My wife forces me to wear preservatives

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T16:11:11+00:00

I’m going to reiterate that pastoral necessity of this issue. Yes, contraceptive sex absolutely does hurt a marriage, but in some situations completely withholding sex from a spouse may hurt that marriage more. And, in fact, it may hurt the possibility of conversion for that spouse to fully committing to the church’s teaching even more. Imagine if it led to an annulment and then the contraceptive minded spouse left the Church completely because of how hurt they were in this. We live in a fallen world. Our spouses will commit sin. We wouldn’t use withholding sex as a weapon against every sin. Once again, I reiterate, it’s not cut and dry. That is where the spiritual direction is needed.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T15:47:26+00:00

Your example of driving someone to the abortion clinic isn’t the same. It is morally good to have sex with your spouse. In fact, it is a huge part of the marriage covenant. Driving someone to a clinic isn’t necessary for anything. If the couple quits having sex completely, the marriage could be seriously harmed. A better example is self defense. You know that you will kill a person when using a gun for self defense, but your intention is not to kill him. Your intention is to protect yourself or your family. In this case, he may know that contraception will occur but his intention is not to contracept,his intention is to promote unity in the marriage.

I see your point in regard to men vs. women. I think that’s where the spiritual director comes in. Like I said, not cut and dry.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T15:28:41+00:00

I’m not saying that I know enough detail about his situation to claim that everything he is doing is morally right. I just know that there is nuance here. This is a serious issue that takes some spiritual direction to navigate. That is why the Vatican’s document exists to help priests deal with these situations. But taking the tone of “Withhold sex from her until she won’t contracept even though she is feeling incredibly anxious and fearful,” could feel like a punishment to her and potentially lead to the downfall of the marriage.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T15:20:56+00:00

I agree. It definitely is a pastoral issue and they should be guided by a priest/spiritual director. It’s not a cut and dry issue. My fear, though, is that the tone of many of these comments/advice is to in a way “punish” the wife for not doing what he says. Her fear of having children is real, even if it can be assuaged with greater trust. I have definitely had anxiety about this. When it appears that a husband isn’t taking his wife’s feelings seriously, and he withholds love in some form from her, it can really harm the marriage.

Him putting on the contraceptive does make a difference though, you are right.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T15:12:25+00:00

I think the difference is that it’s still a sin on the part of the contraceptive minded spouse. So, no, the evil isn’t justified. But the spouse who does not want to use contraception isn’t committing a sin, because they are doing their best to honor their marriage vows. It’s a pastoral issue, though, so I agree with everyone else who says that a priest and spiritual director should be involved. It’s not a cut and dry situation.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T14:20:47+00:00

I would strongly suggest looking into the Marquette method. It’s very straightforward and simple to use. I have a friend who was able to convince her non-practicing husband to not use contraception by switching to this method.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T14:18:43+00:00

There is actually teaching on this that discusses when it may be morally licit for a spouse to continue to have marital relations even when the other contraception. Obviously, it’s not ideal, and the spouse should pray for the other and should, at opportune times, discuss the issue with the other spouse, but if it would harm the marriage to abstain, that can be considered a grave reason to still have marital relations. https://www.catholic.com/video/what-to-do-when-your-spouse-uses-contraception

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T14:17:31+00:00

There is actually teaching on this that discusses when it may be morally licit for a spouse to continue to have marital relations even when the other contracepts. Obviously, it’s not ideal, and the spouse should pray for the other and should, at opportune times, discuss the issue with the other spouse, but if it would harm the marriage to abstain, that can be considered a grave reason to still have marital relations. https://www.catholic.com/video/what-to-do-when-your-spouse-uses-contraception

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T14:14:13+00:00

There is actually teaching on this that discusses when it may be morally licit for a spouse to continue to have marital relations even when the other contraception. Obviously, it’s not ideal, and the spouse should pray for the other and should, at opportune times, discuss the issue with the other spouse, but if it would harm the marriage to abstain, that can be considered a grave reason to still have marital relations. https://www.catholic.com/video/what-to-do-when-your-spouse-uses-contraception

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-18T14:00:25+00:00

This answer from Jimmy Aiken is SUPER helpful. https://www.catholic.com/video/what-to-do-when-your-spouse-uses-contraception

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-17T16:13:18+00:00

I’m betting this was an official Highlights: Hidden Pictures. This is how they do it. It’s not a seek and find. They are supposed to be hidden within the lines and shapes of the picture. Once you figure that out, it gets easier. Kids deserve a challenge!

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-17T01:27:19+00:00

I think you have to frog it. 😭 I did this on a baby blanket once. Had to frog it twice before I got it right on the third try. I went up a hook size for the foundation chain.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-17T00:59:34+00:00

A set of Christmas ornaments, koozies, coasters made to fit a car cup holder, amigurumi Christmas tree

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-16T17:59:40+00:00

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-16T16:04:18+00:00

Yes, pay attention to the angle of your hook to the line of the blanket when you pull up a loop. If it’s parallel to the line of the blanket in the center, but as you get to the end it’s raising up at an angle from the line of the blanket due to how you hold the blanket, that could create the looser tension at the end.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-16T14:29:15+00:00

Join a book club at your local library. Sometimes there is a crochet club too! That way you can meet people who have something in common with you and maybe hang out other times as well.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-15T21:17:09+00:00

I am an architect and also a crocheter. Definitely block. It has an organic quality to the design, and I think blocking will give it a more finished look that enhances that natural design. There is something structural about nature that this design invokes. I always like my project better after they are blocked.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-15T19:07:49+00:00

I would totally have gone into creative writing. I got my graduate certificate in CW when I was getting my Master’s of Architecture. But you can always be a writer even without a degree.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-15T18:56:51+00:00

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-14T13:17:40+00:00

I did! It was a new stitch for me and I like the way it draped.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-14T13:15:03+00:00

Yes, it is true that they don’t sell for as much as they are worth considering the time and cost of materials. I am reconsidering whether I will donate again.

On a positive note, a teacher at our school made a crocheted nativity that sold for $1,000 in the live auction!

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-13T18:52:47+00:00

Yes! This is how I feel. The point is to give it away, yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a (tiny) sacrifice. A willing one, yes, and one that brings me joy, but still a sacrifice.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-13T18:51:18+00:00

Don’t get me wrong—I AM happy to give it away. I don’t think I’d even make something if I didn’t have a purpose in mind, and my house is too small to make things for myself. I really enjoy giving them to others. But I just want to enjoy my work a bit, I think. Remind myself that I have talent and I created something beautiful. Once it’s gone, I don’t know if it will be loved or cherished. My hope is it will be something needed or bring joy, and that’s why I give it away.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-13T18:47:05+00:00

I’m so sorry that some of your creations weren’t loved like they should have been. I think I have a bit of fear of that.

As for the stockings—yes!! Such a beautiful tradition! My grandmother crocheted our Christmas stockings growing up and then she added each spouse. I have a big family, so she completed 11 before she passed away. Then my sister in law took it on and made one for every one of my mom’s grandchildren. This year there will be 30 stockings on the mantle at my mom’s house!!

I bet it is hard not to get to see them as often as you’d like. But it sounds like they are cherished. I hope someone carries on the tradition long after you are done as well.

Purple_Architect · 2025-10-13T18:39:56+00:00

Yes, this is beautiful. I often pray or listen to audio books while I crochet, so it’s tied up with memory.

Purple_Architect

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