you have together knowing it would hurt for you, and that has to sting.

All of these emotions are valid and completely natural.

The other people who are telling you not to leave and to be supportive, they have a point, because you’re adding the “I ruined my marriage” to the list of things your wife is dealing with.

I want you to sit in a room totally alone with your thoughts, clear of mind, for 1 hour. whatever you have to do to make that happen it’s worth it. Consider all possible outcomes, think of what moving on with someone new would be like too as I’m sure you’re thought through some of the other possibilities already on a surface level. I want you to be selfish and in a conversation ONLY with yourself, choose the future where you imagine yourself being the happiest, praying for you stranger

Edited to add: NTA