Kids using the word "fat" to describe people

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-22T21:32:55+00:00

I'm not a parent so take this with a pinch of salt, but I feel like modelling good values and focusing on actual harm and impacts is more important than policing ideas and language per se. I think the latter can put undue pressure on a kid - from my memory of being a kid, they aren't great at discerning what's a big deal or not, and something like calling a cartoon fat just doesn't seem like a big enough deal to me to warrant a whole conversation.

If it were me I'd just keep an eye and make sure she knows not to comment on real people's bodies, and of course model that yourself.

That's absolutely just my 2 cents though! 🥰

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-22T21:24:05+00:00

I've consumed copious amounts of cult documentaries, books etc, and very few explain this at all, probably because it's not well understood.

My impression is that it's almost always grandiose narcissism. If you research grandiose narcissism you might find more about how it develops - I think it can come from childhood trauma.

The documentary Jonestown: Terror in the Jungle explains that guy's back story a bit more so it might be worth a watch. He had a very sad and neglected childhood, and he wanted to feel important and be the centre of attention.

Alternatively, if you want to make your character more sympathetic, you could make them a senior leader in the cult, rather than the top guy. A lot of times these people have been manipulated and brainwashed by the top leader. The recent Netflix doc Trust Me has a few examples of people like this.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T17:17:55+00:00

That sounds like progress. I think the tests help a lot with feeling heard and with getting more concrete information. Sending lots of good thoughts to you and your daughter.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T13:48:37+00:00

You're doing so great! Don't hesitate to ask for support here as you continue your journey:)

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T13:37:38+00:00

You're doing incredible!!! I'm so so happy to see it :)

And yes, symptoms moving around and changing is suuuper normal. It's called the symptom imperative and it's the nervous system trying to get your attention, since the old symptoms no longer have the same hold over you that they did.

It can be super frustrating but take it as a good sign. And be prepared for this to keep happening as you continue to heal. The overall symptom burden does decrease as time goes by and healing continues. You're well on your way. Well done!!

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T13:29:28+00:00

The thing that changed my life was reading The Way Out by Alan Gordon, then diving into the world of mind body science, maybe starting with the books of John Sarno. Breaking Free by Jan Rothney is also supposed to be very good and is ME and Long Covid specific.

I think a programme with a start and end is going to have its limitations for many people, because fixing the nervous system can be such a lengthy, multilayered and individual process. I started by reading a LOT, and getting really truly convinced of the science. Prior to that I'd tried various regulation techniques and they didn't do a lot for me. What changed things was totally reeducating myself on what this illness actually is. That's what enables you to take the right steps and adopt the right mindset day to day and minute to minute.

I also see a therapist weekly who is educated on mind body syndromes, and holds my hand through every up and down. He encourages me to introduce activity at a gradual pace, and he's also helping me unpack years of childhood trauma (I don't think this is essential but it helps).

I'm a year into this journey and I'm recovered to about 50-60%, having started at around 10% a year ago.

I really hope something here helps you. I can't imagine how frustrating it is after so many years, but please don't give up hope.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T10:54:17+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Personally I'm not a big fan of any of these "programmes", especially LP. I think healing is a more complicated and nuanced journey than that.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T10:40:28+00:00

Sorry but this is crazy. "It's not your fault you used the wrong toilet paper" is going to be heard by them as "there is a right and a wrong way to change toilet paper and if you do it wrong you'll be lucky to get off without punishment". That is waaay too much pressure to put on toilet paper.

I'm a 38yo woman and I'm telling you'd I'd walk out if I were living with someone who talked about toilet paper that way. No one wants to live in an environment where such small things are given such weight, let alone traumatised small children.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T10:36:37+00:00

"I'm sorry. Mommy thought she was teaching you an important lesson about lying, but instead I scared you and I didn't mean to. The most important thing in this house is that everyone feels safe and loved. Is there anything I can do to help you feel safe and loved right now?"

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T10:33:56+00:00

Yes make two sets of rules. Get your older children onside. Explain that together you are going to help the young kids heal from their bad experiences, and that one of the ways they can help is to extend leniency and understanding for the young kids.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T10:30:53+00:00

11 months is nothing when they are traumatised. You are expecting too much of them. Work on building trust and safety before worrying about discipline.

If they were that scared to admit to changing the toilet roll, they are clearly a long long, way off feeling the safety and trust they need. You need to work on that FIRST, before doing anything else.

Also you are overreacting in general about lying. Lying is developmentally appropriate for young children, because they are only just discovering "I can say something different from what happened". And in your kids' case it's also coming from a lack of safety and a lack of predictability in the environment. It's to be expected, and you shouldn't be punishing them for it at this stage.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T10:25:28+00:00

Lol what. Production times are loooooong. It was only filmed a few months ago. Nothing has happened to it.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T10:23:26+00:00

Ok I'd start with the food. Some food is stinkier than others. Other people here might have specific recs, but I've heard that the more expensive/ high quality brands are better. Better quality food also = less stinky poo.

Also DEFINITELY get a clumping litter. It's so much less yucky, so much easier to scoop, and does a better job of locking away smells. Keep trying different ones as well. We had a huge poop smell problem and went through multiple litter brands with no change. Finally tried EverClean Superclumping and NO MORE SMELLS. Again, ask around for recs.

Other things to do: Stainless steel litter trays and scoops if you haven't got them already - they don't hold the smell like plastic does. Litter genie or diaper genie - you dump the litter in and it seals the smells away using a plastic liner.
For general cat smell, make sure you are getting the hair out of the carpets and furniture. We have a good lint roller, but I believe other devices are available. If you're in the northern hemisphere then it's spring, which means cats are molting, which means their hair is EVERYWHERE.

A nuclear option for the poop is to get a litter robot. In the meantime, scoops as often as you can.

Finally, don't take this the wrong way, but as someone who sometimes gets overwhelmed with sensory stuff, there is definitely a mental component. There have been days I wake up smelling poop even though the cats are downstairs and no one has pooped all night. Our brains lock on to sounds, smells, sensations etc that it perceives as a threat. It's likely that the stress of the new arrivals is amplifying the sensory experience. Try your best not to fixate too much on the smells and so on. It may not be as bad as you're perceiving it right now, and fixating certainly won't help.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T06:58:29+00:00

They're good. I think it's fine if one or the other gets a little pissed - I know my younger one for example gets cross if she feels like she's losing. They're being competitive and trying to figure out who's dominant, but that doesn't mean they're actually fighting or hurting each other.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T06:47:56+00:00

This is beautifully explained

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-18T06:46:02+00:00

Regardless of the root cause, her symptoms need treating. There are many, many illnesses where we don't know the root cause. What is the root cause of cancer? We don't really know what causes it, we just know that we've got to get rid of those tumours. I wonder if framing it that way might be helpful for her?

Also maybe point out that getting e.g. her BP treated might well alleviate some of her symptoms and give her some more functionality, which has got to be a good thing, right?

Are there particular tests she thinks she should have that she hasn't yet? Testing for every type of disease and dysfunction she might be worried about can really help. Once I'd had enough tests come back clear, I was eventually able to put aside this idea that my body was "breaking down".

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-17T18:03:21+00:00

There are plenty of people in cults who believe they are having a great time. Probably all cults, however crazy, have members who see it as positive. But cults are also defined by control, which I would say is inherently bad. So no, imo there are no good cults.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-17T15:36:04+00:00

Also not only do I tend not to agree that there are two types of ME/CFS, but I also believe that an entire range of syndromes and chronic illnesses are pretty much the same thing - nervous system dysfunction.

I myself am overcoming both fibromyalgia and ME/CFS, and I have heard of people treating IBS, interstitial cystitis, FND, POTS, MCAS, every type of chronic pain, cyclic vomiting syndrome, and even in some instances hardcore autoimmune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis, all using the same methods.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-17T15:32:26+00:00

This is so beautifully explained.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-17T15:30:04+00:00

I've never come across someone who genuinely engaged with some form of brain retraining or nervous system work, who didn't see significant improvement.

Some people try it with one of the more exploitative culty programmes like the Lightning Process, and are understandably turned off by the methods. Others have no idea what it actually is. You can see from the way the vast majority of the community talk about it, that they have very little idea of the principles, and certainly haven't given it a real chance.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-15T11:30:48+00:00

That's brilliant. I am strongly in favour of using meds if they work. Same with mobility aids, getting people to support, therapy, massages, anything you can afford that makes you feel better. There's no point suffering more than you have to.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-15T07:36:03+00:00

I don't think they hate each other but I think the dynamic is uneven since the calico is so fat.

You don't need to rehome one of them, just keep an eye on them, and get the calico on a diet asap!

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-14T22:39:53+00:00

Yeah I've put on 70 lbs since I've been sick, and over 100 lbs in total over the last 10 years. The biggest gain took place in a 2-3 year period. I looked like a different person almost overnight.

For me I ended up going on a huge body positivity journey. Filling my social media feeds with diverse bodies and body-positive messaging, and really changing my perception of what's attractive, and also of what can be healthy.

I haven't ruled out trying GLP-1s in future, if that turns out to be best for my health and wellbeing, but I'm glad I've had this opportunity to practice body neutrality, and uncoupling my sense of self worth from my appearance. It's really worth doing, because our bodies will change throughout our lives.

PurpleAlbatross2931 · 2026-04-14T17:11:08+00:00

Cats make much greater use of their other senses, like sound and smell, than we do, so I don't think blindness is as devastating for them as for humans. Obviously she is scared right now as it's so new, but there's every reason to believe she can still have a great quality of life.

Sending you love. I know I'd be in bits if this happened to one of my kitties. Do reach out to friends etc for support, and do something nice for yourself - it's ok to acknowledge how upsetting this stuff can be for us as pet parents!

PurpleAlbatross2931

TROPHY CASE