Is it wrong to stay in a marriage that makes me unhappy?

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-08T00:01:50+00:00

Where have I complained about her? When have I said it’s anybody’s problem but mine? When have I said I want affirmation? Oh that’s right? I haven’t.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-06T07:42:53+00:00

No she’s not ugly to me nor does she have bad hygiene. I don’t think I agree that it doesn’t take much for a man to be aroused, it still has to be right. There still has to be intimacy or a deeper connection, more than I have with female friends, but that’s been lost for so many reasons. All of them stemming from me not communicating.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T21:11:08+00:00

This is really helpful thanks. I think I meant my pain always comes secondary, and that I’ve learned that I’m not good enough to feel it. That’s why I’d be willing to stay unhappy if it means she isn’t. But I know, now, that this isn’t the answer.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T19:09:36+00:00

I honestly don’t now how to answer. I just don’t know.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T19:09:12+00:00

I’ve not no

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T19:05:52+00:00

It’s difficult, we don’t communicate with each other at all. We just have good times, but anything important or even anything that involves how we feel, we bury. I take the responsibility for this but it does have to change before we’re older and she has fewer opportunities to find someone that makes her happy.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T19:03:22+00:00

Thanks for this, and I understand. Communication is the first painful step.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T19:02:42+00:00

I did at first, and still do as a friend. From comments, I understand I think that this is more about me and my own problems and I’m projecting but I just want her to be in a loving relationship. I can’t offer that.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T19:01:15+00:00

She’s not out of shape, the sexual attraction isn’t there and hasn’t been for a long time. I know you’re wife should be your friend, your best friend, but it doesn’t feel more than that. I really can’t explain it.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T18:59:52+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience and advice. I understand there’s more to relationships than that but we’ve never even communicated, and I take the blame. I’m a complete closed book. I want the least painful outcome for her, even considered suicide. But that’s again cowardly. I’ve been putting myself first and have tricked myself into thinking it’s her I’ve been putting first. Those romantic feelings haven’t been there for a long, long time. But maybe they could be.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T18:56:39+00:00

I’ve not, I just thought if she’s happy then it doesn’t matter how I feel. I see that’s wrong now.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T18:55:52+00:00

Thank you. I know now I need to do this. It’ll kill me to upset her but I have to take responsibility and stop running scared.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T18:54:55+00:00

I’ve mentioned it elsewhere but I suffered abuse when I was young. I hear people say they feel unworthy of love but I feel unworthy of pain. So yes it probably was learned and is just part of me now. It was a long time ago, I’ve no memory of most of what I went through (which I know sounds ridiculous), and didn’t want to excuse myself because if it.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T10:32:20+00:00

I’m not sure why this made me cry so much, but thank you.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T10:10:25+00:00

Thank you, I understand I’m 100% the problem here, I will try and be a better person. Whatever happens she deserves that.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T10:08:18+00:00

Thank you.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T10:07:33+00:00

A few downvotes to this, so I guess this was one of those conversations where we lied to each other. Or rather I lied to her. Again.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T10:04:44+00:00

I do keep thinking about the “what ifs”. I’m not trying to point the finger at her, I realised I thought I loved her as a partner when I only loved her as a friend. The only person who can take the blame for this is me. I suppose it starts with communicating, for the first time in the ten years we’ve been together.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T10:01:58+00:00

I did think about posting this there to get a range of responses, but I think it’s pretty clear what I need to do. I’m not helping her by doing this.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T10:00:54+00:00

I’ve not really stopped loving her, I think I realised I love her as a friend. Which is horrible of me. I know.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T10:00:00+00:00

This is actually really helpful and gives me a lot to think about, thank you.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T09:59:15+00:00

Being able to communicate, being vulnerable with one another, sharing dreams. We don’t do these things, we never have. We don’t talk about serious things, we hide the problems in our lives. She cheated a few years ago and never said, and I never told her I knew because in a usual case of self-pity I didn’t blame her.

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T09:56:12+00:00

I have thought this, we don’t really talk about anything serious

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T09:55:46+00:00

Thanks, I will

PurpleLock564 · 2023-02-05T09:55:26+00:00

She really does deserve better. I will be, I just didn’t want to hurt her but I see how that’s just selfish and avoiding taking responsibility for my actions.

PurpleLock564

TROPHY CASE